Would this annoy you?

[iCantStopppEating]

last night with DH and my 2 young kids walking back to the car from countryside road with no lighting at all, pitch black, cars driving by really close at times, having to walk in the road for some parts. DH took my phone as his battery ran out to look at google maps. My little one tripped a few times over large rocks and fell over and DH ignored my many shouts to slow down and walk with us with the phone so we could see. All this to save 5 minutes because we could have walked through the car park which had lots of lighting to get back to our car but he wanted to save 5 minutes by cutting through the countryside roads. It was around 6pm and pitch black.

he told me I’m overreacting and we did arrive in one piece so no damage done! . I just feel this is one of many ways he constantly shows me he doesn’t care about me or the kids. Could I have real life responses please and not the mumsnet usual toxic responses! Even if you disagree that he’s right as I’m feeling very vulnerable and low right now.

I would have just said “you go whichever way you want me and the kids are taking the safe route and will see you at the car”

You didn't have to follow?
You could have gone your own way with the kids.

Problem is I didn’t know he wasn’t going the safe route. He does this a lot he just races on . When I questioned hi he told me to go back myself. I didn’t know the roads and felt it was more dangerous heading back when he told me it’s only a minute from here

The walk in itself wouldn't piss me off; however, him going away with the only source of light without any care about who is left behind is a major twattery in my books. I hazard a guess that you didn't have reflectors either. Not a smart move all around.

He most likely does care very much about both you and the kids. He probably has what my husband has which is a total inability to see danger in the same way as what we do.

This

DH ignored my many shouts to slow down and walk with us with the phone so we could see. this would really piss me off. He's a selfish arse who left you to deal with the kids in the fucking dark. Is he always like this? Does he not see himself as part of the family? I expect it's symptomatic of a wider problem. Have you considered leaving him?

It would do more than merely annoy me!
But then again I'd be wondering who had kidnapped my DH and what idiotic lifeform was leading me down a dark lane.

Walking on the road, as in no pavement? With no light or hi viz? If that it what you mean then I'd be more than annoyed, its totally unsafe, how are cars supposed to avoid you and the children?

i wouldn’t have given him my phone.

As a previous poster said- giving him the benefit of the doubt he may just see danger differently to you but my DH would not have taken the only light source. But he knows he married a clumsy one with poor eyesight so he just would not take my phone torch.

Of course he saw the danger differently - he had a fucking light source

Well lesson learnt. Let him go the way he wants and you go with the kids the safer way

Awful toxic behaviour on his behalf.
Knowingly putting you and the children at risk.
If you think this is part of a wider problem, keep a note of these incidence.

I'm sorry you sound so low.
No surprisingly if this is a pattern of awful behaviour.

Women's aid might be worth calling for a chat.

@iCantStopppEating I noticed last week when walking back from the pub when my torch battery ran out, that my OH had no clue how close behind him I needed to be to benefit from his phone light and that turning it back and pointing it towards me simply blinded me so I couldn’t even see the ground, which slowed me down further. He got really impatient when I told him to wait and when I did catch up he walked really fast so I was almost running. I think some people just don’t realise. I will need to demonstrate before he will really understand it wasn’t me being useless ☹️. So I can see exactly how your child fell over and how dangerous it felt and in your position I’d feel exactly the same - the longer, safer route. And to be fair to my OH, he would have taken the longer option if kids were involved.

Walking down a dark road. Meh sometimes you have no choice. You learn to walk carefully and to listen out for cars.

Storming off and refusing to wait for the children. That's unacceptable behaviour in my opinion. He's their Dad. You are a family. You go slow, at the pace of the slowest person in the party and make sure the kids are safe.

But in this case they did have a choice. Walking down a dark road unnecessarily and unprepared is plain daft - and with kids in tow irresponsible.

Yeah he doesn't give a shit about the kids.

YES!

I know several men who AREN’T like this and seem overly protective bc they are such a contrast - but they’re not, they’re just doing their job as a parent. It amazes me how a lot of men it seems, my own OH included, have a total lack of caution when it comes to something as precious as their own flesh and blood - it’s unbelievable!

It’s likely linked to the fact mothers have a stronger bond far sooner, having grown them inside for such a long time, but you’d expect them to acknowledge how vulnerable they are and do nothing to jeopardise their safety - but no. It seems that if your little ones are lucky enough to avoid whatever danger these men are determined not to see then this merely confirms they were never in any danger in the first place, and we were just (once again) massively over reacting.

Its sad, it’s frightening and it isn’t good enough.

Don’t ever walk behind a man. They are generally not up to the Job of leading.