To think sister is been ridiculous

[Upthecreek4]

So I had a discussion with my sister about buying of Christmas presents for the youngsters in our family mainly the children of our nephews and nieces. Our nephews and nieces are grown up with children. And these nephews and nieces are the children of our other sister if I'm. Making sense.
My sister who I think is been ridiculous has one son who is now coming up to 24 his nephews and nieces the people in question are his cousins and are a fair bit older than him and they have always bought him for his Christmas and birthday his birthday falls on Christmas day one is his god parent. My sister was very upset last year as he didn't get a single thing from his cousins last year not even a happy birthday greeting nothing at all whereas before his birthday and Christmas was always acknowledged.
My sister is saying she won't be buying our nephews and nieces children anything this year as they cut it off so brutally last year with not even a greeting card however the kids are still youngsters except 3 who are teenagers whereas her ds is now an adult but she says it hurt her how nobody even wished him happy birthday nothing.
Opinions please.

Shes BU in that its the children who will lose out and if they are young then presumably the present making decisions were made by their parents. But i can see why shes annoyed her son didn't get anything on his birthday if birthday presents are usually given.

I'd say your sister is 100pc right.

I think it was kind not to wish him Happy Birthday and perhaps give a card, but at 24, he shouldn’t expect gifts from everyone.

Your sister is being entirely reasonable. Why are you even getting involved?

I did say with his birthday falling on Christmas day that it gets mixed up in the festive celebrations and since out parents passed it's gone this way.

I'm a bit confused here.

So basically your older sister (your nephew's aunt) and all his cousins (your older sister's children) did not wish your nephew Happy Birthday or Christmas last year and totally ignored his birthday and Christmas. This is the first year that's happened and you think it's because he's too old at 24.

I think it's strange that they didn't even give him a card or acknowledge his birthday. Were you all together? I think it's strange at 23 he wasn't too old but at 24 he is too old. I think it's a bit rude of them all (do they acknowledge any other adult birthdays?). I don't think your sister is being ridiculous.

However, if it's only about 'the kids' at birthdays and Christmas then he probably has got past that age. (When is the cut off?). I think it may be time to get family presents for the whole family (including the kids and their parents) or do a secret santa or something.

Basically since our parents passed nobody gets together anymore Christmas day like we did but we get together during the festive period to exchange secret santa but the youngsters are not included so everybody buys them seperate obviously.

Myself his auntie and our other sister always buy him.

I don't really understand the relationships here, but I think it's pretty crap that family members (including the 24 year old's god parent) didn't bother to acknowledge his birthday or at least send him a card. It says to me exactly what they think of/care of him, so I agree with your sister.

I think they probably get lost in thier own Christmas celebrations with thier kids and family.

I don't follow who is who but yeah it's crap of them not to remember his birthday unless they are under 10 then it's their parents who are shit

I actually expected people to think that my sister is been too precious about this due to the fact that my nephew is almost 24 and all the kids in the family are mostly youngster except for one who has reached 18. My nephew didn't seem fazed last year to see that suddenly he got nothing but my sister was upset for him but didn't make it known to him.

And? That's just like saying sorry christmas is more important than your birthday so we don't bother with that as we are incapable of thinking of two things at once.

I’ve got family who have older kids and they decided once the kids reached a certain age, there should be no more gifts… didn’t matter that my kids were much younger and I had spent 20+ years of giving their kids presents. They are twats anyway.

6 kids belonging to nephews cousins and ages are 2, 3, 7, 15, 16 and 18,

I’m so confused. Is nobody else confused? I can’t follow who is who but am I right in thinking:
A 24yo man whose birthday lands on Christmas Day didn’t get any presents from his cousins last year. Therefore his mum is refusing to buy presents for the children of the non-present-giving-cousins?

If so SIBU. You don’t punish little kids, he’s a 24yo grown man. Or you be the bigger person and say “Are we agreeing that we don’t do present swaps this year” to the non-present-giving-cousins rather than just blindly refusing to give them gifts and saying nothing

This is what happens when families don’t communicate with each other properly

Yes I know that happens and I did try to explain it to my sister but she was still digging her heels in as they all just did thier own get together Christmas day she was with ex and and her son my nephew whereas everybody always used to get together Christmas day and there would be a birthday cake for her son with cards and a gift for his birthday and Christmas off all of his cousins. I myself am never around Christmas day I visit my own son overseas.

Even if your sister was being a bit precious you have said yourself the dynamic has changed.

From what you're saying, it seems like the nieces, nephews, cousins are pulling away so your sister is absolutely right in no longer buying presents.

It's not being petty, it's responding to the new family dynamic. Some families chose the teen years to stop buying anyway. These seems a reasonable point to stop buying for the teens in extended family.

*choose

If you all do secret Santa, and this man is involved in that then he obviously doesn’t get an individual Christmas present so she can’t be annoyed about that. He just does secret Santa like everyone else.

The birthday is different and depends on how you handle all the other birthdays throughout the year. Do people of all ages usually get a card and gifts from everyone in the extended family? Or do you all ignored the birthdays of the extended family?

If all birthdays are ignored (and especially if he ignores birthdays) then his should also be ignored by extended family.
If all family birthdays are marked by cards and gifts from everyone, then his shouldn’t be ignored just because it’s Christmas.

My sister doesn't buy the kids for birthdays only buys them at Christmas as she finds it expensive but she seems to think that her ds should get at least for Christmas as she always give the kids at Christmas but last year nothing so she's refusing to even buy for Christmas.

Well that's just it my nephew doesn't want to do secret santa so I've explained to my sister that he's been treated like an adult now.

Does the 24 year old give his cousins birthday presents? Or at least give their DC birthday gifts?

He's not a child any more so just 'receiving'. If he does give gifts then yes, it's out of line his cousins are ignoring his birthday.

No he doesn't my sister has always just bought the kids mostly just at Christmas.
Nephew only really buys his parents, girlfriend, and girlfriends parents.