Should I leave?

[Newname85]

Married for 15+ years. 2 kids. I’m ashamed to admit - this relationship always felt temporary. I felt like a third wheel, the other woman and an inconvenience who came and messed up a happy family (his birth family). They never liked me, I tried my hardest, they still didn’t like me.

He let them say whatever they please-to me, he constantly prioritised their needs over mine, them over me. It was like he had to upset me in some way to make his mom happy, MIL is extremely manipulative and narcissistic. I couldn’t never anticipate her next move - so I was constantly stressed - for years,

MIL died and I no longer speak to SIL. So life must be great right? It’s not. I cannot connect with my husband, there is just no feelings for him. I didn’t realise so I don’t know when I totally stopped loving him.

I am financially independent and luckily I can manage to provide my kids a home and a decent life without depending on my husband.

should I leave? What would I achieve by leaving? More loneliness?

If I was in your position I would leave x

He threatened to leave - many times. I begged him to stay. I wanted to leave - he never asked me to stay - I stayed anyway.

I can see how little self respect I have. I’m ashamed of who I am.

Now that his mother died, My husband has changed a bit. He is a friend now - but something inside me has broken.

What does he add to your life? If you leave him you make space for something new and the chance of better.

He broke you. You have a chance to fix yourself and grow without him. It's always worth it. You'll still be friends, hopefully.

I don’t know. I just got used to having him around I guess.

I would be off like a shot! Plan what a really great life would look like and then put it into practice.

I am always stressed when around him. Subconsciously - there is some kind of fear, discomfort or something about him I can’t explain. It’s like I’m living with an enemy.

In your shoes I’d be out the door tomorrow, genuinely. Life is far too short to spend it unhappy and you’re already lonely as it is. Rather be lonely in your own home with the opportunity to build a new and beautiful life for yourself then spend another 15 years in the same place you are right now wondering when to go.

He adores the kids and they adore him too. I don’t know why I’m so unhappy, now that everything is great. Divorcing for who he was in the past sounds so stupid.

You can divorce for no reason. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. You only get one life. One.

Oh babe, you're scared of your own husband. Pack your bags x

And I wouldn't trust him either!

What would you achieve by leaving? A chance to have a happier life either as a single woman or in a new relationship. A chance to have your own space and not share it with a person who makes you feel uncomfortable. A chance to move on from past upsets. I can only see it as being a positive even if, initially you feel lonely. I'd rather feel lonely alone than to feel lonely in a relationship.

Yes, you should leave, there are no reasons why you should stay. Better to be alone and in control of your life than together and lonely.

He told you you weren’t a priority. He told you he didn’t care if you stayed or went. Listen to him.

You never felt fully committed for the long haul. Listen to yourself.

You will achieve peace of mind. And will have a chance to rebuild and be happy again with someone else if you wish. Lonelyness might be there in the begining but it will be nothing like lonelyness you are experiencing now.
Are there parts of your life you will miss? Perhaps. If he takes care of diy, you will have to step up and take care of that yourself. Byt it’s not a rocket science. And if you have finds, you can outsource that.
But at the end if the day you will go to bed knowing that you can shape your life how you wish and are not tied in a dead relationship. Being in such a relationship weighs on you, you might only realise how much once you leave. It’s worth it.

how’s things been in the last few weeks @Newname85 ?

Just go. As someone who did just that, I can tell you life on the other side is very freeing. Six years later I'm with lovely DP and couldn't be happier.