To question how other parents make it look

[Saveme100]

So easy. My almost 7 year old son is hard work. I am seriously thinking he may had adhd but the school said he's too reserved at school for it. He's a good kid. Full of character. Very affectionate. But he is impossible on days out. Or out shopping. Everything's a headache with him. It's like his ears stop working. He can't keep still. He can't concentrate. He's annoying. To the point I just can't be bothered planning much with him and my 9 year-old because I know how he will be.

Today was straight forward. I was popping in a couple of places and we picked up decorations for the tree. All day (understandably) it's been can we do the tree. Can we. Can we. I bought a game for us to play first. He would not listen how to play. Which resulted in all of us bored and fed up. 9 year-old wanted to get stuck in but he kept spoiling it.
I want to do the tree. But it's touch touch touch and I'm abit rubbish with lights etc and can see it being fiddly and him being dead impatient.

I tried hard to plan this weekend so they'd both be happy and have fun. But they are both currently sad and sulking because I need to sort stuff and have some calm before I will even entertain the tree.

Why is parenting so stressful when it should be nice.

The tree is effectively a whole day activity. If you’re doing the tree, that’s all he’s going to want to focus on; traipsing round the shops and playing a game sounds frustrating to me, and I’m not 7 years old. FWIW I wouldn’t expect my two to happily traipse round the shops and then focus on a game before doing the promised thing they were looking forward to, and mine are fairly easy children 8 and 11. Whilst they wouldn’t kick off as such, they’d definitely find it boring.

I work in a school and honestly if your child is showing zero signs of ADHD in school, you’re on a hiding to nothing unless you go private, as the assessment will look at behaviour both at home and at school.

I wouldn’t say this generation are any more entitled than previous ones if you teach them to have reasonable expectations.

You sense your child is ND, you think ADHD. You will be correct on that. Mum's instincts trump everything. Your feelings and words resonate with me and will many parents with ND children.

Children mask in school or don't fit the stereotype in the eyes of the school staff. Schools also lie and gaslight because this will cost them time and energy to pursue, make them accountable and sadly they have little resources given to them to support ND kids.

All requests for NHS assesments were denied for us. We just went private in the end. The SENCO provided zero supporting information. ( My child has multiple ND conditions which are obvious!)

You will be best pursuing a private assessment. It's going to cost money which might be really difficult. You'll lose your mind going to the school again for validation trust me. They'll just make you doubt yourself. As a complete stranger on the internet I'm telling you you're correct. Mum's always know. You know.

PS if you do consider asking your GP for a private referral I’d be happy to share more of our expeience, private consultant and costs. Good luck OP. Tomorrow is another day. X

There is too much made of all the Christmas things these days. It's too much for kids.

Kids don't like being dragged around shops with their parents but Instagram have told us taking them to a Christmas Market and having hot chocolate is a Christmas must do, so we do it, no one enjoys it, we feel like a failure.

Putting up the tree is actually a bit boring but Instagram tells us we should do it while wearing our Christmas jumpers, drinking mulled wine and watching Christmas films while eating the cookies we made by hand earlier. Everyone gets stressed, no one enjoys it, we feel like a failure.

And so on and so on.

THIS
Parenting is exhausting!!!! Trips to the shops are frequently fraught

That's obviously not what the pp was saying though.

You went to get the decorations and said you would all do the tree. Then actually didn't do the tree because you decided it would be game time first. He wasn't focused on the game because he's still thinking about the tree. Now you don't want to do the tree... Why not put a film on for the kids to chill to while you do the fiddly bits then you step back a bit and they put the decorations on? Then play the game after?

As for you tube etc well, no one is forcing you to let them watch that really. I'm not saying zero screens by any means but if you think you tube/tablets whatever is making your kids entitled then don't put it on for them?

This is me most weekends. Feeling like I should be doing more with my kids but only having the energy to take them to swim and dance lessons, get the clothes ironed and washed for the next week, tidy the house all ready for another week of work and school. Social media has so much to answer for. No I'm not wreath making this weekend at a ridiculous cost. No, I'm not at a Christmas market drinking overly expensive hot wine....bleurgh. No I'm not in a posh garden centre buying matching fookin baubles and six foot bloody reindeers. No, I'm not making a Hansel and Gretl style Christmas house with the kids. No, I'm not because I have a nine year old with autism who can only manage one weekend day of activity every other weekend. We learnt the hard way and tried to do too much. We don't now. If everyone put on social media what they really do each and every day, it'd make people like me feel a whole lot better about my life.