We have been together for two years but have known each other since we were 16 so a very long time.
He moved in with me and my 4.5 year old at the start of the year, and since then I’ve just struggled with his lack of effort around the house and lack of support towards living costs and his lack of ability to listen when I bring up any issues.
I do the substantial majority of the housework, I also work full time 45 hours a week from home so I am home all day but I’m still at work. He is between jobs and often on the sick, he struggles to motivate himself to go to work and ends up making excuses to be off. I find this obviously stressful as his income some months is drastically dropped and realistically there’s no reason for him to be off most of the time he is. He does help with the dishwasher and he will help if I go out of my way to ask, but if I don’t it just sits there. He will make a basic job like putting washing away take hours while I run around and do everything else.
An example of a recurring problem: I left the house in a hurry last week and didn’t have time to tidy that morning, I normally always tidy before I leave so that it’s nice for when I get home, I had had two hours sleep the night prior due to being poorly so it needed a good tidy. He was in all day, I came back at 2pm and not one thing had been done and he was asleep in bed. Mess on the kitchen counters, cat litter on the floor that the cats had scrapped out while I was away, food wrappers and dishes on the side from his dinner, floor needed hoovered.
Its came to a head this morning, my son has been having a bit of a difficult phase and being quite defiant, I was asking him to help me with some chores for chore week at his school and he was just saying no and it escalated into my son being upset and having a tantrum. My partner was saying he was being lazy, he wasn’t helping around the house, and raising his voice saying he won’t get any games anymore if he doesn’t start helping and that he needs to see a doctor.
Immediately this angered me because I don’t parent like that and he knows it, raising his voice only made it worse and also he has an absolute bloody cheek to say my four year old does nothing to help when he’s a grown man who does the bare minimum.
The issue is he seems to think he does help out. Ive mentioned this COUNTLESS times and im always met with ‘how am I meant to know if you don’t tell me’ or ‘just tell me if things need cleaned’ but it’s obvious. He also tells me ‘if you think I don’t do anything you’re lying to yourself’
We have had so many issues with money also as he never offers to do any food shops I do them all and pay for them all. He huffs and sighs if I ask him to come with us to the shops and hurries me and my son up so he can get back home quicker for no reason other than he doesn’t want to be there.
Im just utterly sick of it. He snatched a bar of soap off my son this morning because he was refusing to put it away, so I snapped and took it back off my partner and told him to not dare treat my son like that and have a hard think about how much he does around the house before taking it out on him.
He made a comment that he did plenty and to not speak to him if i really think he does nothing around here, and then stormed out the house. Its not the first time he has done this but it’s the first time he has done it in front of my son.
AIBU to not want him to come back? There’s so many other things too but if I ever try speak about any issues or anything he does that is hurtful he is extremely defensive and never apologise for his actions and just storms out rather than trying to resolve anything and he makes me feel like my expectations are unreasonable