I don't know what to do about my husband and his family. I am British born. I've been married to my husband for almost five years. Together for seven years. He and his family were not born in the UK. They are Christian and so am I. But they also have some very dated traditional values in the sense that they believe that me being married to their only son means i am now the head woman when his mother passes away. I have a role to uphold. Okay, fair enough. But his mother has made it very clear in my opinion that she does not approve of me. She doesn't like that i was born here. I'm not African enough. She doesn't like that I can't speak my native language fluently despite the fact that my husband can't either! And he was born and bred. My mother has suffered from sever mental health issues. It really effected my family. My dad is a whole other story. She doesnt like that my parents aren't married anymore. She doesn't get why I'm not close enough with my mother. And constantly asks about them which grates on me. How is it your business? Me and my siblings are dealing with it.
She thinks I've gained too much weight since having a child and I and her daughter should start losing weight. Cool. Baring in mind the docrors medically told her that she needs to lose weight after she made that comment to me and her daughter. I gained weight after my redundancy. I took it hard. I was aware that i gained weight. But wow. I lost some of the weighr anyway. No comment from her. Then she wonders why I'm not interested in in speaking to her. During lockdown she thought i was keeping her son away from her. Errr. It was lockdown. She wanted me to join her fellowship. Okay sounds good, i thought. But when i spoke with them for the first time they were not welcoming. Quite hostile and one of them mocked my accent. So i kept my distance. Since then she and everyone has been pressuring me to join. To make an effort. I have seen them since. But no i am not part of a place where i am not accepted as a person. I have to prove myself. And i dont want to do that. When i had my son she critisized every single thing i did. So did her friends. My family and friends said i was doing a great job considering a pandemic and a barely available health visitor. And still being in lockdown.
I have spoken to my husband he knows exactly how i feel and why i I don't always feel comfortable around his mum. I made it clear that i don't think she likes me. He says its not true. I told him why i don't want to join the fellowship. He thinks i ahould tell her and he doesn't want to get involved. But apparantly as a Christian i have to give more grace. Okay. Well, the Bible says i am to handle Christians who are mean to me with the intent of restoration. So how can I when no one wants to take accountability, pin evrything on me and expect me to take being mocked and critisized all the time. When people are not doing soi find it very hard to restore a bond and i I don't know what to do. I don't know if i am being too sensitive as they all like to claim or if i actually have a point and need to think of a clever way to do damage control. I'm so tired.
Theyre having a party today. She invited me two days beforehand. And said i make excuses. But im not going. I had plans already. But she, my fil and husband are not happy that my husband is taking my son there and not me. If i don't feel comfortable and im naturally introverted anyway i juat don't feel like i should go.