DP telling white lies about exes family

[curlysuee]

I've been with my DP for a year. We don't live together but have recently met kids etc.

He has two teenagers with his ex. They split up about 10 years ago. It's all amicable and he still gets on with her and her family. She's had a few partners over the last 10 years and has one now.

However, DP has told a number of white lies about his exes family. A couple of examples -

He went to his Aunt's birthday party a few months back, and after scrolling on FB one evening I saw it with actually his exes aunt, not his.

He is self employed and does a trade for a living. Last week someone rang him to talk about some work they want doing. After he said it was a customer and described what they wanted doing. Again, I was looking on FB and it's actually another one of his exes aunts.

I have no issue whatsoever with him doing either of the above, but what I'm not ok about is not telling the whole truth.

AIBU? Maybe I should just stay off FB 🥴

Hopeful bump 😊

He probably feels awkward about telling you he still sees her family. Could he feel you would not want him to?

Unless you want him to know you’ve been checking up on what he has been doing, you might want to engineer a conversation about how you think it’s OK to keep in touch with an ex’s family.

Just tell him! He's probably trying to not make it weird

It might not be white lies, the first Aunt could be as simple as he's always called her that. And the Second as she was ringing about work it might be him keeping work & personal life separate

I dont see that second example as a lie. Presumably they wanted to pay him to do some work in a professional capacity, so they were a customer, weren't they?

I wouldn’t be happy about this (the lying, not the actual contact with his ex’s family) but I’m not sure how you’d raise this without revealing you’ve been having a nose on their socials.

I take it it’s more than just these 2 occasions that he’s lied? Does he lie about other things that you’ve caught him out on?

@WickedlyCharmed Yes it's more than just these occasions but onjy about the exes family etc, nothing else!

How do you know that? You've only found out about those lies. Have a conversation with him as a starting point and keep an eye out for future lies. For me lying is a huge issue, it destroys all trust.

@Skyrainlight I guess I don't know that 100%, but I'm pretty sure he hasn't lied about anything else!

Just talk to him about it. It could be that he has had partners before you that have given him grief about it so he's decided not to mention it to avoid an issue. It's daft but we can all be daft sometimes. Be clear that he doesn't need to hide this stuff from you and you expect honesty going forward. If it still continues then you may have an issue, but I'd give the benefit of the doubt in the first instance

Why are you searching his work bookings on FB or even discussing his bookings in detail? You’re coming across a bit stalkerish/jealous, and I reckon this why he’s withholding stuff. YABU.