To not be interested in pursuing counselling

[rainonthefield]

This is specific to me and I’m not saying for a moment I think this applies to everyone; obviously some people find it very helpful. But a friend suggested counselling for some marriage problems I’ve had recently and when I said it wasn’t really for me / us she seemed really shocked and to be honest a bit angry.

(it wasn’t the case that I’d been confusing in her and she was a bit fed up of hearing it, I just had to mention it briefly because I hadn’t been able to go to a previous event because of it.)

So I was wondering if anyone else felt like me or if my view is perceived as ‘wrong’?

Maybe she is undergoing counselling herself, and she could have taken your response as a diss of counselling / people who are having counselling. Which presumably would have been a misunderstanding, as it sounds like you just don't think it's right for you, not that it's a waste of time/money for everyone.

I'd add to that: I've had a terrible counselling experience, and a great one. I think the 'match' with the individual counsellor is so, so important.

It may or may not be useful. Depends if you are engaged with it and on the quality of the counsellor I suppose. I do think it can be like picking a scab and not letting it heal (that’s based on the reactions of some people I know who just don’t seem to move on from their issue) - it’s not for me.

Then that’s your own misunderstanding. There is no ‘thing’ that is counselling. There are simply individual counsellors, some highly qualified, experienced and accredited, some not, and their clients. It can absolutely be transformative with the right match, but no one’s obliged to do it. I would think that if you’re getting ‘try counselling’ from a number of people, it’s because you’re complaining or dumping on them a lot.

I think when you've had counselling (I would always say with a qualified psychotherapist) and found it really helpful, it is something that you naturally suggest for other people.

This. The right kind of therapy with the right therapist can change your life for the better, but it’s not for everyone and there’s a lot of shit counsellors and psychotherapists out there.

As we say in the counselling world, you’re your own expert so you know what helps.

Ive had it from one person because I had t explain I couldn’t make a previous event due to DH being at his mums and therefore I had no childcare.

Nothing wrong with not wanting to do it. Obviously there are many different approaches to IAPT but most of the ones I’d value have nothing to do with solving an immediate problem, it’s more about knowing and understanding yourself and others on a deeper level. It’s not for everyone. Any skilled therapist would assess whether you have the capacity to engage in the first few sessions. If you can’t or don’t want to, there is no benefit to doing it. Personally, it has transformed my life but it has been a very long and expensive undertaking.

It is expensive and I do think people can be very dismissive about how prohibitive the cost is to a lot of people.

I don’t think I’m being dismissive about the cost. I’ve always paid for it, and it’s involved cutting back elsewhere, even at times, buying cheaper food or saving public transport fares by walking or cycling.

I agree, but it seems to be stock response on MN particularly that any slight upset needs to be resolved with counselling.

That’s if the mindfulness/spa day/snuggle with a blankie and a hot choccy (🤮)/connecting with nature haven’t worked.

In fairness, there is a significant proportion of people on Mn for whom a slight upset is a total cataclysm, possibly because there’s a disproportionate number of people on here who struggle with day to day relations and interactions with other people.

I think therapy comes up so often because so many of these posters seem to have very little insight into their own mental processes, and also because they literally have no one to talk things through with, as part of the problem is their isolation.

I was lucky. I met, quite by chance, a therapist who turned out to be utterly fantastic. He changed my life (sort of) by giving me insights into who I am as a person.

I had therapy for 4 years and it's the best thing I ever did.

Relationship counselling is something completely different. It can be helpful if a couple want to find a way through a particular difficulty, but the only experience I had of this, the counsellor was crap and the sessions meaningless.

I entirely understand, especially if you have reached a settled decision.

'Go to counselling' is often a knee jerk response and sometimes it's not helpful.

There are many poor counsellors around. It is poorly regulated. Always look for BACP accredited people.

There are some techniques more suited to certain issues than others.

Psychotherapy can be a game changer, but as with all forms of therapy it does rely on finding someone who is a good fit in terms of skills, personality and intellect.

You don’t think it’s dismissive to say you paid for it with cutbacks?