AIBU to think it is hard to make friendships last

[Elizo]

Just thinking back over last 15 years. Have only really got two old friends now. Over the years have made a lot of friends, been close for a year or two, but then drifted. I am mid 40s. It’s like a fairly continuous churn. Tend to stay in touch but only catch up irregularly so quite surface level. AIBU to think it is hard to create lasting friendships, or is it me??

It depends - a lot of friendships are situational.

While you are neighbours, workmates, have children in school together etc you see each other regularly and it’s fairly easy to maintain them.

Other, deeper friendships are rarer but can happen at any age.

(someone will inevitably post about “friendships for a reason, a season…” etc)

Yeah they have been sustained when DA was v young, while I had DS at a school, was in a job, a club, we lived close whatever... But I’d like to have some more lasting/ deeper friendships and maybe could do more to nurture them. Not sure

I think you do have to do some legwork to keep friendships. Birthday cards & maybe gifts, sending regular messages, finding something you are interested in & can go do together (book club, swimming, walking, spa days).

It takes effort on both sides - and I think when you’re a parent that can make it more difficult if you’re the type to prioritise “my little family” above all else, because good friendship is hugely about feeling (and making others feel) as though you’re at least some level of priority in somebody’s life rather than just a bolt-on when it’s convenient. DH and I are childfree and therefore have the opportunity to make our friends the centre of our world - and as a result, have lots of very close, mutually supportive and loving friendships.

If you’re only meeting friends a couple of times a year then unless you have a long history prior to that where you saw each other much more often then it’s naturally going to be difficult to build and maintain bonds. I have friends I now only see two or three times a year as they’ve since moved abroad - but they’re people who previously I’d see most weeks for years - so we have a really solid base of closeness. As your DC are getting older do you think you could turn the focus away from them and towards building better friendships?

Op Im 50s. People busier now. A school friend is juggling an elder parent at wends. Im finding people dont commit yeh I be in touch.. that type of message. Its def hard. I try meet a few people as realised I couldnt depend on 1 or 2 friends

Yeah I think so absolutely. I have always been someone who has regularly socialised with friends, has child-free weekends away etc, but I think I can do more to prioritise friends as you say. Hopefully I can make some new ones that last and keep the great ones I have!