To think loneliness can make people act in strange ways?

[WarmHazelStork]

I’ve been thinking about how loneliness affects us, and it’s fascinating (and sometimes sad) how it can push people to act in ways they might not otherwise. Whether it’s reaching out to people from the past, clinging to unhealthy relationships, or even behaving in ways that feel out of character, loneliness seems to have a way of influencing our actions.

Have you ever experienced this or noticed it in others? Do you think loneliness is one of the most underrated factors that drives human behaviour?

I should be lonely, but I’m not. I am emotionally/mentally very self sufficient.

However, I see what you’re saying. Amongst my friends/colleagues, I see the clear desperation when they don’t have a partner. All logic & standards go out the window. Friends don’t seem enough, they need validation from a partner.

I just think some people just can’t stand to be alone & that then makes them vulnerable.

Edited to add - one of my friends even put a FB post up saying ‘looking for a relationship’😳

Yes. I reached out to people from my past. Very bad idea.

I know a lonely lady at work. I believe that her controlling manner at work is partly due to her loneliness and lack of out of work interests as she rarely sees anyone. She can't admit any mistake and has to micro manage even though she isn't a manager. I could be wrong but a lot of us feel it is because she doesn't have a partner, children or any friends nearby. But it would also be reverse and she doesn't have these people because she is so controlling.

I also have seen lots of elderly lonely people cause some drama to get attention in a similar way to a child. It can turn a bit toxic. It is so sad that they feel this way.

Well loneliness affects mental health.
And that can manifest itself in behaviours which aren't healthy for the lonely person.

I’ve never been lonely but I’ve no children or siblings and my DP is a decade older than me, so ending up completely alone is not an unrealistic prospect, and this prospect makes me really hesitant to do things like dropping bad friendships and toxic types. I’m trying to feel the fear and drop them anyway..

I have a partner and children, but I spent my 20s being a lone parent as my ex was toxic and horrible. I was lucky enough to have family support, but sometimes living alone with a young child can feel lonely and looking back - I did work so much harder than I needed to (in hindsight) and I wonder if that was my way to fill up time. Who knows. But feeling lonely goes 2 ways, you either fill the void with something which reduces the feeling of lonliness - sometimes this can be positive like hanging out with friends or I no eating in a hobby. Or it can be toxic without self awareness where you reach out to toxic relationships or get involved in madness.

yes i'm so lonely i consider reaching out to my ex all the time, people tell me i shouldn't and judge me but they are not living my life i literally have no friends, family, nothing, the only people i speak to are my kids, i can go weeks without speaking to any adults and when i do it's just teachers at the school or shop workers. i find the people that judge me are lucky they don't have my life where there is literally no one; birthdays xmas i don't hear from a single soul

I am so sorry to read that you feel like this CandyCaneSpoon. It sounds trite but I hope that you can make some good friends and feel less lonely.

My sister is lonely. It breaks my heart. It makes her angry and she lashes out and she's mean - like picking a fight gives her a reaction from people in that moment. But ultimately makes her friendship circle smaller as they move away. It's all really sad.

Could you do some volunteering/hobbies/classes/sports?

no my children are with me at all times unless at school but i still have one at home i am never without one of them so am not able to do anything like that and i've never had friends so not going to make any now not even in school i never had any friends i have given up there.

I've lead a lonely life for one reason or another and really think it can make the mind a bit insular...wondering if it can cause eccentricity. And also think deep loneliness can affect the way you think about other people..me versus the world kind of thing..
all in all not a good thing really..🤷‍♀️

I’m lonely because I don’t have friends and very few relatives. One thing I’ve recently realised about myself is that although I’m a quiet person and not very sociable, when I do get to chat with someone I like, I tend to gabble. I’m sure it’s because I don’t get many opportunities to talk to people so I want to make the most of it.

Why what's your story? Sounds like you are gathering views for an article!

I'm like that , I've reached the age of 66 and no friends or family. I thought having kids would make me less lonely, ( I've 5) and yes they keep me busy but I find it impossible to make friends.
As a teenager I went to pop concerts on my own,cinema alone etc.
I never fitted in, and if I did make a friend it never lasted.
Mind you,the fact I was diagnosed with aspbergers in my 50s I think has something to do with it.
I have made peace with it in a way and try to make the best of it.

It’s worth saying loneliness is a state of mind as opposed to a relationship status.

Not all single people are lonely and you can be far lonelier in a bad relationship than on your own. It’s the way you perceive yourself in relation to others that makes you lonely as opposed to the number of people around you.

I do think chronically lonely people tend to be rather bitter and paranoid people who are not good at friendships and who either need too much from people and are therefore constantly disappointed or are bad at letting people in.

You see this a lot on here with these posts from people who claim to “hate people”. These are very transparently lonely people who protest too much: they have had interpersonal disappointments ij their lives of various sorts and instead of processing them appropriately they have hardened themselves against the rest of the world. It’s very sad because they then make themselves seem even less attractive as a potential friend or partner.

Wanting a quiet life and a small social circle is absolutely fine but people claiming they want to shut themselves off from the world are invariably in denial about their problems processing past disappointments.

I often feel like this but I seriously dislike the sound of the word 'lonely' so I don't say it. That might sound daft! I admit my state of mind has led me to cross a few lines, disregard boundaries and act with no filter and it has caused me aggravation with other people. Mainly women, I'm sorry to say. My fault entirely. No one else to blame. I'm almost certain I have Schizoid Personality Disorder (not the same as schizophrenia, by the way) but getting a diagnosis is far from straightforward and potentially costly.

I feel like I've worked with this lady too

I don't think not having a partner or child makes someone lonely. Not everyone strives for that.
It's having nobody or having people around who make you feel like nothing which causes loneliness.
I know this feeling well and it's also caused me to reflect on my own actions.
I often get treated badly by people and used. I am a very giving and kind person but it often gets abused. In the past I haven't wanted to lose certain people so have perhaps appeared a bit off with them but then decided to carry on as normal. I realise now that this causes confusion to them and makes it look like I go hot and cold. I need to learn to say to people that they have upset or pissed me off, get over the fear of confrontation and if they respond badly then they arent worth it. But that of course is easier said than done. I feel very ashamed at how I have allowed myself to be treated and the people I have gone back to. It's down to loneliness and self esteem. Right now, I have nobody in my life who I trust and feel lonelier than I have ever been.

I'm alone but not lonely as I love my own company. I was however very lonely in my last long-term relationship and felt very cut off from people and life.

As others have said yeah it’s important to remember loneliness comes in all different forms including those married with kids or seemingly social butterflies ,but that aside there’s a lot of truth in your statement .

But I wouldn’t have used the word “strange” It actually makes perfect sense in many ways for lonely people to do such things like contacting people from the long almost forgotten past, who clearly aren’t interested anymore or hanging onto bad friendships and romantic relationships when they are scared the alternative might be complete loneliness. It’s understandable even if not completely wise!

Of course in the long term they will ultimately feel worse but it’s similar to how some people pig out and binge on sugar or alcohol or even Netflix series - it makes them forget their situation for the moment even if it does long term harm.

See I would prefer no partner /friend than a bad partner/ friend (and I was single most of my adult life until recently) but I haven’t always been like this and it does go against the grain.

I think a lot of people who right now have many friends, a loving partner, a close family etc would behave the exact same way if they ended up in that same situation.