To think my sister in law is trying to make feel bad about my DD

[YouFoundMe]

AIBU and overthinking this…

I live in the family home with my mum, three brothers and two sister in laws. We have a fairly big house so it works at the moment. I split from my husband hence I’m living here.

I have a 7 month old DD and one of my sister in laws has a 9 month old son (my nephew).

I’ve noticed that she’s always picking out ‘bad’ things that my DD does.. she’s a difficult baby so things like cries for me a lot, cries when she’s in the bath, hasn’t been a fan of milk since birth and I’ve recently started weaning and I’d say she’s doing an ok job - some things she likes and most she doesn’t!

Whenever DD doesn’t finish the food, my sister in law will say something like ‘ahh she hates food aswell’ but I say ‘no she’s ok but doesn’t like this’ (reassuring myself considering I don’t want to feel like shit). Earlier on my DD was being fed in her high chair and my sister in law came and sat right next to us which distracted my DD and she became fussy all of sudden, inside I was raging thinking why’s she just come and sat here. My sister in law began saying to my DD ‘what are you like, you need to eat food!’ She acts like she doesn’t eat anything!

Just before I came up to put my DD to bed today she said ‘I could hear her crying when she was having a bath.. she still cries loads in the bath.. why?’ What do you mean why? How the fuck do I know… she asks the same thing every week. she then mentioned the food I gave DD earlier and I said yeah she didn’t like it. She’s just WhatsApp’d me (I’m in my room as I’ve put DD to sleep) asking me again if she liked it and I replied no and she responded saying ‘DS loved it!’ I feel like she just wants me to feel shit? Why did she need to ask me again when I told her just before?

My DD has got her first two teeth and also started sitting up before her son (no teeth yet) and I do think she’s been jealous that her son is not hitting the milestones as quickly as my DD - I never point these things out and I don’t see them in competition (all babies are different).

My brother and her are moving out in a few months and I can’t not think that I’m glad.

Am I overthinking this?

(Excuse any spelling mistakes, dyslexia !)

Yeah you are probably overthinking it. You can't be mad she came and sat next to you when you are living in a house with 9 other people. Maybe you should look to move out too if you don't want others commenting and chatting to you about your baby. In the meantime just carry on as you are, don't engage too much if you don't want baby chat.

You are absolutely right that it's not a competition and all babies are different, but it's so hard not to compare when you're in such close proximity. I'd suggest trying to reframe it in your head - she's not jealous that your baby is hitting milestones, she's anxious that hers isn't. That anxiety hits us all as parents, and it manifests in different ways. She's absolutely not being helpful - I am in no way saying she's right - but just sigh and grit your teeth, don't let it get to you.

Anyway, people who have easy babies have demon toddlers, it's in the parenting Ts & Cs. Her time will come. 😉

I can't imagine how stressful it must be living with so many people OP. There is bound to be friction and your DSis in law sounds like she might be insecure about her DC which is why she is comparing. It all sounds a bit too close for comfort so you are probably overthinking things but the environment you're living in would make most people be unreasonable I would imagine! I'd hang on in there until they move out and then breathe a sigh of relief!

You’re suggesting there’s no space other than that spot. We are very lucky to have a big enough house to accommodate all of us without the need to see each other at all times! This room in particular is basically two rooms with the wall knocked through. She was first sat on the opposite side of the room with her son, he was being very fussy but she seemed to have got up and decided to come across to the other side of the room to sit right next to us.
I will happily move out once my baby is a little older and less difficult, it’s hard as a single parent and my mum provides that bit of help that I need to have a shower, eat food etc.

Haha I’ve heard of that difficult toddlers thing! I’m hoping my DD will be an angel toddler considering she’s a right terror right now lol.

You’re right. I’ll try reframe it in that way and I’ll grit my teeth until she moves out!

No OP I didn't at all suggest there's nowhere else to sit, but you live with a lot of people so of course they will sit and socialise. Both of your babies were being fussy and you were sat at opposite sides of a room so she came over, sounds more like she was looking for a friend than having a go.

Honestly I’d say 90% of the time I love living with everyone here. I also get the help I need as it’s been difficult with my DD. However you’re right, friction and tension is inevitable and these situations can be avoided if we weren’t all living together. It will definitely be easier when they move out

Ok I apologise for jumping to that assumption! Although she is very snarky with her comments in general so that’s why I would think she does things like this on purpose to make me feel bad.

She has a much more chilled baby than mine and everyone I live with knows this, so sometimes I’d like her to just give me reassurance rather than constantly telling me my DD is always difficult (which I already know!)

Did you communicate it to her?

food under 1- just for fun !
don’t worry about it if your DD IS healthy and having enough wet nappies.
your SIL sounds like she’s trying to humble brag compete.

no one is theirselves post partum. Everyone is tired, lots of insecurities. I’d ignore her and shut it down. They are supposed to do intuitive eating and stop when full so I wouldn’t allow comment to my DD about volume eaten.

Her comments are totally unnecessary and unhelpful.

You probably tense up when she's around, expecting some daft comment from her.

I don't blame you for being glad she's leaving soon.

In the meantime, just don't respond. Or respond either way a very neutral, "Oh well." "Never mind." Or a shrug of the shoulders.

Sounds like you're doing really well, coping with the split from your h, managing your dd and in a busy household.

Sounds also like a bit of jealousy that her little boy isn’t the only cute little baby living in the house anymore and the attention is being split and she’s trying to put you in her place.

For what it’s worth your baby sounds completely normal to me, she’s exactly the same as my 2 DDs who are both normal if bonkers 😂

@Catza No I’ve not directly said anything to her as she’s the type of person who makes a big hoo ha about anyone disagreeing with her so I’m at the point of just letting it go and waiting it out until she’s gone!

Thanks for your responses everyone. I will just grit my teeth and wait until she's gone and then I will feel a burden has been lifted for sure!

On a normal day to day basis I always try to avoid her especially at feeding time lol..

Yes completely right on everything you've said!

It's definitely been tough on my own but very grateful for the support from my mum and other sister in law (who's an angel in comparison).

Oh god she is so insensitive and she might be one of those people who thinks her baby is so perfect because she does everything ‘right’ UGH

your baby is probably more intelligent and sensitive. Ignore ignore ignore.

I think I'd give her a huge grin and declare "Thanks Sooooo much, that's sooooo true/helpful" every time.

She's being a cunt.