To get myself to spend money on things I enjoy

[Holyjolly]

I have a bit of strange habit of not being able to spend money on some things I love because I just can't justify if it's value for money.
I grew up in poverty, was fine with studies and always been hardworking, managed to go to uni and work in a decent paying job now. I always have enough money to spare which I can use for myself, but I really struggle with justifying in my head, the cost of things like drinking coffee from Starbucks for example or getting a takeaway or eating out.
I feel like I grew up in such scarcity, that I really struggle to spend money on myself. I used to buy some nice clothes but now I only buy second hand clothes off marketplace etc, but I take my family on holiday each year. I try my best to keep saving money.
I have 2 DC and I buy them whatever they need. I do crave trying the festive drinks at Costa but I just can't convince myself to go to Costa. I just worry that some day I might regret not trying or buying the little things which could have brought me some joy.
I don't know if anyone has been in similar situation.

I've been EXACTLY the same. For a while DS was in Joules and John Lewis clothes and I was in Primark's finest!

It helped to allocate myself a 'fun' budget, can you do that? If you want to try the costa drinks, buy yourself a £20 Costa card and then you don't need to feel guilty or debate it each time.

And remind yourself it's good for your kids to see yourself treat yourself. They'll be seeing you value and care for yourself the way you do for them, and this will shape how they feel about themselves as adults in the future xx

I too have known financial hardship OP, and feel similar about things like Costa's, but don't have any problem spending money on good quality clothing, as I know it's going to last, but £4.40 for a cup or lukewarm hot chocolate from Costa's just seems a complete waste of money, and that's without the extra cream and sprinkles!

My thing is that I’ll only spend on something if it’s good.
Clothes from the charity shop are often better than new.

Drinks from Starbucks etc are mostly disappointing.
I find I can see right through marketing, I don’t fall for it.

But, I know what you’re saying. I don’t “allow” myself.
We weren’t poor, but my mum rarely bought us things.

I have a treat budget that covers the odd coffee or whatever - it’s important that your kids see you being able to treat yourself in whatever way is meaningful to you. What I have discovered though is my absolute favourite coffee is a plain old filter coffee with cream, which I can make at home. But buy a fancy coffee as a one off, it may cure your curiosity.

Self care is not selfish. Start small. Tell yourself that in order to look after yourself, you have to treat yourself once a day. Imagine that part of you as a child who did not get what you wanted or needed and that you are now the adult who can give it to them. Please dont carry on like this - you deserve all the good things in life.

I’m exactly like this because my parents were awful with money and didn’t have much to start with. I married someone exactly the same so we just push each other to buy the things.

I'm the same and also grew up poor. After hours of procrastination I will buy good quality clothes now, but I dont think I will ever buy take out coffee/tea etc it's such a shocking waste of money for poor quality product.

I'm like this! Did not grow up in poverty at all, parents actually had plenty of money but no structure to the way it was given out. I remember longing for pocket money so I could have some certainty and stability and independence, but my parents just preferred to give it out randomly. I now find it really difficult to spend money, especially on myself. Coupled with an increasing CoL where I'm shocked by the prices of so many things, I just tend to save and save!

Thanks for all the responses. It's reassuring to know that many people feel this way. I am trying to learn to spend on some nice things in life but it doesn't comes to me naturally.

My FIL died last year.

He was born before WW2 and experienced extreme poverty being one of nine kids. They used to scavenge the street markets at the end of the day to find food to take home. He had a low paid job as a painter and decorator.

He left savings and investments in the high six figures. It pains my partner (a lot) that his dad lived such a frugal life, ate the cheapest food, house run down, no central heating when he died.

An extreme example but what was the point of all that money? It was like he punished himself for some reason.

You have one shot in life. You don't have to go mad but the middle way, treats and self care occasionally, says you like yourself and you deserve it.

I do understand. They're are certain things I don't like spending money on if I don't have to - parking and drinks (I can explain the drinks thing if you'd like me to)

By drinks I mean first Starbucks and Nero as it's like £4 which is SO expensive and also drinks in bars as I am not into drinking and the only time I really find myself in a bar is if it's a group or work thing where we are having drinks before an event or before a meal and I am honestly happy drinking tap water but feel like I can't just drink tap water if I'm taking up space in the bar so spend money on soft drinks or a glass of wine I don't want...

I spend less money on myself since I've had kids but I have spent more recently as I've lost a bit of weight and with Christmas coming up I needed new party clothes and make up!