To just leave him?

[littlehouse56]

Hi all,

Depressing thread. Sorry...

Me and my husband are literally just dead in our relationship. Can't remember the last time we enjoyed each others company tbh. We squabble over the littlest thing (never argue just cold shoulder each other cos honestly I don't think either can be bothered).

When we've had a squabble we don't speak for days. Like literally don't speak. There may be the occasional 'have you fed the dog' or 'do you want me to do toddlers tea'. But apart from that nothing.

He goes to bed early for work anyway (9pm) but lately he goes to bed much earlier. Tonight was 6:15.

I'm so insanely lonely. I'm also 37 weeks pregnant. I know he doesn't want to be around me- and I don't do anything because I don't want to be around him either.

I've got everything ready for baby myself. With our first he was so happy and excited. But when I ask him if he wants to look at baby's room etc... he just tells me he'll have a look later. I asked him to put up the shelves for 4 months. He didn't so I just did them myself last week. Never mind.

But basically- both of our faults. No one has any might to fix it. Any conversations we have end in disagreeing and sitting in different rooms anyway.

Crying writing this as I just can't believe it's gotten so bad. I get really emotional when I think about the old us, because we really did love each other.

And it's about to get worse with the baby on the way. So utterly depressed and guilty that we've subjected ourselves and our children to this life.

I say should I just leave. But we're so financially tied and neither want to go a single day without seeing toddler (and soon to be baby) so we simply just exist.

I don't know how but am I best leaving and just sorting finances out? I've had a think and kind of have a plan which would mean returning to work when baby is 12 weeks which feels crazy but yeah... needs must. I never wanted it to end like this but how do you fight when there's nothing left on either side?

Sorry for the rant. I don't have any other support in real life either. No friends and not really any family I'm close enough to.

Have you ever sat with him and talked about the state of play between you and what each of you wants?

You are going to have to at some point, so bite the bullet and when you're both rested and not having to go anywhere ask him to sit down and TALK. You loved each other once. It's possible to find each other again.

Does he actually do any parenting now?

You have a very young child and soon a new baby. I think it would be premature to call it quits - marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. Surely it would be better to do everything you can to improve things before you're ready to throw in the towel?

One of you has to try and break the cycle of squabbling and sulking. Can you not sit down together and talk about how sad you feel that things have got so bad and that you want to try and get your relationship back on track. You could try couples counselling to start with. It will require effort from both of you, but I think it's worth seeing if he is willing to try at least before you walk away.

Before you chuck it in, have you ever sat down and had an honest, frank conversation about the situation? You really need to do this. It might not change anything but it might very well do so.

DH and I got into a similar place after DD was born. It wasn’t quite as bad as you describe but I did almost end it on at least two occasions. DD getting slightly older and then a very honest conversation got us back on track.

Couples counselling. Asap because you won't have much time once the baby arrives

As others say, you must talk to each other. When DC is in bed, or ideally get a babysitter and ask him to go out with you. Tell him you’re finding the situation unbearable and ask him if he is too. Ask if he wants to split up and how it would work. Any thing real.

Divorce is hard/expensive (Voice of experience) even when it's the right thing to do.

Make sure its the right thing. Don't look back and wish you'd tried counselling/talking/whatever.

No one has cheated/stolen/lied here.... can you claw it back?