To say 'Just tell someone, anyone ' is not always good advice?

[PinkRetro]

I mean when you are in a bad place and the advice is the above. Personally i don't think just telling anyone how you feel is a good idea. A lot won't care. A lot will feel embarrassed or awkward and won't know how to respond and others will just give a stock kind of answer such as 'Sorry you are feeling this way. Call the Samaritans. '

What do you think the advice should be?

Confiding is important though. What's that saying, I would rather mop up your tears today than cry for you tomorrow ?

Has someone let you down

It's better than not telling anyone though?

To take your time finding someone who you feel you can trust. I don't really know to be honest but as with my original post, not everyone can help or wants to.

I had birth trauma after my first child and held onto that advice as the only guiding light I could find. So few people cared. Most people tried to get me to look on the bright side, some people saw it as an invitation to have a 'bad birth competition. My heart would sink when someone would say 'at least you have a healthy baby!' like that made my nightmarish flashbacks go away.

I learned not to talk to people when in a mental health crisis because most people aren't trained, most people are well meaning, but toxic positivity when you really need therapy, can feel like being locked in a room and nobody will let you out.

I do know of a situation where someone I know went to her best friends house and asked her to bring her to A&E as she felt suicidal, but the friend just gave her some affirmations to recite instead. I can see why people feel like they can't open up.

If your theory is right, then, at worst, someone would be no better off from 'telling someone' but I think you underestimate the responses a distressed person will get.

There will be those who are genuinely compassionate and those who want to 'play the hero' by 'rescuing' someone, but either motive would lead to some kind of help or support.

A lot of people either don't care or don't know how to respond and make you feel even worse. It's also impossible to know how people will be until you try as people you would expect to be kind just try to change the subject but others really try to help.

Lots of people don't want to listen to someone moaning or take on someone else's problems.

Rather than focus on the practical support they can provide, sometimes just saying something out loud to someone can be enough to trigger getting help.

I agree and also, it’s not always the best idea for the individual, either. Sometimes distraction and resilience is key (depending on what the issue is of course) I’m not saying you should keep everything to yourself, but I don’t think you should share everything either.
I have a friend that verbalises nearly every single anxious thought she has over text message and gets very funny with you if you don’t reply back. It’s really draining.

In my experience people don’t understand or care and I felt worse for saying anything at all but I hope that people could open up to me.

I too think it's terrible advice. A lot of people can access 24 hour counseling helpline now through employer EAP, health cash plans, professional membership organisations etc ( I can access through all these routes, realise not everyone can tho). I'd always suggest those if someone approached me in a crisis, they are trained professionals after all. And for someone likely to need support on a regular basis I'd suggest joining a health cash plan on the lowest level as it would probably be worth it.

I've seen attempts to reach out to a family member weaponised against me at a later date so nah, fuck that. And with friends I think it would change the dynamic and lead to major feelings of awks on both sides.

I think you’re misinterpreting the intent of the advice. It’s more about speaking something out loud and recognising you need to take steps to get help than actually expecting a friend to rescue you.

I think when talking to someone you also have to recognise that sometimes they aren't in a place that they can help.

I seem to be someone that people open up to. I'm not sure why; I feel totally incapable of helping, and useless.
I do listen. But there have been times when mentally I am going through so much that I can't cope with anything else. Or what they're saying triggers my PTSD.
And that is very hard. Because I don't tend to tell people what I've been through, nor do I want to most of the time, then people don't know that I may not be coping with what they're sharing.

So if you are sharing and someone doesn't respond as you would wish, it may be that they are in a bad place themselves.

I agree. I think putting something into words can change it from an unfocused miasma of anxiety or despair into a tangible and specific issue. It helps to put things in perspective.

I think people just need to be aware that others may be going through stuff as well and aren't in a place to help much.
I don't want to talk about all the things I've gone through. Maybe I should. I don't know. But anyway, I don't want to. But if someone started talking to me about their birth trauma or similar I just don't have the capacity to listen to that after 3 miscarriages and zero children (and too old now to try any further). It's not that I don't care about my friends. I do. And I wouldn't tell them to shut up or anything. But I wouldn't encourage the conversation because I honestly am just too sad to listen to it. But no one knows this. They just see happy me who "wasn't bothered about having children" because that's what I've implied to avoid sympathy over the years. But the reality is very different.

my experience in recent years is that no one wants to help. It's possible that seeking help will make you feel worse.

but it depends on the situation surely. Sometimes a person can access professional help. I'm not sure if OP means that though.

I think over sharing everything has made the world a much harder and harsher place