To think my friend is being ridiculous?

[alvarez9012]

So today I met an old friend for lunch and a catch up. Naturally, Christmas plans came up and she got really upset when telling me that her cousin (who had been due to spend Christmas with her and the rest of the large extended family at their grandparents' house) has "let her down". I asked what had happened. My friend went on to explain that her cousin had pulled out of the murder mystery game that my friend had spent weeks/months planning for this Christmas. Said her cousin had decided to "clear off to Spain with her boyfriend" instead... Tbh, I don't really see the big deal. The cousin is an adult and her bf from what I can gather isn't around very much so they have to snatch time together whenever they can. I told my friend it's a pity her cousin can't be there, but she moaned about how she'd spend weeks writing the script for her "character" in the murder mystery and so on. I said oh well, looks like the show will have to just go on without her.
I hoped then that the conversation might move on but my friend spend the whole time of our meet up moaning about her cousin letting her down.
Personally I would totally understand and encourage anyone who didn't get to see their bf often to grab the chance of a Christmas minibreak.
My friend knows I've been going through a lot recently including threat of redundancy, issues with my health and other "real world" problems, but she just wanted to talk endlessly about this murder mystery party game and her cousin pulling out.
For context we're in our late 30s and have been friends for around 10 years.
AIBU to think it's not such a big deal that her cousin decided on a Christmas break with her bf rather than stay commited to this game?

Yep couldn't get excited about that and would have been nice to ask how you are doing.

And this affects you how?

I hope your friend doesn't find this thread

I think starting a thread about it is even more of an overreaction.

If your friend has months to plan a murder mystery event and write a script for it, I’m guessing she doesn’t have a lot going on? Maybe this is a really big deal for her. It was one evening of sympathy for a friend. I’d let it go.

We don’t own our family members, and while it may be disappointing that she now has other plans, these things happen in life all the time. Hope she has a good time, and tell her so!
Incidentally, you’ve had a pretty good moan too! Lighten up, life’s too short!

Sounds like your friend doesn't have much going on in their life.

Or, and I'll be the first to say it, maybe she's ND...

Christ, don’t make friends with any Dungeon & Dragon players. Some people take games very seriously.

And it does sound like she put a lot of effort into it.

She was probably hoping you’d take her place.

Let's hope she's not on Mumsnet eh? Or is this your way of telling her?

Yes OP. You're not being unreasonable. Everyone will pile on to tell you you're being unreasonable until some posters say otherwise and the tide turns. That's always the way on AIBU.

Your friend is tone deaf to moan for so long about such a trivial thing and seems to lack a functioning adult capacity to understand that people have lives to live and their plans don't revolve around her homemade murder mystery game 🙄 At most it would be understandable to have a bit of a tongue in cheek grumble about it and then move on with the conversation.

I'm afraid YABU. Writing a script for a murder mystery is not simple you have to include many clues and all the pieces are linked. Of her cousin has let her down then all that effort is wasted and it seems from what you say it meant a lot to her. Can't you empathise a bit?

Is your friend always that self absorbed?
Did she not ask about you and your plans?

So you"re trying to get a load of strangers to agree with you. Why? What's the point? I would need to know the other side of the story before making a judgement, but I honestly don't care. It's just not worth it.

Friend needs to get a job.

😂 my husband when it's 24 hours before the next d&d meet up and people start making excuses

It sounds like you view your problems and real problems and her problems as I important.

If she already knew about your problems I'm assuming you've already talked to her about them.

She put aot of work into her game and she's allowed to be disappointed.

I actually feel sorry for the friend.

The cousin is so rude to have accepted an invite for Christmas and then dump that plan when something "better" came along.

Sounds like she did put a lot of effort into the event and its ok to feel disappointed.

TBF it must of taken your friend ages to write it and it’s essentially ‘ruined’. It sounds trivial to most of us, and it sounds like you might of been trying to minimise her efforts instead of acknowledging her disappointment- hence her banging on about it even more.

YANBU OP. Your friend was rude to dominate the conversation all evening and not even ask about your health issues or redundancy fears.

Sad to say, she is not a friend.

Dump this one and focus on other friends.

Sound like you.also talk at your friends and don't let them get in a word.

My friends moan - sometimes I agree sometimes I don't but it's good to get it off your chest. You should also be able to say to a good friend 'ok, I've heard enough about that now' or 'let's talk about something else'

Its.not ok to let it overshadow the entire evening though. It's hardly OP's fault and she was made to suffer.

Then don't post if you don't care. Whose story? What an odd thing to post to someone who has said she is worried about her health and redundancy.