To give my therapist a Christmas card (and maybe small gift)?

[ijustneedtokeepbreathing]

I had never had therapy until I started weekly sessions with this therapist 6 months ago, so I have no idea what is or isn't appropriate in these situations.

He has helped me begin to process and deal with some awful stuff, most of which I am confronting for the first time. The sessions are definitely helping me to help myself.

I wanted to give him a Christmas card wishing him a good break and including a note to say thank you for the work to date.

Would this contravene professional boundaries? The whole client/therapist relationship is so new and bizarre to me.

I was also considering a small gift (eg a candle, nothing high value as am totally skint in any event 😂), but just typing this post out makes me think that it wouldn't be right some how, so I probably won't.

Thank you!

I always do. My psychiatrist says he really appreciates it. I always give him a very silly gift though - last year it was a small Lego kit.

A lovely idea - lots of regulated professions will have a gift acceptance limit so probably best to stick to a card or just something small if you are getting a gift.

I love the idea of a little lego kit @mynameiscalypso . Glad to hear he appreciates it!

I wouldn't give them a gift but I think a card is fine, although sign it with an initial rather than your full name.

I've been a counsellor for 35 years and always appreciate a card. I would feel fine with a token gift but not of high value.

Please don't.

Just keep him as your therapist.

Yes to the card, no to the gift. I'd really appreciate the card with a nice thank you note.

I think a card is lovely and nothing wrong with a small low value gift but at the same time if money is tight right now I really wouldn't worry about getting a gift, the card itself will show them you appreciate them.

Why do it with an initial @GermanBite ? If you don’t mind people knowing you’re having some therapy, it’s not a problem.

I saw a client as part of a GP practice wellbeing clinic thing and he sent a lovely card and message via GP reception - I still have it in the room I use to WFH on my desk as it brings me such joy still to know that he felt I had helped him.

He signed it with his name eg ‘John’ and I don’t see an issue with it at all.

I have worked years in NHS. Loved the cards. A gift isn't important.

sometimes I think you can overthink things. I personally think it’s easier to do what you want - if you normally do that sort of thing eg for doctors, consultants, cleaners etc then do it because it’s what’s comfortable for you.

if you don’t really give out cards or gifts to people you have a friendly working relationship with, then maybe don’t.

Christmas for me is combining with the end of my psychiatrist (I’m being transferred to specialist nurse) so I will get a 2 in 1 little gift and card that’s meaningful/funny to me.

it would be weirder not to

Thanks everyone.

@GermanBite I have a fairly common first name, so don't think I have an issue signing it with my first name.

Thinking about this kind of thing in my line of work, the thing I appreciate the most is a card with a handwritten message inside. Everything else is window dressing.

@SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament love the username! 😂

@ChristmasisinManchester this approach makes sense to me. I always give cards to, eg, my kids' teachers, the woman who runs the group exercise class I attend etc.

If your therapist did find it appropriate or not they could always take time to explain. You can say in your session the dilemma it’s caused and give some time to discuss it - whichever choice you make.

whenever I ovethink things I just think “I’ll say how I feel and they can sort the shit out”

that’s their job after all!

I'm a dc therapist, I often get cards and small gifts.
Occasionally I get larger gifts which I thank them for but refuse to accept.
Cards are absolutely appreciated and small gifts are also sweet if unnecessary.

@ChristmasisinManchester yes, this too!

I suppose in this context there might be stuff to analyse in the process of gifting something (motives, choice of gift, fear of rejection etc). Honestly, I think I'll stick to a card and a heartfelt note.

I wouldn’t. Especially not a gift. It wouldn’t even occur to me to do this. It probably depends on different things, but to my mind it’s more like, would I give my GP a Christmas card/ gift? Dentist? The nurse who does my blood tests? No.
It must vary because if I gave my psychiatrist a Lego set, they would interpret that as extremely strange behaviour that would probably go straight in my file, but for pp it was ok.

Not appropriate. I do not accept personal gifts from patients and it is quite embarrassing to refuse. A card is OK. A compliments letter that I can put in my appraisal is the best thing. Or a gift for the whole team like a box of biscuits is also OK but nothing personal for one person.

@ThePure I get this. But a card is OK?

For context, he is a sole therapist in private practice so I assume sets his own boundaries/rules as to what is OK and what isn't.

Just a card in that case would be OK

You’ll have gathered different people have different boundaries when it comes to gifts from clients. I’ve accepted cards and on occasion a small gift but usually when we’re stopping work together. A card at Christmas is fine - I keep mine in a folder to look at when I’m feeling a bit useless and they remind me I’ve done good work.

I gave my IDVA a card and a mug when he went on paternity leave and he seemed to really appreciate it. I'll give my therapist a card when we finish working together but probably not before that.

@Jellycatspyjamas it's really nice that you hold on to the cards to look at when you're feeling slightly useless. That's why I have always appreciated cards in a work context; they give a boost when you need it.

i love getting a card that says something specific such as ‘you really listened/ I felt supported’ which I can put in my appraisal portfolio. Don’t give a gift. Also think carefully about whether it is best to do this at the end of the therapy not during. Even the slightest shift in boundaries can interfere with the therapy