Strange reaction from partner

[Hubhubba26]

Am I being unreasonable?

I've long suspected my DS age5 almost 6 may be neuro diverse. My assumption was ADHD. Recently the school have introduced some interventions and implied the possibility of autism. They've forwarded an autism assessment form alongside an outline of how they'll support him. Obviously their help is greatly appreciated although this is very emotional for me. Autism, until recently, wasnt something I'd considered.

I'm finding my partner / DS's dad is reacting very strangely whenever I try to talk to him about the possibility of neuro diversity in our son. I would like more emotional support.

This morning I told him about the schools implications and the autism form and how it made me feel a bit wobbly. His response was odd. He told me to get on and complete the form "because you've been gagging to get him diagnoised with something for ages" followed by no comfort. Those were his actual words.

How would you feel if someone reacted in this way? I'm not sure whether to let it go or even how to feel about it at all.

I would say it sounds like he's really upset about it but can't handle his emotions on it so would rather just ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist.

You're tackling the issue while dealing with your emotions around it therefore coming at it from a very different angle.

He doesn't have the emotional maturity that you have to be able to cope and face the fact that your child is neurodivergent. His fear of that is causing him to basically stick his head in the sand and kick out at anyone trying to pull his head out.

If he's normally a nice guy I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and try and sit down for a proper conversation about it. Once he faces his fear he will hopefully see it's not that dreadful and be able to have an actual conversation.

He's probably struggling to deal with the possibility and lashing out in anger. He sounds like he's in denial and unable to offer you any support, that might change when/if you have a formal diagnosis and he has time to process it. I hope so, because it's much easier to parent if you're both on the same page.

I'd be pissed off though.

When you have a child who is, or may be, neuro diverse, it can be that the expectation you have of your child needs to be adjusted, based on the needs of the child. Some people find it difficult because parents have hopes and dreams for their children and to change those isn’t always easy.

Perhaps DS’s dad is reacting because he is unsure about how to deal with a new situation and is deflecting his anxiety to you, whilst you have your own to deal with. Your boy is still your boy, the child you know and love, whatever. It’s great that the school is acknowledging and giving support and that they want to offer more in future.

You're also bound to feel somewhat ambivalent about it; wanting him to have the support he needs, but anxious too. Fill in the form and get the ball rolling. It helps to know what you’re dealing with.

Thank you everyone for your responses. It is a hard thing to handle minus the support. I would imagine a diagnosis would help but even then we would need to be on the same page and communicate and agree on how best to care for our son and think about changes in schooling and discipline etc. . Presently the communication isn't there

So it could be that he's just struggling as well.

It could also bve that like many many people, he doesn't want to acknowlege there's a problem and he thinks that a "label" is bad because on some level, he thinks that people who are ND are "less"

Lots of people refuse to see what's in front of them. x100 if it's to do with autism which has a massively negative image for many people.