DD is in Year 7 at a mainstream secondary school. She's autistic and has an EHCP. She's a very kind, honest and empathic child but worries a lot about how she's perceived and needs much support with this at school and home. She also tends to over-apologise and blame herself for everything, which we're working on with her and school are aware of this.
The other week she had a minor falling out with a boy in her class - apparently he wasn't letting her contribute to a shared task so she snapped "why won't you let me join in?" and told the teacher, who intervened and told them to work together. The boy spent the rest of the lesson ignoring her, which confused DD so she tried to apologise in case she'd upset him, but said he just smirked.
Over the next few days he then either blanked her or laughed at her when she walked past. At first we encouraged DD to ignore his behaviour and tell a teacher if it continued (which she did), but when nothing seemed to improve and she was still extremely anxious about it, I asked her teacher to look into it. She replied that DD "has been offered a restorative justice meeting" with the boy but had declined, and that we should encourage DD to take up this offer to resolve things. When I asked DD how she felt about this, she said was frightened to have such a meeting "in case he hurts me" (he hasn't physically, but apparently he's sent out of class a lot for poor behaviour so she finds him very threatening). However, she was told the following day again to "think about it" and now feels she has to agree to the meeting.
I'm feeling very uneasy about this. Firstly, we weren't told about this option before it was presented to DD, and school is meant to inform us about proposed interventions. Secondly, as I understand it, RJ is only appropriate where the perpetrator has expressed contrition and the potential for further upset/harm to the victim is very low, but I don't think this is the case here as he seems to be enjoying the power over DD from what she says. I've no idea if the boy has even agreed to an RJ meeting before the idea was put to DD.
WIBU to tell school that a RJ meeting is not appropriate in this case, and that framing this a "both sides" situation sends the wrong message to all parties, especially given DD's issues? I'd be willing to consider it in the right circumstances but I really don't think it's a good idea here, and as a "strict" school that prides itself on having zero tolerance to bullying, I'm surprised they're suggesting it for a situation like this. Interested to hear other views though - does anyone have any experience of this approach being used well in similar circumstances?