To ask if life gets easier when your child is at school?

[Overthemeadow]

I have two young children, four and one, and I am completely shattered, moody, snappy, I can barely tolerate myself to be honest.

My friend with an older child keeps telling me it will be so much better when my DS is at school (next September) I’m kind of holding into that but I have doubts!

Are you going to have one at nursery and one at school next year? I found that juggle really tricky (plus working).

If you are at home with just one and the oldest is at school I imagine it'll be easier.

Easiest so far is now my youngest is in reception and I can drop them off and pick them up from the same place.

In my experience it does (obviously some children have different needs), and it just gets easier as they get older and the demands are less absolutely constant. Two little ones is tough, don’t be hard on yourself - you will look back and be proud of all the work you did. And it is likely you will have a great deal more time and patience.
I have one preschooler and he goes to nursery some days so I can work, my elder one is in school, it feels so different and life has so much more space in it for me. Keep going!

Yes I'd definitely say my life is easier now mine are both school age. A bit more logistically complicated (after-school activities, reading diaries, own clothes days, blah blah) but they both require so much less supervision and are increasingly occupied with activities that don't require my active involvement. And if they're really getting on my tits I can take them to a soft play and they just run off while I sit there with a book. Also: way smaller childcare cost.

It depends what you find hard and easy.

I found juggling school harder than juggling nursery as it wasn't set up for work. I had a spreadsheet of childcare as it got so complicated. Plus there were lots of random dress up days at short notice and forms and assemblies.

But on the flip side, the days I was at home and he was at school, it was easier. My eldest was an incredibly active child and school properly occupied him. He went through a developmental leap and started to understand instructions more and sit and focus. It also gave a structure to the day which my younger one slotted into.

Do you not work? If you are a SAHM, then yes, I would imagine being at home with one child all day is easier than two.

I found working and having to sort out one child getting to and from school, and then sorting out a preschooler/baby who was in a different place much more stressful! Especially throwing in illness, snow days and insets!

I was a SAHM and found one at school and one at home quite difficult. Because you're not actually at home most of the time! Trying to fit activities with the toddler around the school run as well as shopping etc was quite hard. And then having to entertain a toddler whilst the older one was doing extra curricular activities after school was difficult too.
I think each stage has it's challenges. Don't get me started on the teenage years, which in many ways are like the toddler years but without the benefit of being able to physically pick them up!

Hmmm, I've got one at school and one at private nursery. School one is obviously much more independent, gets himself ready, doesn't make a massive mess etc but there are a lot of demands from the school that you just don't get at nursery - bring cakes on this day, non uniform day for a £1, parents come to look at work on this day, plus there's daily reading, weekly spelling and maths which is all quite hard to fit round a younger child, both of us working, DS in clubs and us all needing some down time. And there's 13 weeks of holiday to cover.

So yeah, he's probably easier to deal with but there's a lot going on.

Thanks for answering.

i work three days a week, it is stressful as I feel a bit like I’m expected to be both a SAHM (because I am part time) and full time in my job because I am three days!

I think for my days off it will be easier because I’ll only have the one and my friend experienced something similar to @Frowningprovidence , that her ds ‘grew up’ a lot when he started school.

Three now at school - year 3, 2 and reception. The juggle is tricky - drop offs, pick ups, club, mufti days, 50p for some random thing! What brought my sanity back was when everyone slept better. The middle and youngest still aren't perfect at sleeping but I have been less snappy and irritable since being able to sleep. You don't realise quite what an impact the sleep deprivation is until you get sleep back.

Oh yes, I forgot the sleep benefits. These days the DC get themselves up and into their clothes themselves and make their own cereal in the morning. On the weekends we can just leave them to it and stay in bed an extra few hours. Bliss.

Swings and roundabouts. Sorting out breakfast and after school club can be tricky then you've school holidays to think about, whereas an all year round nursery sorted that for you.

Homework and being more organise for school stuff makes it harder- different uniforms, ironing shorts, school plays, money for this and that. A lot to remember but very fun.

Yes - somehow busier and easier all at once! Older dc will fall into a routine and be more self sufficient.

If you have clothes laid out, shoes cleaned and bag packed by 7am then it will go smoothly: My dc (Jan born and quite immature generally) was soon able to dress himself, eat breakfast mostly unsupervised, clean teeth, get shoes on.

Don’t underestimate what a lurch it is starting school - the settling in phase is crazy if you’re working (as most schools do ridiculous patterns of half days for a few weeks) and most kids find it emotional and shattering.

And if you work it remains hard juggling drop off at 8.45 and pick up at 3.15 , unless you use wrap around which just adds to the kids exhaustion!

But it is definitely easier. Definitely!

My dc2 is now y1 and things work like clockwork.

By summer y5 they are walking themselves to and from school and that’s just fab.

Hold tight - your life will improve!

School admin is a nightmare, ridiculous dressing up and homework to support, and if working childcare is more difficult than nursery or childminder as you gave wraparound and holidays to worry about. On the plus side kids are sleeping better as they get older and childcare bill goes down.

I don’t think it’s school that makes it easier but as they get older it gets easier and only having one child home 2 days a week when you’re not working is of course easier

What's stopping you from working FT and putting your second child in nursery ?

It sounds like it's as much about your job expecting the work of 5 days for the cost of 2, and potentially your husband [I recognise I'm reaching here] expecting everything to be magically done in your two days "off" with a toddler in tow? Sod that !!

It does get easier - you can throw out all the play dough and paints. They can do the super messy stuff at school and you just have to deal with it coming home in school bags 😁
They get sick less. Usually anyway.
You need less clothes as they're in uniforms. You can stop having rows in shoe shops about impractical options as "school rules". ......
They get more manageable as a rule. They're used to a school routine and doing what they are told. If you pay attention to how teachers manage a classroom of kids, it's useful to take notes because they don't use "because I said so".

I think it depends. I found that a lot of people I know ended up having to reduce their work hours when kids started school due to lack of wraparound childcare.

I had to change my hours to do pickups, and find working the same hours over 5 days rather than 4 harder, in some ways. If you have an afterschool club or childminders available, then it might be very different.

Also, the move to needing holiday childcare was also an adjustment.

However, I found my school much less crazy than nursery for dropping difficult requests with zero notice ("tomorrow, can they wear something tartan", etc).

The year or two with one off nursery on a non-working day, and one at school was less fun than I expected, as it doesn't leave as much time between drop off and pick up as it feels like it should.

I don't find school hard but its juggling 2 in different childcare setting that is a nightmare.

I reduced my hours to 30 a week when my eldest started school but its still hard.

Its constant trying to remember who has what event/activity when as obviously they don't do anything the same. PE days, mufti days, paying for school trips and wrap around care (breakfast club for us), nursery events, paying nursery etc. Then with school holidays I am always trying to figure out who is covering what days eldest has off.
Then day to day its get up, drop children at breakfast club and nursery, work, from work I collect eldest from school, home for 45 mins (enough time for homework and maybe some dinner prep), collect youngest from nursery, dinner, bath bed.......every day!

I'm holding out until my youngest is at the same school too. At least then its only one setting, one drop off and one pick up to deal with.

Yes, a bit. A lot more when they're past ks2 imho.

Sorry ks1.

Entering past ks2 with one now and not enough experience to comment!

School admin is a nightmare though

I think it depends if there is sen involved. If the DC if non-verbal or not coping at school then it can get very hard, but for a lively, verbal engaged child I think it must be a bit easier once they are at school.

Both harder and easier.

Harder bits:

• School day is obviously shorter than a nursery day so drop-offs/pick-ups are a juggle
• Wraparound care (if it exists at your school - which isn't a given) is then another set of admin and organisation to do. Wraparound hours might be shorter than nursery (ours closes at 5:30pm for example, whereas nursery was 6pm)
• SO MANY random school activities to remember - sports day, xmas concert, £1 for cooking here and there, book day, school trips, discos, odd sock day etc. PE kits to remember and they change the PE days all the frigging time!
• Loads of admin! Homework, school dinner ordering, paying for school trips, logging reading in the reading journal, TTRS, learning weekly spellings, endless emails and dojo messages everyday. I know its not much, but together it all adds up (especially if you have 2 at primary) and is difficult to fit around FT work I've found!
• They tend to do a lot of clubs at primary age. This adds extra admin and even more juggling as you have to organise getting to and from the club, correct kits etc.

Easier bits:

• Child is just older so can occupy themselves well when not in school.
• Generally kids can get themselves dressed etc. so less physically demanding than when they're toddlers

I have the same age gap, and I've found that the older the older kid gets, the easier it gets (on average, obviously there are always good days and bad). Haven't hit the teenage years yet though 🫣