Those with a Friend with benefits

[WWY]

I need some advice.
I knew a guy 12 years ago. We messed around a bit and had fun but it was never anything serious. We just drifted apart naturally.
Now, suddenly last weekend he sent a message on fb and it was a literal blast from the past!
First of all it's just general, how you been etc and how's your life now and so on.
Then he tells me he's now divorced and would love to take me out for dinner and just hang out as possible friends with benefits.
Charming, I know!
I'm 39 he's 42 for reference.
A big reason I'm considering this is because I appreciate his honesty. I used to really like him and we spoke all the time. He's also aesthetically very pleasing and conventionally gorgeous. 6'5 the whole typical lot!
I know that shouldn't influence me but I'm not going to lie, it does a bit, I'm very attracted to him. Also, secretly flattered that he finds me attractive too...
So, my question really is for other women who have FWB. Do you enjoy it? Does it become too much of a headache?
I'm a very liberal person so I'm ok with a more casual approach on the whole and I do love a more adventurous life. But, I don't know if it's wise to go back after so many years?

Is it friends with benefits, or is it a fuck buddy? I think those are two different situations and this sounds more like the latter than the former.

That might still be fine for you. Sounds like you'll enjoy it.

One thing I would suggest, that might sound a bit odd, is block out a week or two in your calendar a few months in advance and plan not to see him during that period, but take the time to think about how you're feeling about the situation and whether you still want to continue. Sometimes it can help to have some time to take a step back and reflect, and it's easier to make that happen if you plan it.

@LittlePudding1 I agree with this!

Life is too short. If you're both single and find eachother attractive then have some bloody fun!

Fair point.

I had a completely unproblematic FWB for years between relationships. It worked well for us both, it was never more than sex with friendship, we were both very clear about the parameters, and we're still in touch, though we live in different countries. I think some of the responses on here show why it doesn't work for some women -- they see sex as something women give to men as a 'reward' for pretending to be interested in a relationship. I wasn't giving anyone anything when I had my FWB. Neither of us was dressing it up as anything it wasn't, or needing to feign a desire for something other than sex. It was great to have reliably good sex on tap with someone I liked.

Are you actively dating? He’s going to use you as a stop gap for sex while he tries to meet someone he actually wants to be with. I think that’s ok if you’re both doing that, but if all your eggs are in his proverbial basket, I think you’re going to end up very hurt.

I have only done this once and here we are still together 7 years later with 2 kids. He's 6'3 😆

They only work if the woman doesn't want a relationship. Not just 'accepts that HE doesnt'. But actually doesnt want one. Which happens- it describes my current situation and FWBs work for me!

🤭🤭 what have you decided? Tell me you're going for it

I've been single since dd was conceived. Im hoping to get myself fit next year and then get on hinge 🙈🙈

I imagine he’s trawling through his past and messaging everyone who he remembers. Be wary.

If he wants a hook up tell him to try Tinder.

What happens if you want more?
What happens if wants more and you don't.
What happens if he finds someone else?
Why cant you get together as a couple properly if he's divorced now?
Why did he divorce, was he playing around?

I'm mostly gay - I've only ever dated women. But I do have a male FWB, we've known each other 20 years and are friends.

And a a couple of years ago we became FWB - a few times a year we meet up and have a nice meal and have some fun.

He's attractive, funny and believes the 'correct' female to male orgasm ratio during an evening's fun is 4:1, which makes it good fun...

We're both very clear on our position, neither want a relationship and just want a bit of fun now and then.

Sounds good to me, I'd go for it

I had a FWB.

Reader, I married him.

I had a FWB for a couple of years. He ended up getting feelings for me.

I moved away but we keep in touch via WhatsApp.

I’ve had a FWB for more than 14 years. I definitely didn’t want a relationship, I have a fulfilling life and lots of friends and I don’t need a plus one, don’t want anyone to share my house, don’t want a ‘partner’ but I missed having sex.

We’re both fond of each other, these days we only meet up every couple of months and we don’t always have sex but he’s a good friend and I enjoy his company. I think the important thing is that you are both clear about it. Yes, feelings can change, but that can also happen in a more traditional relationship. Go for it, have some fun and accept that it’s probably not forever. It will do wonders for your self-esteem.