To think she shouldn't be commenting on exes?

[EvieR]

I was recently visiting family, a big get together which doesn't happen very often.

Ten years ago I broke up with a boyfriend after years together. It was a nice break up all things considered and we stayed friends until I found my partner and he found his wife.

Although I consider my current partner my great love, I consider this ex my other great love it didn't quite work out with.

Somehow my mum managed to bring this ex up in a conversation joking about something he once did to everyone and saying 'it was never going to work out with that guy' in a sort of boastful way in front of everyone.

I felt so hurt in the moment because even though we split up he still holds a special place in my heart. I felt the relationship was made into a joke in front of my family. AIBU?

My mum mentions my ex on occasion, and sings his praises. I wish she’d do what yours did instead.

You sound a bit oversensitive to a passing comment. It’s quite normal to tease family about old boyfriends etc.

It made me realize she doesn't know how much he meant/means to me to be so casual.

The story she told everyone and joked about was not a story I wanted shared with family.

I think that's really horrible of her. I'm guessing she doesn't get the depth of feeling you had?

I agree with your take on relationships. I also think that many relationships are wonderful and we should cherish them even though they end. It isn't always the case that someone was lucky to get away, or has done better etc. Sometimes two great people have a great love and it doesn't last the whole of their lifetime but that doesn't make it a failure or a mistake.

It was 10 years ago and not a bad break up, I don't think she needs to be more sensitive really, this one is you being over sensitive.

@5475878237NC I don't think she does.

If she wants to talk shit about the guy that cheated, she can go ahead, but not a man I loved and will always have fondness for.

And I felt I couldn't call her out in the moment because she said it in front of 7 relatives.

It was 10 years ago. He really shouldn’t mean anything to you now.

I honestly think you're being a bit silly.

Shouldn't mean anything?

I beg to differ. I had other boyfriends before my current wonderful (and best!) partner but I disagree he shouldn't mean anything to me at all. I don't think she should comment at all.

You asked AIBU and I gave you my opinion. Sorry if you were looking for everyone to pile into your mum for behaving in a perfectly normal way.

What does he mean to you now, honestly? You say you were friends until you both found partners, which suggests you’re not friends now (and honestly perhaps wasn’t that strong a friendship at all if it could be ended by respective relationships).

It’s fine to have fond memories of the relationship but this reaction is a bit silly if you broke up a decade ago.

You do sound a bit oversensitive to be honest. She was joking about someone you broke up with 10 years ago, I doubt that she thought it would be upsetting to you. At worst, it was a bit clumsy and thoughtless of her - but we've all put our foot in it on occasion and misjudged the situation! If she's generally a good mum, just let it go.

I would try to not let this upset you. Of course she doesnt know the ins and outs of what went on.

She sees you happy now with a nice guy and celebrates it. Peoplw get things wrong sometimes but best for your sake to think thats their problem and dont make it yours.

Neither of you were being unreasonable. Perhaps she's never had an ex she split with amicably that's all. Many haven't. My mum is like this and will bang on about how weird it is people are on good terms with exes. There's no malice in it it's just not her experience.

Just mention to her there was no need as ex was a good friend and she can apologise for not knowing and that should be the end of it.

Without knowing the story of what he "did to everyone", it's hard to tell if she was being particularly cruel in telling the story. You can treasure memories you have of an ex, but your mum doesn't need to know about it. Unless the story was immensely relevant to the discussion, this type of storytelling has nothing to do with your ex and is all about the impression it gives of you. Does your mum try to put you down a lot?

Meh it’s a nonevent, I’d just move on.

This is you, OP. If you didn’t read her a self-righteous little sermon about The Place He Still Has In Your Heart, she’s not to know you are still soppy about him. Plus, maybe she didn’t like him. She’s entitled to have her own feelings about her daughter’s long-past ex, without deferring to yours.

Your reaction does feel a bit unhealthy, OP.

What did he ‘do’ to everyone anyway?

Calling an ex “your other great love” is pretty insensitive/disrespectful to your current DP tbh. I think if you’re comfortable dishing out comments like that you need to learn to accept other people’s comments more gracefully.

After 10 years someone mentioning an ex that you parted with on good terms should not cause this much upset, most people would either laugh or just ignore.

You were upset by your mum’s comment but you haven’t told her so. She probably has no idea your ex is such a sensitive subject. Perhaps you are wanting her to understand you without you having to explain? That is likely to lead to disappointment.

So the only answer is to go and speak to her, isn't it?
You came here to ask for opinions and, yes, for a lot of people your reaction is... unusual. I have many exes who I am very fond of but don't feel particularly strongly about my family making a joke about them. My view is not going to have any influence on your feelings, though, even if I tell you that you are being unreasonable. So no point in asking this question if you are not prepared to shift from your position. So go and speak to your mum and ask her not to do it.