Tell Neighbour's partner the truth?

[TeaAndCake28]

Long story short, asked Neighbour if they would help out with my son after school twice per week (20 mins). Said I would pay for their trouble. Wife said 'dont tell (partners name) you are paying me else he will want the money" so I havent said anything to the partner. This arrangment was happening over 3 months and all was ok. However, her partner has started asking me to do stuff for them like take stuff to the tip, collect shopping.... and I have not done so due to work (they dont work) - he thinks I am being selfish expecting them to look after my son while doing nothing to help them out in return. He has started being off hand and cutting me evils. I now dont feel happy taking my son over. All this because she won't tell him I am paying them to look after my son 2 afternoons a week for 20 mins. Shall I tell him and get her in trouble? I just dont want him treating me like this because he thinks I am expecting them to help me while not helping them.

Might it help her situation if you gave her supermarket gift cards instead of cash?

I would say the underlying issue is the neighbour asked OP not to tell the partner; she hasn't; now the partner thinks the neighbour (his partner) is doing it for free and he's annoyed OP won't do things in return like taking things to the tip. It could be a volatile situation. We don't know if the neighbour is "under his thumb" trying to get some money together, or the neighbour's partner is just annoyed because they're helping OP with school pick up and they're not taking his things to the tip. Regardless, if I was OP I'd make other arrangements childcare while keeping communication open to neighbour in case she needs someone to listen to her

It's an impossible situation because if I were him, thinking you're dumping your child on them and not helping out in return AT ALL (which is the lie you're both weaving) then I'd be hacked off too.

If you tell him "we've been lying to you all this time" I'd be even more hacked off.

Just back away. It's not worth the hassle.

I feel awful for the poor woman frightened to tell her husband she's getting a little bit of money. It sounds like he might keep all the money and she's trying to keep just a tiny bit, because it's very strange taking money from someone for 20 minutes when you aren't actually doing anything other than what you're already doing with your own child or spending any money.

I understand you not wanting to come across as being an A-hole, but there will definitely be a good reason she didn't want him to know so anything you would have said would cause trouble for her. If he is giving neighbours evils for simply not doing something that isn't their responsibility or they have time for, then think how he treats his family if he doesn't get his way.

I drove past him this evening and he cut me the biggest evil. She is now ignoring me.

That’s exactly why I suggested upthread that the OP pay her with supermarket gift cards. The husband might otherwise take the cash for his own pleasures.

Oh God, what a bellend of a man

Sorry she's ignoring you - sounds like she could've been a good friend but it's her loss op x

If he's abusive, she may be ignoring you because of him, whether he's told her directly or she's scared to contradict him.

It sounds like a really sad situation, something mutually beneficial for 2 mums has been wrecked by this dickhead.

I was trying to think of a way his behaviour might be explained by something not abusive, but nothing really seems plausible.

This is an impossible situation. I'd change the childcare arrangements and tell her why truthfully.