Am I ND?

[FullMoon23]

I get so easily overloaded.
Overwhelmed.
I'm so frustrated by it.
It's like my brain can't cope with too many layers of information, or too many things to do. I feel my brain go into meltdown if I've got too much going on in my day to day life.
And another thing that happens is that when I've got too many chores or things that I need to do or complete, my brain literally freezes, gets overwhelmed, and then I can't do any of the things I need to get done. I try so hard to break things down, to tackle each little thing on its own, to try and manage things, but it doesn't work. I just see or think about how much there is to do and then my brain freezes up and I can't do any of it.
If I've got too much going on in my life, I feel like I need to shut down and retreat.
I regularly go and sit in bed with cups of tea for hours at a time to just sit in silence and get away from the noise of life.
I don't cope well with all the demands of modern life, the fast paced life, the expectations of rapid respinse to texts, emails, calls, busy traffic, high workload, high expectations from friends and family, it's like my brain can't keep up with the pace of it all.
Sometimes I feel like I literally have to block things out if there's too much information going into my brain because otherwise I feel like my brain is going to implode from sensory overload.
Looking back on my life, I was the 'good girl' all through school. I was quiet, obedient, compliant, never in a million years would I have been rebellious. I spent all my childhood and teenage years trying really hard not to draw any attention to myself. I just needed to keep quiet and have lots of downtime in order to keep myself feeling OK.
I failed my A levels because I literally couldn't cope with the pressure of the exams so I just didn't show up for them, even though I was on track to get excellent grades. God knows how I passed my GCSEs because I got overloaded everytime I tried to revise all my subjects so I just didn't revise at all, I abjectly avoided revising because it triggered a huge stress response in my brain due to overloading, yet somehow I managed to pass all my exams with good grades.
I really wanted to go to university but I didn't because I couldn't work out how I'd cope with the workload involved, even though intellectually I was capable of learning at degree level. I couldn't have got in after not taking my A's anyway.
Through my 20s and 30s I coped with working full time by being quite solitary the rest of the time; I needed the solitariness to calm my brain down and to offset the demands and pressures of work and all the interaction my job required and the mental overloading of work demands.
I'm 50 now and feel like my brain is hurting, cracking, from having a job and young children who need so much from me, plus all the normal demands from life. If one thing goes wrong, or an additional thing needs seeing to, I can't cope with it, like I mean my brain literally cannot cope with the additional strain. And it's causing problems for me because I'm not getting life admin done.
I'm a clever and intelligent person but I haven't progressed in my career because the thought of doing additional professional development feels much too overwhelming, to the point that I just can't do it, which means I'm not reaching my potential at work. And this impacts my earning potential.
It makes me sad that all through my childhood years, every single solitary teacher I ever had from primary all through to the end of secondary said to my parents at parents evenings and on my school reports "FullMoon is such a clever girl but she really doesn't try hard enough". All I ever got told was that I wasn't trying hard enough. That if I tried harder I would be a straight A student and that it was such a shame I wasn't because I had the potential but I needed to work harder. Every year I got told that. But what they didn't know was that I was trying my absolute hardest every single day just to try and cope with even being at school. Literally just being there was mentally draining and physically unsettling for me. I really, really struggled to cope. But I coped silently for 12 years and nobody knew because I never told anyone. I just did a very good job of avoiding any attention to my struggles, kept my head down, and stayed quiet.
I look around me now at fellow mums who have kids the same age as mine, and who have high flying top earning careers and amazing social lives, who throw and attend parties and events, and I shrink away from all that because I quite literally wouldn't be able to cope with that level of stimulation going on in my life.
I'm popular. Lots of people like me and either want to make friends with me or established friends who try hard to maintain our friendship. But I shut them all out a lot of the time because when the texts come through or the invites come, my brain is saying "Please leave me alone! I've got too much going on in my brain and I can't cope with making plans to meet up cos it just adds even more overload!". I'm amazed they persist with me.
My mortgage deal expired 3 weeks ago and I know I need to get a new fixed deal yet I just can't do it. I cannot get my brain into the right gear to do all the admin required to remortgage. I'm procrastinating to the absolute extreme and yet I really want and need to get it sorted out. This is 1 example of many I could give you.
Am I ND?

You say you did A Levels... are you based in England now?

Maybe but also the human brain hasn't caught up with where technology is yet and at a societal level we can't cope either. Human beings in general are fatigued and burned out, we aren't designed to process as much information as we do at the speed we take it in at.

Maybe, maybe not, if it’s important for you to know for definite it can be relieving to go through the diagnosis to know one way or the other, but if not regardless you can use nd coping techniques and similar to help with life. I’m autistic to function at life I use a lot of apps, techniques to break things down into manageable chunks, Google calendar like a second brain so I don’t have to remember anything and the date of when I must do something type thing

Nobody can diagnose you on mumsnet OP.

I’m really sorry you’re struggling. Can you look online for support groups for people with neurodiversity and see if they can offer help? Can you go to see your GP and explain what you’ve explained here and see what they advise?

Take the pressure off yourself and try not to compare yourself to others - you really don’t know their circumstances. You have a job, mortgage and children, that sounds good - you don’t need a high flying job, many people don’t for many reasons. Do you have a partner? Can they assist with life admin?

Just not being able to cope isn't a sign of being ND, autism is a social and communication condition and the challenges surround that are are often comorbid with other conditions like Sensory Processing Disorder that often leads to sensory seeking / avoiding or overwhelm resulting in meltdowns or shutdowns

Some of the ICD criteria for autism is below and a quick Google for ICD or DSM will give you more insight into criteria for other ND conditions.

• persistent deficits in initiating and sustaining social communication and reciprocal social interactions that are outside the range of typical functioning given the person’s age and level of intellectual development
• persistent restricted, repetitive and inflexible patterns of behaviour, interests, or activities that are clearly atypical or excessive for the person’s age and sociocultural context
• the onset of the disorder occurs during the developmental period, typically in early childhood
• note that characteristics might not fully manifest until later in life due to increased social demands
• characteristics result in significant impairment in personal, family, social, educational, occupational or other important areas.

It would not hurt for you to explore techniques used by ADDers on helping to stay on track with tasks though like body doubling, rewarding yourself for completing the task before doing the task.

No one can diagnose you online, you could be or you could be depressed, nutrient deficient, have SAD or any number of other things. Go and see your GP in the first instance.

Even if you are, getting a diagnosis isn't an excuse or magic bullet so try to focus on solutions like breaking tasks into smaller ones or deciding on 3 priorities for the week to focus on

Maybe. Maybe anxiety maybe specific difficulties around processing info maybe adhd (inattentive type). Maybe a combination. Would you be able to see someone for an assessment?

I'm autistic and struggle with what you say.

If I knew that before marriage and kids I wouldn't have done either.

I need time alone quite not doing anything but those 3 won't allow it.

Go to the doctors if you're after a diagnosis.

It can be a magic bullet. An assessment can allow you to access help for the first time.

Some types of ND or other conditions can be medicated.

@DisappearingJellyfish

I was diagnosed age 35 5 years ago. Not had any help.

Everything sounds familiar in your post. I'm diagnosed with Asperger's and I have very poor executive functioning. I agree with the first post, that humans haven't evolved to deal with this way of life, but obviously those of us with poor executive functioning and a low tolerance for stress and sensory input are far worse at dealing with it.

What you describe sounds like inattentive ADHD. For a diagnosis of autism you'd have to have a history of social impairments. I'm fairly well-liked these days and like a good chat, but that's a relatively recent development (I'm 52).

What you have described here is exactly how I feel @FullMoon23 I have recently diagnosed myself with ADHD, rightly or wrongly, just by thinking about things I do and comparing that with lists of symptoms. I have managed a busy life on not enough sleep, get through hard times and situations with patience, and I can continue indefinitely if I need to. But boy am I exhausted. I am definitely 'different' in ways I can't really articulate, which leads me to think I am ND in some way, but I have no way of knowing without professional diagnosis. Do you want to be assessed OP? Do you think it will do you any good?

You have to ask for help after your diagnosis. As stupid it is, it isn't automatically offered or even signposted that well. But there is support out there - they just make it hard for ND brains to access it!

I could have written a lot of this.

I have always felt 'different'. Having kids has done me in really, I can just never get the space and time to myself that I need. Often sit in bed just wishing everyone to disappear.

Both my kids are autistic and one is diagnosed with ADHD too. They are amazing but have poor mental health and are highly anxious, and need more support because of this. Going through their assessments I realised I would v likely be diagnosed too - definitely ADHD and quite possibly autistic.

I'm also perimenopausal.

Don't know what to tackle first or what would help. Anxiety meds, HRT, ADHD diagnosis so I could try those meds. Have a bottle of CBD oil on the side ready to try...

No one on Mumsnet can diagnose you as being neurodivergent.

Go to your GP?

Hi OP, I have ASC and the overwhelm you describe is not familiar to me (it is a little but not to the degree you have it), but it would sound familiar to my DD, who also has ASC and often 'freezes'.

That said, it's also common to, and perhaps more pronounced in, inattentive ADHD.

I'd strongly recommend you seek a diagnosis, privately if you can afford it (as otherwise the waits are 2 years), but only with someone experienced with ND within women and girls.

I'd also say that perimenopause can be much worse for women with ND, so if you're suddenly feeling your symptoms more acutely, that could be why. I found peri really bad, it made my anxiety a million times worse. Thank god for HRT!

Good luck, be kind to yourself x

A huge amount of your post I could relate to. I am on the pathway to getting diagnosed for ADHD (I think I have ASD as well but no idea if it will all be assessed together). I know when I saw someone on here post on here showing autism traits in girls I had a lightbulb moment as I recognised almost everything in myself when I was at school.

If you thick you might be, contact your GP (I emailed mine and they sent the form to complete) - if your answers to that indicate you might be, they will get you on the waiting list.

Good luck!

@Borntorunfast Depending on where the OP lives, a private assessment might be a bad idea or it might be her only real option. Hence why I asked where she lives in my first post.

@Tillow4ever It would make sense to assess multiple ND conditions at the same time, but they often do them separately.

Thank you! I asked about both in my initial email to them (that took me 2 years to get the courage to write) but they only gave me an ADHD questionnaire. I guess we shall see.

I have heard that our work healthcare will be adding autism diagnosis in the new year - I need to get the ins and outs of that to see if it's worth doing that instead!