Birthdays

[Lillabetty]

I've always hated my birthday from a young age. As I'm getting older the hate for it is growing. I always get very tearful leading upto and on the day of my birthday.

I dont make a habbit of telling work colleagues and new people when my birthday is the only people that know are family and old friends.

It's my birthday today and I recieved a message from a "friend" early hours of this morning asking what time I'm in today to drop a gift round. I told her that I appreciate the thought but I'm not celebrating i don't want no fuss I just want it to be a normal day. She's now saying im selfish disrespectful and shes disappointed in me shes also demanding a apology.

I've had the year from hell my mum very traumaticaly died in april still having issues with my narcissistic ex partner (father to my children) my so called friends have ghosted me and said "friend" in this post hasn't bothered with me since my mums funeral in may. It's just me and my 3 children the last thing I want to do is celebrate a day that I detest. So my gift to me is I've booked an extra hour today with my therapist

AIBU to not want to celebrate my birthday this year? Am I in the wrong for upsetting my friend?

I'm so sorry OP. She sounds way out of line 💐

Yes and no to the AIBU question - I also hate my birthday - always have done as something bad always happens on this day and 20 years ago my DB died on my birthday, it really is a rubbish day.....but since becoming a Mum I force myself to make the effort for my DC so that they have happy memories - I will smile and eat cake and let them make a fuss of me whilst inside I want to hide away. I think maybe you could have told your pal a little white lie and say that you were going out for the day and that you could catch up with her in a few days time - she obviously cares about you enough to remember your birthday and go to the effort of getting you a gift - I think her feelings have been really hurt by the truth. I hope you are ok and have a nice day 💐

It's my birthday today too and I don't celebrate it either. I'm 59 today. I think my family would like to make more of it but respect my feelings. I hate celebrations. I'm autistic though and I prefer every day to be pretty much the same! Hate things being different.

I'm at work today. Feeling sad my parents are dead. My mum would have made a small fuss of me and I'd have let her, as I always did.

This morning I texted with my big daughter (33) and that's enough. My little daughter (10) saved up her pocket money and bought me a cake and bracelet. I let her and was happy and grateful but I'd have been happy with a hug or a card at most. She knows I hate a fuss. It won't be mentioned by anyone again today and that makes me happy.

I hope the rest of your day goes ok. Just do you!

I think you’re both been both reasonable and also a bit unreasonable.

Of course the way you feel is the way you feel. But you’ve complained here that your friend hasn’t bothered with you - well, she’s trying to bother with you now, isn’t she? She’s presumably already bought a gift, and you’re telling her you don’t want it, which is a bit rude even though the reason is valid.

Your friend has wildly overreacted, but you have been quite rude - as PP said it might have been better to tell a white lie and say you’re out for the day. I’m also wondering if you just said about not celebrating your birthday and stopped there, or if you bothered to add ‘but it’s lovely to hear from you, let’s catch up another day’ or similar?

You’re feeling upset, triggered and like she’s trampling a boundary, but she’s trying to be a friend in a way that is generally very normal and socially acceptable.

I’m sorry your friends haven’t been there for you. People sometimes get it wrong in these situations. Pushing them further away may not be what you want to do.

I can’t be arsed about my birthday. I don’t actively dislike it, but I don’t really care. However, if someone goes to the trouble of getting me something, and making a small fuss, I take it in good grace.

She's not your friend. Tell her to go fuck herself

Your friend has overreacted and it’s annoying that they have now made this all about them, but if you look at it purely as a friend reaching out who probably knows they have neglected you since your mum passed, I think you could have a been a little kinder or even just said thank you, I’m feeling sad today and not really up to seeing anyone maybe in a few days?
Im so sorry for your loss and that you’ve had such a rotten time.

YANBU. There's so much talk about how everyone deserves the birthday they want and as much fuss and thoughtful gifts as they want. Unless you don't want anything (not not fussed about what you get but actively want nothing and no no fuss) then suddenly you're selfish and unreasonable.

I don't buy it. I hate my birthday. I do not acknowledge it in any way or accept others doing so. I am entirely happy to celebrate others' birthdays however they wish and I don't think it's selfish to expect the same in return.

My birthday is in a few weeks i dont bother with it its just another day to me.

You’re both in the wrong.