Co parenting?

[Marvelfan300]

Advice please - for a family friend.

she recently broke up with her boyfriend this year due to cheating (with the girl he’s currently now in a relationship with.)
he took their son to the birth of this new girlfriend (not his child.) and lied about no being able to help their child’s ex with his child due to being in hospital with ‘back pain.’ But was actually at his new girlfriends child’s birth.

recently her son has been spending time Tuesday and Wednesday and every other Monday to Monday with dad in new girlfriends 1 bed. Dad still hasn’t bought him a bed he sleeps in a travel cot, the girlfriend has been sending over abuse and derogatory language to their child’s mum and now has been telling dad that their little boy CANNOT sleep eat or stay at the house as it’s ’overwhelming.’ Dad is having to drive the little boy around until mum finishes work to drop him off and mum has to send him breakfast and lunch because he’s not allowed back at the house for anything? New girlfriend has 6 month old who was on the sofa and the little boy woke up and tapped the sofa now the new girlfriend is saying the 18month old attacked the 6month old and he’s too dangerous to be in the house? Seems any attempt to not have the child?

what can she do? Is this neglect of dad’s end? Please any advice welcome so I can show her responses.

please be find she has no family down here working twice a week and trying to get more nursery days so that she doesn’t have to worry about her son being kept in a car park for 7+ hours.

I wouldn't let the child go to stay with his dad in this situation. They don't seem interested in having him and doesn't sound like a good environment to be in. Unfortunately sounds like it might mean getting more childcare but better the child is safe and happy.

Depending on how the dad is can he not look after the child at the mums house rather than driving round for hours?

Dad states he CANNOT have child at mums due to ‘damp.’ But he can take him over there for dinner on weekends with his girlfriend

She can't do anything. We had a similar situation with my aunt's husband and his new "Madame". She basically said my cousin cannot stay with them under any circumstances (he was 4). The dad did nothing. My cousin (32 now) has been saying ever since that he doesn't have a father.

I’m so sorry to hear that - did she keep her child away from the dad then? I think it’s difficult she has no family down here and now has to give up work to stay home and can’t afford it!

She didn't actively "keep him away" but there wasn't a choice. The father basically sided with his new girlfriend and my cousin was banned from the house. He didn't make any attempts to keep the relationship with the child so that was the end of it. My aunt ended up changing jobs and working from home. We also have heavily subsidised childcare (continental Europe) so it was not a problem. I can see how your friend may struggle, for sure. But what can you do... You can't force contact and it's not a good environment for the child anyway.

No 18 month old attacks anyone. They don't have the motor skills or the premeditated thoughts. I expect he lost his balance. The gf's reaction is OTT to ban him from the house.
The ex is unreasonable not to find alternative location to take his child. A cafe, a soft play, a friend or relative's house. A child needs stimulation and interaction, not to be strapped into a car seat looking at the back of someone's head!

I couldn’t agree more, and her little boy honestly is the kindest little thing he’s never shown an ounce of aggression to anyone or anything if anything he does things so delicately. It’s just not believable. The ex has recently gave up his job so he doesn’t have to pay CMS and living of new girlfriends income! So his mum had to pack him with food and drink to be driven around.

so so heartbreaking.

Do you actually think it is the new GF banning the boy or do you think the ex is lying? He lied about being in hospital with back pain, he didn't bother getting the boy a bed - did he ever intend to have the boy more or is he trying to wind up the relationship so your friend looks like the bad guy for stopping contact?

I'd imagine the PP was asking if the father can go and visit his DS's at his previous house, the one where he lived with his DS and DS's mother post break up.

There's no way as a mother I'd let my DC sit in a car in a car park for hours on end or let some other women treat my DS so cruelly.
There's also no way as the little boys Grandmother would I watch that happen....mould or no mould.

Not normally an ultimatum person but I'd give DS's father choices that would be...
He can either tell his new GF that he too is a father, which she knew about and his DS will be visiting....

DS's father can pop to your friends house for a few hours at arranged times...

Your friend looks for another job/home closer to her family and moves there giving her more of a support system and DS's father can arranged a way of seeing him there.