To think parenthood is quite lonely

[SundayMay]

Hello,
A sleep deprived Mum over here looking for reassurance that I am not the only one.

My first child is 2.5 years old and maternity leave with him was great. I done all the baby classes which made sure I had some adult chat everyday. We dont have a big support system (only my parents but they work full time) so this was important to me.

We now also have a 10 month old so understandly life is very busy. Instead of baby classes we go swimming, softplay, the park so for most of the day, I dont chat to another adult.

We were the last to have children in our friendship groups so while we are dealing with a toddler and baby, they all have teenagers.

We werent blessed with good sleepers so it's probably coming from a place of feeling knackered but did anyone else feel very lonely? I love my kids, love spending time with them and feel so lucky to be able to do it without the pressure of returning to work soon but its hard.

Social media had probably warped my view but everyone seems to have a "village" and we dont. Anyone else?

It's hard and it's lonely.

18 month old here who hasn't sussed sleep in vital. It's tough! I'm an hour n a bit away from family and in laws even though in laws are very near hand it's almost like it's me against it all. So totally understand where you're coming from! I've learnt theirs no real "village" it's about creating your own with who you can trust

Are there any playgroups in your area? Church type ones where the kids can play and you can have a cuppa and a biscuit and chat to other parents? That sounds like it would be the perfect way to entertain your little ones while you can talk to other adults and hopefully make some more friends.

I had 3 little ones, was a SAHM, had a DH who worked away a lot, and I often cried due to loneliness, but felt I should battle on as I’d made the position I was in.
As soon as my youngest was 2 I went back to work to get some adult company, and have someone say thank you to me.

You say you did baby classes, but don't you go to any toddler groups?

That's where I made friends, and I've stayed friends with many of those people over the years. We met at toddler "stay and play" type groups, but would also meet outside of that (trips out to parks/soft play/coffee together, and going to each other's houses).

Also try apps - there's meet up for adults but I'm sure there must be friendship apps for people with small children.

It is lonely.
I went to so many playgroups when the dc were young and made friends. I then made friends when they started school.
It seemed so odd to exchange numbers when you'd just met someone but it helped me to connect and we'd often just end up doing the things you're listing.
You have to put yourself out there.
My eldest is at university now and I'm still friends with the mums I met when he was a baby.

I’ve definitely failed miserably to make any more than passing acquaintances at baby and toddler groups. I don’t exactly mind because it breaks the day up and the children enjoy them which is the main thing but no lasting friendships have come from them! I think this is where NCT and the like can be helpful, it’s a bit more ‘forced.’

I also find it really hard sometimes watching other people with their 'villages'. We don't have one. My parents are in their 80s and have said they can't help us, DH's live 4 hours away and FIL is unwell with dementia. Our siblings all have grown up children (ours are 3 and 5) so are in a different life stage and not very interested.

It's hard and lonely BUT it's worth it and as the kids grow they get to be really good company... most the time!

Try and get some meals out or trips out to meet friends without your kids whilst DH watches them. And never forget you are an absolute bad ass.

My 'village' only started when my oldest started school. I got close with the mums (now some of my most reliable, closest friends) and if I need anything, they're there. Before that, I had 3 very young children practically all by myself. It was so hard. It will get better and easier I promise

Thank you everyone! I made 'Mum' friends when my eldest was a baby who I still speak to now but they didnt go on to have anymore children so are back to work. We do go to toddlers so thats a nice couple of hours chatting. Albeit sitting in the 'baby' corner 😂. I dont have anybody who had babies so close in age that I can get some reassurance from, does that makes sense? Just you ladies acknoledging it is hard has made me feel better.

My husband is encouraging of me getting some "me time" but honestly, it is sometimes more hassle than its worth. I'm my own worst enemy, I know 😂.

Maybe time to get off social media and comparing what others have and focus on the fact I have very happy kids and a great husband.

This is encouraging. Thank you 😊 x

My family was my village, my mum passed away a couple of weeks ago and I’m so lost. My sister is doing her best but I’m really feeling bereft and like I can’t cope.

I am so sorry to hear about your Mum. I cant imagine how hard that is for you x