To think I’ll never recover from this job?

[NewDaye]

I started a promotion last year into a bullying environment. I am a young manager and my (older) direct reports would shout/swear at me, had group chats bitching about me on work systems, told me on my first day that I didn’t deserve the job, they did as I’m younger than their kids and have nothing to teach them, that they want me gone. They would refuse to attend meetings with me or handover work, other staff left the team because of this.

I reported this to my manager. To compound things my manager had performance concerns about them; when I went to him for advice he made me aware of issues they had such as racist behaviour (that I went on to witness), bullying, other serious misconduct issues and made it seem like it was my job to improve it but never actually did anything to support. He was aware of all issues and advised me to tackle their behaviour such as racism in line with policy and that he fully supports me.

Over time, he came on to me and sexually harassed me. I reported this and he retaliated against me. He then blamed me for the issues within the team I managed and scapegoated me. He tried to fabricate disciplinary matters against me. It has completely undermined me, destroyed my reputation and I have been constructively managed out.

I just can’t see how I can move on from this with any employer - Aibu? I just feel like I can’t trust anyone. My company has evidence of the sexual harassment such as inappropriate photos he sent me, but completely protected him and covered it up.

So you'd have a case for constructive dismissal?

I’m considering it but my union always says they’re hard to win so the union doesn’t tend to take them on.

Also I’m so stressed with it all I don’t know if I have the energy for legal action

It will take time. It sounds bloody hard, and very unfair.

I think you don't get over it, in that you learn to be very strategic. You get very careful.who you trust with what at work ( I'm not implying that any of this is your fault, at all. However, the more senior you get, the easier this stuff is to manage ).

It sounds as if you would be far better off in a new workplace. It might take a little while, but you will get things back on track.

Thanks. It’s hard because my management closed ranks against me, made excuses for him, allowed him to retaliate etc. It’s bizarre being accused of things you haven’t done, literal lies. It’s weird because I didn’t trust anyone in this job anyway, so I didn’t share anything with them…yet I still feel like I don’t trust other employers

It's a very understandable reaction. Your trust has been broken, and it will take time to heal.

This employer sounds like the worst possible type. There are decent employers out there.

You will never fully trust an employer the same way again, but it is possible to find a place that you can trust as an employer.

Absolute trust is only for the closest of your friends and family.

@LameBorzoi thanks, at the moment I can’t even bring myself look for jobs. My confidence is in the gutter

I had a similar situation except I was sexually harassed by a female boss. Very bullying and undermining back stabbing colleagues. Two years later, in a great new job I am terrified it will happen again.

Oh OP, I really feel.for you.

When I was in my mid twenties I was badly bullied in the workplace. I remember crying every morning before work and just not wanting to go in. It was utterly horrendous.

I finally left and found myself in a lovely job with lovely managers who re-built my confidence. Though I don't think I'll ever be as confident as I was before the bullying.

I am now late 40s and this experience is something I will never forget and has always remained with me. However, I have had a very successful and happy career have never experienced bullying again.

I know it feels awful now. I remember that feeling and how utterly low I was. But it will.all get better.

Have you left now? In my opinion, leaving it all behind is the best move. Just go. Get another job - and if you need to because of references etc... just get a more junior role somewhere, anywhere! Just get out. Build your confidence back up, and then get back on the career route you want.

In the future, if things start going pair shaped leave a bit quicker....

With what you’ve put above, I would actually suggest going to the law (and I don’t say that lightly, as a former lawyer). You have been emotionally affected by your work, he has sexually harassed you and this is evidenced. Please seek a lawyer if you can.

I have suffered bullying in the workplace and you are not wrong in that it can take years to get over if you ever do. You will get to the point where you’ve adapted and manage but it stays. I am sorry.

I absolutely feel for you OP and you are absolutely NBU

I got a job in a Government department (now defunct as is names something new now but still Government) when I was a mere 20. 1985.
I well remember the bitchiness of those first weeks and so wish the 20 Me had a mouth on her like I do now at almost 60 :)
This was, to be honest, a mix of younger women my kind of age and older women . Nasty mares. Eg. "Do you drink in the Dun Cow"?? (was a pub in the Old Kent Road) and I just said No. Me NOW would have said "No, do You?"
I hope the Union helps you fight your corner because this is so wrong and so bloody mean.

The worst thing is I work in the public sector

OP I really feel for you. I have also been bullied at work. It is definitely a good idea to leave I think - it’s not just that you were bullied but the whole organisation sounds toxic. I would consider also getting signed off sick with stress during your notice period and explaining this situation to your gp.

I agree with a pp that i think you should consider consulting a lawyer in terms of action against your manager re the sexual images, and the company. Even if you decide not to pursue perhaps it will give you some confidence in how wrong this all is. You might also - subject to lawyer/union advice - want to tell the company you are considering legal action.

it sounds so so wrong. Definitely get out of there id say. A more supportive place will make a difference and you’ll recover more quickly.

Thanks everyone. I am off work already and my pay has been reduced. I can’t even think straight right now, it’s horrible

OP, take this all to a lawyer. It's not as scary as you think. It takes a lot for legal action to end up in court... what you're after is some sort of constructive dismissal legal letter drafted - they'll pay up and get you to sign an nda so you don't say anything against the company.

OP, I've worked in the public sector and I absolutely know what a shower of sh### it can be....
Can I ask, have you actually been told by a union solicitor they don't take such cases on because tbh what you've been told doesn't sound right at all. If you've only been advised by a union rep then insist on being referred to their legal firm for a full evaluation of your case. The whole point of being in a union is for them to help members through situations like this, you definitely need a legal opinion so please please don't be dissuaded by the local union rep. Government departments do not care for being taken to Employment Tribunals and it sounds like you have an extremely strong case. You deserve to feel safe at work and clearly you do not, you absolutely deserve better. How dare they impact on your wellbeing like this!! If your current union person is unhelpful then go to the next one up. You will come through this 💐

I am sorry, OP.
I don't know if anyone else has suggested this, but while you are still at this work place, please do submit a data subject access request to your data compliance lead. This would give you all company records of e-mails, teams chats texts etc that mention you. It's just more evidence should you decide to pursue a case against them and your managers shouldn't need to know.
I do hope things get better for you.

I've got out a similar situation barring the sexual stuff.
I could have claimed constructive dismissal. The solicitor I spoke to saw the evidence and said that if she was representing the other side she'd advise them not to bother fighting it because they'd lose. (things like grievance only speaking to the other side)
I didn't for a few reasons. Firstly, I think you only have a very short length of time to do it in. I didn't have the headspace while I could. Secondly I'd started a new job in something vaguely related and I was afraid that they might decide to get rid of me. Actually they're now aware of the situation because one of the involved people decided to try and buddy up to someone at the new place (having never been friendly before), which raised suspicions so they came and asked me why they were doing this. New place has believed me.

But I have PTSD. I can even go into the town where the work was without a panic attack, and seeing the name of someone associated with it gives me similar.

The new law would support your case. I am furious on your behalf 🤬
Misogynistic behaviour is unacceptable in this day and age!
Go back to your union. You have evidence and this needs dealing with.
Good luck.

How are you getting on now op? Did you ever get a new job? Sorry for the random message , this thread popped up as I had posed a similar one of my own. Hope you’re happier and working somewhere much better.