to not want to visit my aunt who won't even recognize me?

[KITTENSOCKS]

She has advanced dementia and lives in a nursing home 280 miles away. Although I love her dearly, I cannot face seeing her in that state. Her son and two daughters do not keep in touch with me other than Christmas cards. One of the daughters only lives 18 miles away from me and she doesn't keep in touch as she once used to, although interestingly it seemed I was always the one to phone her. She didn't even tell me when her first grandchild was born I found that out from a friend of their family. No-one has actually said "we are disappointed that you haven't been to visit mum", so I presume they see no reason to stay in touch for the sake of our parents, who are now dead, apart from my aunt.

I would visit once and then make your mind up

i worked with people with dementia and alzheimers and they do recognise you and it does make them happy to see you

they may not appear to recognise you from the outside but inside when they have a moment they tell me how happy they were so and so came then gone but was refreshing to know that somewhere they can acknowledge but not express

im personally would want family to bother if it was my mum and maybe this is how they feel

if you were close you could go take some flowers family pictures and just have a chat

normally you can talk about there child hood and they can remember it well

maybe take the opportunity to say i love you and bye as you amy never get the opportunity again

and in all fairness no real reasons for not going

working ion a home myself it is so sad when family doesnt bother going as they wont be remembered alot of lonely people sitting there makes me feel sad

im so close to these people and feel that i would want someone to bother with me even if my mind wasnt what it once was,

i can also undersatnd how upsetting it is for family but as i build a strong relationship[ with them i will see it differently from there view also

yes it is upsetting for family but also upsetting to know there sitting there alone every day and i dont feel our own sadness should justify these people who have lived such a great life family orientated should just spend rest of days alone

I flew to Edinburgh to see my aunt when she was very ill in hospital, far too ill to recognise me. Cost over £400!! I suppose it was a bit different as I knew she was about to die and it was my last chance to see her. I'm glad I went. She was barely concious but she knew that people were there holding her hand even if she didn't know who "they" were.

Kittensocks, whatever you decide its between you and auntie. In your position I would not discuss it with the cousins at all. If you visit and they find out subsequently so be it, but visiting/not visiting is a matter for the two of you only.