To feel this way about society perceptions?

[Autumnal589]

That a woman, especially an older one of say 40 is still judged by whether she has a man or kids ? I remember when my aunt turned 40 many years back now and my brother commented with 'She hasn't had kids or married so I get why she's down about being 40.' Also on MN, I have been told "You don't have kids or a man so you just have to be really good at your job to be worthy.'

I never suffered from this and had some great older (than me) single women role models so I didn't feel I was less.

DH and I were both in our mid 30s when we met.

He on the other hand said some people thought he was gay because he hadn't had a girlfriend for years 🙄

I don’t think it does make you wildly unusual. Two of my close friends (we’re all early to mid-50s) have never been bothered about relationships, and are contentedly child-free. They’re two of the most interesting, fulfilled, vividly-living and generally admirable people I know. I stayed with one of them at her new house for a weekend recently when we went to an event, and I thought ‘Here is someone who has listened to herself and is living a rich and interesting life arranged around the things that are most important to her.’

And my DH’s best friend (who died far too young) was another — beautiful, clever, single as long as he knew her, though with lots of male friends and a couple of regular lovers.

There is still too much of that perception, for sure.

I'm a married mum in my late 40s, but I have to say I never assume my peers are married or have kids because a know plenty of women my age who don't; it's not uncommon at all these days and people shouldn't assume anything.

As a woman you get judged for absolutely everything basically. If you have kids/ if you don’t have kids/ have too many/ sahm/ work/ too fat/ too thin/ too rich/ too poor….. and on and on.
Those who mind don’t matter, those who matter don’t mind.

I guess that is the case. Even if I did have a man I would be judged for not having kids etc. I have found the judgement is worse the older I get.
I am glad that people here are not dismissing my feelings and saying that I I imagining it also.

I think mostly what helps with rude comments about relationship status or not being a parent is self-approval. DH was 40 and single sans kids when I met him, and he didn’t give too much of a darn what people thought about that. He liked himself the way he was, and when I came along, he said it was a very pleasant and life enhancing surprise.

OP, don’t pay attention to jerks. You are fine the way you are and you definitely have value!