Am I being unreasonable by refusing to take baby into house where there's smoking indoors and drug use

[1988E]

Me and partner don't live together, long standing issues with partners adult son smoking in their home and drug use. I've requested it be addressed as we've a new baby however it's still going on so me and baby don't visit he's home, however now they're due to have a house renovations that will be intrusive and take more than a few days. Am I being unreasonable to refuse to take baby in there so someone is present for the work to be done. Me and baby dont visit the address due to smoking indoors and drug use, I feel it's selfish of partner to put me and baby in this position.

Come on OP, you KNOW YANBU!

I would say the same as you OP.

Why is this even a question?!

No one is going say its FINE to take a baby into that environment, let alone taking a baby into a building/renovation site for periods of time.

You need to ask?????

Set the firm boundary. Baby will not go in any indoor environment where there is smoking or any kind of drug use. No further explanation needed. That's the boundary.

You are being unreasonable for even asking this!

Thank you, firm boundaries have been set which haven't changed ongoing issues. Just needed to see I'm not being unreasonable before the argument arises because I'm putting my foot down

Yeah I wouldn't be taking my baby anywhere near that house, and in all honesty if this person can't put his drugs away for even a few days while you stay I wouldn't give them the time of day
I have the same issue with my brother and smoking weed, if I'm visiting he won't take any for a good few days and scrubs his house before I go round even if it's just for half hour or so

The bigger question is why didn't you address this problem before you decided to have a baby? Keep firm but I would be very concerned about him sticking to this

Of course you're not.

Can I ask why you've chosen to have a baby with someone you can't live with? It's going to be an odd set up for your child isn't it?

Does your partner smoke and take drugs?

No, of course you're not being unreasonable.
It's called being a responsible parent.

This. Of course you’re not unreasonable and I know life is complicated but you seem to have set yourself up for a difficult journey with this.

I have no problem with people living separately but with a new baby you need all the help you can get: did you speak to your partner about this before you got pregnant?

Surely at some point he needs to decide why this weed smoking son (who presumably can take care of himself) should take priority over his partner and vulnerable baby. I understand it’s his son but why hasn’t your DP read him the riot act about smoking in the house? Why would he tolerate that?

How can you be a parent and even have to ask this? Very concerning.

This is a simple No And it’s not a boundary I would flex on

I think I'd be setting some boundaries.

if he's not living with you - fair enough there may be a reason, but, and more importantly if he's not willing to create an environment safe for HIS baby? for any baby really, but his own child? I mean, creating a safe environment for an infant is a basic requirement of being a parent?

If he can't achieve that? Where is he excelling?

And another thing, why do you have to go visit him? Why do you, with a child, have to go visit him? He should be making the effort to see you and his child surely? He's one man, you have to transport a baby and all the baby things??

Seems like his priorities are all out of whack and you're not up there on the list of VIPs

There must be a good reason he can't stay at yours to help with his own child.

I don't understand why him having house renovations means you would need to go there

He’s obviously a brilliant dad, I can see why you’d want your child to have him as a father 🤦‍♀️

What are you going to do when the baby is old enough to be left with its father?

So he’s getting the best of both worlds here. A partner, a baby and all that brings without any of the hard work like getting up in the night, keeping the house clean or acting like an adult.

This issue was addressed before baby arrived, however as I live in my own home with my other children and working full time I wasn't at hes to realise 'things hadn't been addressed' it had been swept under the carpet a lied about until it had came alight hence me and baby do not visit the address. Dad comes and visits daily, and is involved. the provision of parenting isn't the issue here. Dad does not smoke or take drugs, just unfortunately enables this. Adult son is apparently looking for a place of he's own.