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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Paying kids for chores

26 replies

Popihj · 27/11/2024 11:41

What's you take on this and what is your logic around it? Currently we give our primary aged DCs pocket money weekly but their friends get paid to do chores - ending up with more money on a weekly basis. Kids are still KS1 so most of the tasks are around self care, homework and getting ready. I've always felt that kids should just do those things as a matter of course but on the other hand, I guess at work we mostly do things because of the wages. Which system do you have and why?

OP posts:
Catza · 27/11/2024 11:45

Kids are not at work. They are participating in normal household activities which is a responsibility of everyone living in the house. Paying for chores is reinforcing the idea that one should only do them if there is a personal benefit of doing so and that chores are "mum's work".
Paying for getting dressed and brushing teeth? For flushing the loo? Where does it end?

SereneCapybara · 27/11/2024 11:46

I used to explain to DC that no one gets paid for keeping their own home and self in good order. So, no payment for tidying room, small bits of help with housework, doing homework etc. But I would pay them to teach me tech stuff I needed to know, because that was a sellable skill. And they did get paid to look after neighbours' pets.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 27/11/2024 11:48

In my view there's a clear distinction between normal self care, and extra tasks that would earn pocket money.

So you have to tidy your room/lay the table/brush your teeth etc.

But weeding, cleaning the car, painting the house etc - those earn extra pocket money.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 27/11/2024 11:50

For what it's worth, I'll add that it's knowing how to do the tasks and doing them in a routine way that makes a difference though - however that's achieved.

Lifeglowup · 27/11/2024 11:50

I expect everyone to pull their weight and be a team at home. They’re not on a zero hours contract and get to opt out because they have some birthday money.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 27/11/2024 11:51

As with the posters above, chores are part of being a member of a household and our DC certainly weren't paid for doing homework in primary school.

DH did give them money for getting good grades in high school. They were graded on coursework and exams so it was more about rewarding continuous effort.

The only time we did pay DD for 'chores' was when she went above and beyond with DIY, such as patching and painting a couple of holes in a wall after a plumbing job. Also when she packed our entire house up ready to move internationally - saving us hundreds of dollars.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/11/2024 11:51

No one pays me for doing laundry or cooking or weeding the garden so the kids don’t get paid for making their beds, clearing the table or helping with anything else that needs doing to keep the household ticking over.

I’ve got them involved in everyday chores since they could stand and fold clean pants and I’m not going to start paying them for any of it.

LittleRedRidingHoody · 27/11/2024 11:57

DS does everyday chores and tidies up after himself as routine, no 'rewards'.

He also gets regular pocket money which isn't 'attached' to anything into his GoHenry (he occasionally wants to buy a toy with this, but mostly it just accumulates).

I'll give him cash for ad hoc bits around the house that wouldn't usually fall to him normally stuff like 50p for fetching something I can't be asked to go get myself - he spends this on sweets 😂 He'll ask if he can earn money if he wants something, rather than just expect I'll buy it, which I think is useful for him to learn.

Popihj · 27/11/2024 12:16

Interesting to hear other people's views on this. We don't pay our kids for chores either but am rethinking it. What sort of extra chores would you pay for a seven year old?

OP posts:
SofandaCox · 27/11/2024 12:27

My 10 year old has to do chores as standard, but I do pay her for extras on top and she gets a choice. She wants to save up atm to buy a manga series so she’s doing extra chores on top to earn some cash.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 27/11/2024 12:36

I pay may kids for chores, there’s a price list on the fridge. Unloading the dishwasher is worth £1, as is vacuuming the stairs. There’s lots of options for ways to earn money. If they really decided to work at it they’d be pretty well off for their ages. Between a combination of demanding jobs and medical issues DH and I really struggle to keep ok top of the housework. We’d love to have a cleaner but can’t afford it. There’s been times I’ve been basically unable to get off the sofa so the kids have ended up having to properly clear up after dinner, it’s a lot of work and they’re well paid for it. And thankfully it doesn’t happen very often. They are young teens though, they weren’t doing anything at 7!

redskydarknight · 27/11/2024 12:40

Doing chores is part of being in this household. Paying for them suggests that they can be optional if the person doesn't want the money, which is not the impression I want to convey.

That said, I would pay my DC to do jobs that went over and above the everyday things that were routinely expected. I think I'd struggle to think of anything that would fit this category for a 7 year old though - you would end up at least supervising, and the point of paying for the job would be so you didn't have to do this. The payment thing works better with teens. For example, we used to pay DS for decorating.

Thursa · 27/11/2024 12:44

We didn’t pay for chores. Everyone lived in the house, everyone messed the house, everyone cleans the house.

cheddercherry · 27/11/2024 12:52

I don’t pay for chores because we’re a household and it’s about mutual respect, we do the lions share obviously but I expect my son to look after his belongings and keep his room reasonable etc, put his plates in the sink etc. He’s year 1 btw. I do reward when he does well with extra curricular activities or he’s trying really hard with something, or in school, or as a poster above said we reward if he can teach us something or do a job that gives value or solves a problem.

JustMarriedBecca · 27/11/2024 12:56

Pocket money here is based on being a functioning and contributing member of the household
If they speak badly, don't help out when asked etc. then they don't get pocket money.
Extra jobs that we would pay someone to do, beyond standard input, would earn extra cash.

shellyleppard · 27/11/2024 12:56

I used to pay mine in playstation time....as previous posters have said no one should get paid for keeping their home clean and tidy..... it's just an everyday thing.

FlamingoYellow · 27/11/2024 13:00

I wouldn't bother paying for a 7 year old to do chores because, as a previous poster said, you will end up having to supervise them anyway.

I do pay my preteens (10 year olds) to do chores but the rule is that they have basic stuff they have to do (keep their rooms tidy, including hoovering and dusting; emptying their lunchboxes after school; putting their plates and cups in the dishwasher after meals; etc. Extra jobs that they get money for are things that I can't be bothered/don't have time to do - cleaning the car, weeding, tidying the garage, tidying and cleaning my bedroom, etc.

For my 8 year old, if there is a particular toy he wants I will set him some 'schoolwork' type stuff he needs more input with in order to earn it. This would usually be a game I make up for him to play with me and he is allowed to stop any time he likes if it gets too much. However, he has SEN and is 2 years behind his peers so that's more about helping him to catch up a bit.

HolyMilkBoobiesBatman · 27/11/2024 13:04

Nope, we don’t pay for chores either. We are all a family, we are all responsible for helping take care of the house and each other and by doing our bit we are showing each other that we respect one another, not doing it for financial gain.

We share the load, eg if I’ve got a hectic week and not the headspace to do the laundry (for example) DH will do the laundry, he’s not ‘doing me a favour’ he’s just doing what needs to be done to keep the household running.
Some weeks he might do the lions share of the housework, other weeks I might but no one is keeping track or being rewarded & I want my children to learn this too as chores are just a basic part of life.

K0OLA1D · 27/11/2024 13:06

Nope. Never done it unless it's a shitty job like poo picking in the garden or a little tray. Might offer them a fiver for that but they normally pass on it.

Everything else? No. They use dishes, wear their clothes etc so they help tidy up. Always have. They're almost 11 and 13 now and they do hoovering, their rooms, dishes, sweeping, bedding, putting their clothes away.

ButtercupLane · 27/11/2024 13:06

My dad used to pay me to iron his work shirts - he ironed the rest of his stuff but hated ironing shirts and I was happy to get the 50p a shirt (it was the 80s!).
Mum used to pay us for fruit picking when the raspberries and red and black currants were in season.
I dont recall being paid for much else, certainly not my own stuff like room tidying or homework! But also not dishwashing or setting table etc.

CarrotPencil · 27/11/2024 13:11

Catza · 27/11/2024 11:45

Kids are not at work. They are participating in normal household activities which is a responsibility of everyone living in the house. Paying for chores is reinforcing the idea that one should only do them if there is a personal benefit of doing so and that chores are "mum's work".
Paying for getting dressed and brushing teeth? For flushing the loo? Where does it end?

I agree with this! No one pays me and DH for doing chores, no one is gonna pay the kids when they’re in a house share etc.

DH implemented a system where the kids get money for reading. So like 300 page book gets you however many pounds. I don’t really agree as again, you should just read for fun.

I would prefer just to give money weekly no matter what. DS is year 5 and some of the girls get £5 a week and spend it all the shop on day 1. DS doesn’t really get anything weekly as we’re slack on this reading arrangement anyway (he reads but we don’t pay 😅) Same arrangement for DS1 who is in year 2 but again doesn’t happen much!

BeensOnToost · 27/11/2024 13:12

Neither at the moment. I'm not giving her cash to spaff on tacky plastic shite, nor do I expect her to do much around the house at her age.

As she goes to secondary school I'll want her to start cooking with us at the weekends so she develops a life skill and to put her stuff in the laundry basket and dishwasher. She will probably get £20-£50 to go into town at weekends depending on what she wants and how often (£20 for bus fare and lunch with some leftover for a small purchase, £50 if its infrequent and she has something specific in mind, like gymwear or a school bag). Dependant on her being good and working hard at school.

For context, I was a latchkey kid so I want her to have an easier life, recognising that the more she gives the more she gets. If she works hard at school and does tiring extracurriculars, behaves well and is nice to be around, I'm happy to make her life easier with money, trust and curfews.

She will pay rent when she has a job though 😆

hookiewookie29 · 27/11/2024 13:17

Never paid my kids to do chores! Why would I give them money to tidy up a mess that they had made in the first place?!

Penguinfeet24 · 27/11/2024 13:21

Not in this house, you don't get paid for picking up after yourself and doing things that we all have to do as part of a family unit to make everything work. They get pocket money if they've done their best over the week to do good at school or they do something well at home off their own back but I refuse to pay for chores.

Flumoxed · 27/11/2024 13:25

My kids are 4 and 7. I expect them to make their beds each morning, fill their water bottles and make sure their reading/library books are in their bags on the right days. They take turns to set the table for dinner. I remind them, but don't pay them for any of that.

If they want to earn money then I pay between 5p and 20p per job, depending on what needs to be done and how much effort is required:

Dusting things (tv, bookcase, cabinets)
Wiping the table after dinner
Washing the breakfast plates
Vacuuming the living room
Cleaning the windows/windowsills
Pairing socks
Sorting the laundry into piles and putting it on the bed of whoever it belongs to.

These are easy things that children can do and if they want to earn more I give them a choice of other things that I know they can manage without supervision (cleaning the skirting boards/doors/door handles/light switches etc). It's not that I am particularly fussy about my light switches, it is more the fact that a) while they are doing that they aren't making a mess elsewhere and b) they learn that if they want more money they need to put in more effort. If they don't want to do anything they don't have to and there is no pressure to do any chores and some weeks they have many days without any money, but if they want money there are plenty of ways for them to earn it.

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