Apologies if this becomes a long post but I don't want to drip feed, also this has me so frustrated and I need to get it off my chest.
My ds is 4 years old and has a good bed time routine with me (dad and I separated) I begin his routine around 6pm, with a bath after supper, warm milk, into bed with a story then lights out, a kiss goodnight and ten minutes later he's sleeping happily.
I go to a club activity two evenings a week from 7pm to 8pm. I always did this when ex was living at home, when we separated I thought I'd have to give up the activity due to being a single parent but my dear parents, who live just around the corner from me and are active, hands on grandparents, both in their 50s, kindly offered to sit in my house while my ds was in bed so I could continue this activity. We have been doing this for a couple of months now, with little to no issues as I would put ds to bed before they arrived and he'd be asleep already for them.
Lately though he has been taking a little longer to fall asleep in bed which is fine, he is happy and says goodnight to me but just takes a little longer. So when my parents have arrived ds is still awake and can hear them arrive, then gets excited and works himself up which I know is normal for grand kids and grand parents. I went to my activity, leaving them with some boundaries and instructions such as encouraging them to not give in to ds as he is known for being crafty and trying different things on with different family members especially when I'm not there. I also asked them to make sure he was not allowed back downstairs as this would only wind him up.
Lo and behold I get home just after 8pm and ds is still awake with my mother chatting away to him in his bedroom. I was told he wouldn't settle and he had in fact been allowed downstairs and played with his toys, which then explained why he was so hyper when I got home. I expressed my dismay at this and was accused instantly of having an attitude and there was an indication that I should just be grateful, which I am, deeply, but this is defeating the object. Ds was extremely cranky the next day but all was forgotten then.
Tonight I've been to the activity again and my mother and I decided that DS would stay up whilst they arrived at my house, so around 6.30-7pm, i would leave thus allowing my son to have some nice time with his grandparents, and then about twenty minutes or so before I would get home my mother would go through his routine with him and put him to bed, which I thought would solve the issue.
I arrived home tonight, the living room TV was turned up so loud I could hear it outside my front door, all the lights were on, toys were out and ds was sat with my parents on the sofa. I was told that he would not settle, they had completed his routine and taken him to bed and just because ds said 'he didn't want to go to bed' he was allowed back downstairs to try and wear him out. It had the opposite effect and he was like a bottle of pop when I came in.
I said then in frustration that if he does this, they have to be firm with him and take him back to his bedroom. My dad then said, a little annoyed, "well aside from kicking and screaming there's not much else we can do".
Ds doesn't kick and scream when going to bed. He does do this when he is told no at times, especially by my parents, as he so used to them always saying yes which I have spoken to them about before.
My parents left, I took ds to bed who ran upstairs without a peep as he knew what he had done, got into bed, said goodnight and was asleep within minutes.
Again sorry for the long post but I just don't know how to articulate this to my parents without starting an argument. They tend to get very defensive when being called out on something and valid points go in one ear and out the other.
AIBU?
Yes - you should just be grateful your parents babysit so you can go do an activity,
No - your parents need to respect the boundaries and routine and learn to be firmer with DS.
Thank you.