To grieve the death of an online friend?

[ellie09]

I have a friend of 18 years who I only knew online.

We had sporadic contact over those years and it was maybe every few months or so. Always memes, casual chat, catching up etc. We followed each others lives from 13 years old.

I found out today that he died, a couple of months back. Because we only had contact every so often, I hadn't noticed until now until I thought "oh, I haven't heard from him in a while!"

He died in his van, travelling to a new job. He pulled over and had a natural cause death after feeling unwell.

AIBU for feeling so god damn sad?! I dont know of I am overreacting or not.

This wasnt even remotely a close friend that I meet every week etc. He was someone I knew though consistently throughout 18 years, and we have seen each others life events. We never got a chance to meet as he lived in the US but in the past he wanted us to meet.

I feel so sad, and guilty.. I forgot to reply to his last message he sent me.

Not unreasonable at all. Losing someone who has been a constant in your life is hard. I'm sorry for your loss.

My online friend died a month after my baby was born in 2021. We'd known each other for 20 years but never met. We had chatted on the phone a few times though, especially when a mutual friend was gravely ill.
I greive her every day, I'm so angry that I have lost my friend. I miss her so, so much.
In total in the last ten years I've lost 5 online friends from a big group that knew each other. They were my neighbours and friends that I saw every day, even if we didnt chat, I knew them better than I know some of my family.
You are not wrong to grieve your friend, and big big hugs because it sucks

Oh OP I’m sorry for your loss. YANBU, the grief is very real.

YANBU.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I had a dear, dear friend I " met" on MN. We talked several times a week- life, fun, laughter and cancer. She died much, much too early and I miss her. She was real as was our friendship. Of course you are not wrong to mourn.

I'm very sorry.

I had an online friend for 10 years who became an in person friend. Now we live in different countries we're back to online. 23 years in total

I'd be devastated if he died. Some people may not see it as a real friendship but of course it is. Thinking of you.

YANBU at all. I knew a lovely chap through gaming and still remember how awful it was when his sister logged on to let us know he had unexpectedly passed away in an automobile accident. You go ahead and grieve your friend in any way you want, it's not an overreaction at all. I'm sorry for your loss.

The last thing he messaged was "love ya loads!" Which I must have missed - and subsequently forgotten to reply to, feeling so much guilt now as well.

I think the pain is worse being far away, cant visit grave etc. No pictures together. Its a different kind of sadness (as Ive had a lot of real life loss, sadly lots of friends have passed IRL far too early)

I also had a really good friend that I met on here. We supported each other through a traumatic point in both our lives and became really close. We did meet up a few times despite living hundreds of miles apart but the friendship was mostly through messaging each other almost every day- sometimes multiple times. She just really got me.
It's been several years since she died and I still feel her loss keenly despite having plenty of friends and a full and happy life.
I'm sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. Online friends can be just as meaningful and special as friends you know in 'real life.' I recently watched this: an entire online community grieved when this lad died, and they even hosted an online virtual memorial.
https://www.netflix.com/gb/title/81759420?s=a&trkid=13747225&trg=cp&vlang=en&clip=81947785

Please don't feel guilty, he would have known you loved him too.

I’m so sorry, that’s very sad. And quite shocking circumstances too.

Several of my online friends have died over the years. The most recent one had me bawling my eyes out.

I’ve known my oldest online friend for 23 years. We spoke to each other every day as teenagers, I felt like I grew up with her. I mean, I did. I spoke to her more than anyone. She now has a terminal illness. I was devastated when I found out.

It’s completely understandable you feel the way you do. I think an extra difficulty is that the person simply disappears. You’re not involved in their lives the same way as you might be with an ‘in person’ friend, so you’re likely to find out some time after the fact or maybe not even find out for sure at all.

There are people who set up vigils for Liam Payne and sat outside them for days even though they'd never met him and weren't friends with him. You can grieve however you need.

I had a friend who was discharged from hospital after treatment. She messaged me to let me know. I was tired and thought I would reply the next day. She died the following morning before I did so. The guilt was awful but someone wise said to me that when someone dies you always have a “if only”. Sorry for your loss.