To want to leave my job because of how my boss has treated my miscarriage?

[Feliciacat]

I had a miscarriage last Wednesday and have been off work since. I tried to return to work today but saw that rather than my absence being stored separately as ‘pregnancy related sickness’, it’s been stored as normal sickness under menstrual disorders’. This means it will be on future references so will disadvantage me. I asked her about it and she said that she doesn’t think employers ask about sickness for references so it doesn’t matter. She then told me she was too busy to talk to me.

This follows her not being in contact with me while I’ve been off so not giving me any reassurance about returning to work and how things will be. When I felt unwell from ivf and requested to wfh, she said I couldn’t wfh just because I felt a bit ill (it wasn’t a bit ill, I felt really dizzy but could work if I didn’t have a commute).

Also, in my mid year review, she (having never discussed it with me) told me off because me and some coworkers were late for a train for a work trip and I ran on ahead and got on before them. She said that was sneaky of me but I thought we were all adults and responsible for ourselves? We all got on the train fine. In any case, you don’t bring up new information in mid year reviews.

She also puts me down when we’re alone and tells me my work isn’t good enough but will say my work is fine in front of other people. I think she gets off on saying what she likes when we’re alone.

I feel deeply unsupported and dismissed over my miscarriage. I can’t complain to HR because she is a senior HR worker and her best friend is head of HR. Another woman made a complaint about my boss being racist to her and she got her fired. I know it’s bad to quit but I can’t deal with her and nothing will change.

That’s really sad. She may well be treating you the way she was treated. Some people like to pass on the pain!

I would push for the time off to be coded correctly as a PP suggested. But otherwise try not to let this make a difficult time more difficult. In the grand scheme of what you’ve been through, this is tiny 💕

She says that there is no option on the system to code it as pregnancy related sickness (probably because pregnancy related sickness shouldn’t be stored there). So she says she can’t change it. I told her I felt invalidated by it being described as menstrual disorders and she told me to use the employee assistance programme.

I haven’t said anything unprofessional; just stated my argument. So at least I stood up for myself. I told her I was going to look for other jobs but I had already told her this as my contract is until March. I have an interview on Monday so we’ll see how that goes.

She sounds very unprofessional.

I don't see how she could "not let you" take sick leave though? Surely you just tell your boss that you're too sick to work? They can't force you in. And if your absence is pregnancy-related, they can't even discipline you for it.

Flag it as a breach of GDPR - your organisation is storing special category data about you that isn't correct.

If the system doesn't allow for pregnancy related sickness to be recorded, then this is a weakness in the system that needs to be addressed.

And if it is their policy not to record pregancy-related absences at all, then tell her that you'd like the incorrect record to be deleted.

It probably won't make much difference in practice if re absence is incorrectly recorded, but that isn't really the point. It's your information, it isn't correct and you're not happy about it. There is a legal duty on the employer to address this.

I’m sorry for what you’ve been through, OP.

I can’t complain to HR because she is a senior HR worker and her best friend is head of HR.

Given that this is a fixed-term role, I would consider doing this anyway and logging a copy with senior management. If you don’t complain and she finds some way of forcing you out of the contract early, it will be too late to say anything.

In terms of the number of sick days on your record, I honestly wouldn’t worry. A reference won’t include details of why you have off sick - and to be honest, most references aren’t worth the paper they’re printed on anyway.

Good luck 🙂

It sounds like you’re on your way out anyway (fingers crossed for this interview on Monday). I honestly wouldn’t worry about your sickness records, as I can’t imagine they will be shared with future employers. Just say your current employer don’t know you’re looking for work and don’t give them as your reference.

I think you should write to HR with your complaints and outline what she said to you. That way it’s on record. Once you have a new job, hand your notice in and get your doctor to write you off sick for stress caused by this evil woman!

Bless you, OP. Bad enough going through all that without this pointlessly shitty woman making it worse. Good luck with your interview!