Normal to feel this isolated?

[Spidersy]

Apart from my very young kids (3.5 and 1.5) I feel very alone. It’s past loneliness now. I just don’t have any sort of adult I could be close to.

my DH is a narcissist. Married him mainly so when I hopefully get the courage to leave one day I’m secure with some assets (we met when I was young so I came into the relationship with nothing like that) and my kids will be covered

He has the nerve to mention sex too and I actually had the balls to say to him the other day if you were nice to me I may want to have sex with you. He didn’t speak to me for a little bit because I was ‘mean’. Lol

i have a very small family and I’m different from them. They’re into designer labels etc so when I don’t dress my kids this way. I get judged. They’re gossipy and it’s just a bit draining. Insert their opinions which are always right in their eyes. My mum stunted me having autonomy which I never want to do with my kids. She’s always treated me as I need to ask her to do things even as an adult and I need to tell her everything but I’m an adult and again should have autonomy.

I just feel so alone and isolated. I wish I had a loving partner. I wish I had family / friends I could socialise with. I love spending time with my kids and I adore them but I don’t want to be the mum who makes them feel guilty for flying the nest when they’re older as mum has made it very apparent she’s lonely

(I mention my kids I have them but I won’t ever project my feelings onto them or prohibit them growing up and being independent because of how I feel)

You married a man you do not love and had children with the sole purpose of securing assets?

I loved him at one point. The love starting wearing off and I thought it’ll come back but in reality yep it was to secure stuff so that if I walk my kids are secure

Can you try and make some friends? Go to toddler groups and classes. It won’t happen quickly, but it will happen. Same with when they start school. Talk to people in the playground. Go out on nights out.

Have you got any older friends you can rekindle, from old workplaces or school?

Backstory was that I did love him but over time he’s shown true colours and it’s been sad but it was after having kids

They’re my priority and I only ever want them to be happy safe and secure. And to be secure they’d need a house with me. Pre marriage my name wasn’t on things as again he did everything when we met (he’s older) and I was still 19 with a part time job in education. I had no right to anything.

Yeah I’m starting to wonder if I don’t seem approachable or nice

i try to chat at nursery pick up/drop off. It’s small talk and also with nursery it’s not the exact same drop off/pick up like school so it’s different people each time and not every day like school.

We go to play centres and some toddler groups but again I just feel like I don’t fully converse? It’s small talk and niceties but it doesn’t go further and is that me? Am I awkward etc

Don’t have anyones details from old work and currently my role is remote were spread across the country my team.

From school maybe? I don’t know how I’d strike up the convo etc :(

I hope your husband has secured his pre marriage assets

Well, it’s important for you to model healthy friendships and relationships to your children, so yes, you should aim to work on this, as you extricate yourself from your marriage. Why do you think you’re so lonely? If you have no friends at all, it clearly predates your marriage.

You should leave your husband now. Make a life for yourself.

you sound quite aggrieved, like people owe you things.

You’re not coming across really well. I may be blunt but you call him a narcissist but you’re just in the marriage for the money and assets so you’re not a good person either. Maybe people can see this as well.

Yes I’m not perfect I’ve gotten. A bit miserable over the years I mean I’m happy with my kids it’s just so weird when I’m not with them I feel so different

Im quiet and not as happy. I don’t feel like people owe me things btw apologies if it comes across that way I just feel. A bit alone and wish I had even family I could relate to?

I met DH at 18 nearly 19, stopped going out with friends as I thought going to clubs etc was wrong to be around other men and that was the circle I was in. They’d go clubbing, we’d study or do our part time work. So I did isolate myself from that I’ll admit.

Staying so that if I leave I can secure stuff for my kids seems bad I get it. I just had a little thought to myself about it and if I had left just before marrying I would’ve technically been homeless and had nothing for them. He had everything in his name

But I will just say yes I’m not the most amazing person any tips for me I’d willingly accept. What do you look for in a friend etc?

I changed myself completely and made my husband (then boyfriend) everything and it’s kind of crashing down on me now things are just not amazing with him.

We had the same thoughts reading the opening post. It can’t be a great situation for those kids.

Seems to be she has no friends, her husband is awful, her family are awful….and the one common thing is the OP.

Situation with your mum sounds a bit tricky...but what about the rest of them? You say they're gossipy and into designer labels...these are hardly the worst things ever. We don't always have totally perfect families but these aspects of a person's personality wouldn't be a deal breaker for me.

I appreciate you saying your husband is a narcissist but I think you have to take responsibility as well for your situation. You said yourself you deliberately isolated yourself from your friends and changed yourself for your husband and made him your everything. That was never going to end well and it's not an ideal behaviour to model for your children.

Relationships of all time take time and effort and if you were of the mindset of not placing importantance on friendship and isolating yourself, it can be hard to build the skills necessary to develop these relationships. There's plenty opportunities out there to meet people whether it be through groups, hobbies or work. It's just about putting the effort and time in to build on these relationships.