To hate carrying my toddler?

[Icantcarryher]

Toddler is 16 months and she is absolutely obsessed with me which is sweet in a way but it’s actually unbearable. She follows me around crying and whingeing to be picked up but she isn’t even content to sit on my lap, she wants me to walk around carrying her and she’s heavy and also it’s impractical - I have to get stuff done. This morning I couldn’t even make my eldest packed lunch for school because she was up in my face constantly.

I am really becoming resentful and I ended up just losing it and screaming. I can’t do anything and I don’t mean housework but I mean ensure we eat, have clean clothes, I can’t even go to the toilet. I know newborns do this but surely she should be growing out of being held by now? I absolutely hate my life, I’ve no one to help and I am suffocated.

Get a Tula carrier and put her on your back

I can’t carry her round the house like that. She’s be bashing her head. And besides she wants me to carry her, to be held in my arms.

Toddlers are infuriating… cute but infuriating… Can you get a timer and say mummy has to make lunch when the timer goes off we can cuddle on the sofa … start small at 30 seconds and build up but ensure you meet your end of the bargain as soon as the timer goes off you get her

And on the sofa not carrying your poor back

You sound overwhelmed, exhausted, and maybe isolated? What else is going on for you at the moment? In terms of baby’s father, family, friends, work, money?

I really doubt your DC is the problem here if I’m honest. At 16 months, she’s not really capable of being badly behaved as such, she’s just learning about the world around her.

Won't solve all your problems, but just thinking of the kitchen specifically because you mention making packed lunches - have you got a toddler tower? Mine used to want to be held all the time in the kitchen or wind herself around my legs but she loves being up in the tower able to see what's going on. When she was younger I gave her dry pasta and pots to play with, now at two and half she helps me prepare the food (read eats it and makes a mess!)

Oof OP, I would've struggled with that too. No advice but lots of sympathy.

Sometimes she will sit at the kitchen table for a short while but it’s short lived! It usually allows me to chop vegetables or similar.

She is clingy but this past fortnight it seems to have ramped up, I think it might be teeth. I hate getting annoyed but I’m just so overwhelmed and I’m surrounded by chaos and can’t even make the most basic start.

I’m glad it’s not just me to be honest. It does really help when others have been there too logically it won’t last forever but I’m just feeling like I’m drowning and managing to surface enough to get a few bits of air to keep me alive but the effort involved in it is slowly exhausting me and meaning I’m running on pure adrenaline.

Ugh my daughter is similar. She is 2.5 and stands on my foot just to touch me sometimes 🙃🙃 so enraging. She just LOVES me. Which is nice. But so so draining. What’s your situation, do you have a partner/grandparent/nursery? I know it’s a short term solution as the minute she’s back with you she’ll limpet again but can you arrange to get away from her for a bit so you can be alone and do whatever. I’m always dumping DD with DH and shutting the door behind me (we have high handles she can’t reach thankfully!).

Yes, if I kneel down to help my other child she literally tries to barge him out of the way and climb up me! It wouldn’t be as bad if I didn’t have him; I worry he’s borderline neglected because she can be so demanding.

She goes to nursery three days a week while I work and she’s fine there although it did take a few weeks to settle.

Could you take a day's annual leave while she's in nursery to recharge a bit? Doesn't solve the problem I know but a day of Netflix with no one pawing at you might help a little.

I actually have one on Friday @BarbaraHoward - it’s a goodwill day off which I’m sure is to stop us all resigning en masse! But I cannot wait. Last time this happened I spent literally all day cleaning though

I know she wants to be held by you but a sling (front or side carry, back if you can gradually persuade this) does help a bit. Or one of those hip carriers you strap on also make it a bit more bearable.

Still got this a lot at two but gradually getting better!

Can you stick the telly on for half an hour? when I need to do something uninterrupted and my toddler isn't having it, I let her watch telly or she can have her tablet with headphones and I get the mini break I need.

Mine is clingy too, she wants to be wherever I am, help me do whatever I'm doing, clings to my leg and follows me to the toilet. to some extent I involve her with my chores if I can eg. I give her the dishwasher cutlery basket to empty while I do the rest, or she passes me clothes from the wash basket and I hang them up.

But if I want to get anything done quickly, she gets screen time.

I think the answer is to pick them up and cuddle them loads the rest of the time so they're all cuddled out when you have to actually do something

Oh OP again I have no advice but have the same 16 month old as you it seems. It’s exhausting and emotionally draining. DS won’t still and watch TV, doesn’t actually want a cuddle but just wants to be carried around the house all the time. I can’t pee / get dressed / do my make up / make breakfast without an eruption of tears. I’m sorry you’re going through similar but glad I’m not alone. No idea how you’re coping with another child on top of that.

My two year old does this. Follows me around and wants me to carry her all the time.
My older daughter did it too even when she was threee. Yes in infuriating.

And there doesn't have to be anything else going on, as a PP suggested. A child demanding to be constantly on you, touching you, picked up, crying by your legs whilst you hang laundry is overstimulating and overwhelming. The only thing that has helped me is getting her to help with tasks, but it's not always practical or safe.

Bribe her with toys/snacks/tv etc so she'll sit on her own

Have you tried stopping whatever you are doing to offer big hugs and cuddles every couple of minutes, whether or not she is clinging on to you? She may be feeling that the only way to guarantee your attention is to keep asking for it. If she got used to being put down for a couple of minutes then picked up again she might feel more confident and you could gradually reduce the frequency of cuddles.

Oh this post makes me feel so much better, my toddler is exactly the same and it is mentally and physically draining

I’m not, is the problem - I honestly do feel he’s being borderline neglected as DD just wants to be carried around constantly. Shacks and TV don’t work; only I will do.

And I do cuddle her, all the time, but she acts like the queen has died all over again if I go into the kitchen when she’s in the lounge.

What would she be banging her head on? I used a back carrier for getting stuff done with both of mine, still do with DS. I also drag the high chair into the kitchen so he’s up watching me while I cook or stand him on a stool next to me and let him peal a mushroom or something. He loves being carried around and he’s 35lbs and very tall but if he’s involved in what I’m doing, next to me, he’s happy with that as a compromise for a while.

It’s really hard work when they’re heavy and long but I’ve always found putting them in a carrier for half an hour while cooking, sorting laundry etc means they fill up on contact for a bit and are more likely to play independently for a while afterwards.

Sorry you’re having a difficult time. It’s understandable she wants to be close to you, you’re warm and smell lovely and you’re her favourite person in the world! It won’t last forever.

@AnneLovesGilbert we live in a small cottage with narrow doors and passages. Walking round with her attached to me really isn’t practical, apart from the fact it isn’t great if you need to bend down / crawl under something. It’s the same with the suggestions about babies and slings; they are great but they aren’t practical in every single eventuality. But even if it was she doesn’t want to go in a backpack or whatever, she wants me to walk around carrying her. And she’s heavy! 😩

My daughter was a stage 5 clinger too - she’d have climbed back inside if she could just to get closer. She’s 3 now and it does gradually get better, she still loves a cuddle but is not inconsolable without. Give it a couple more years I imagine it’ll be me chasing her round trying to hold her while she wants to escape! You’re also not far off her being able to help with chores etc and she’ll be able to enjoy shared time with you helping rather than needing shared touch.

I’m actually having to hide from her so she’ll eat her dinner; is she sees me she just keeps trying to get to me.

I know it’s sweet in a way but oh man it’s exhausting.