AIBU getting my son's friends to not pee in our yard?

[YourMauvePoet]

It's summer here in Australia, so my kids (14M, 17M, and 19M) have been having their friends over quite frequently, in particular to swim in our pool. Pretty much every evening, there is someone over.

The other day, I was putting the trash out around the side of the house, when I spotted one of my son's friends looking a bit lost. I asked what was the matter, and he said "Oh, I'm just looking for a place to pee". I told him where the bathroom was, to which he replied "Don't worry, I'm happy to just go here". He waited for me to leave and then I presume he peed in the bushes around the side.

I asked one of my sons about it, and he said that everyone just goes in the bushes around the backyard. I told him, "you know we have three bathrooms, right, and everyone's welcome to use them", to which he said it was fine.

I'm not an avid gardener so don't really care too much about the plants, but I just think its a bit gross to have heaps of boys peeing in those bushes every day. Am I being unreasonable? Am I overreacting?

When he said he was happy just to go there, why didn't you say please go and use the bathroom

Yanbu, gross

Sorry that's disgusting. Doesn't it honk?

I'd institute a rule that they use the restroom indoors. That's too much urine in too small a space.

Ugh that’s grim. YANBU

Why didn’t you insist he use a bathroom?

bizarre
of course it is gross
and must stink

I don't understand why you were so passive about it. You should have told the boy to use the bathroom when you talked to him.
And you should have followed up with a talk to your son about his friend's behaving in a civilised manner at your home.
I would be not allowing his friends the use of your pool if they are going to behave so disrespectfully.

You need to talk to your sons and find out why their mates think this is OK. If everyone does it, someone started it, and the 'hosts' have presumably indicated its OK or not told them no. I'm assuming you taught them from when they were little to always use a bathroom? So they know this isn't the way you want them to behave. Ask them if they're having trouble getting their mates to follow the house rules.

I would be telling them all that nobody is welcome if they are going to pee in the garden.

I said the same to my daughters friends when they were vaping in the house.

I'd tell them they need to use the bathroom or they wouldn't be welcome it's gross

You need to work on your assertive communication.
"Don't worry, I'm happy to just go here" - no you will not. Please use the bathroom.
Rather than saying "you know we have three bathrooms, right, and everyone's welcome to use them", you should have said that you want them to tell their guests to use the bathroom or they are not welcome to come. What does he mean "it's fine"? It absolutely is not fine and he would be told as much.

"Your mum might be happy with you peeing in here garden, I am not"
Feral behaviour

Why on earth didn't you tell him to use the bathroom at the time? With your passive attitude it's no wonder your sons think this is ok .

God does this really need to be an AIBU?! 🤦🏼‍♀️ it’s your garden, you are the adult. Why didn’t you just say go instead and use the bathroom?!

Presumably not if OP didn’t know it was happening

I'd have said this too

It will stink. My neighbour pisses in his garden because he's a gross cunt and we can smell it.

Occasionally I wouldn't care. But if it's regular and you live somewhere it doesn't rain much? It must stink!

I think peeing in gardens is quite common in hot countries. I'm not wild about it in this sort of scenario because it sounds lke it's a lot. Although at least he's looking for an out of the way spot rather than just randomly in your favourite flower bed or something.

If you odn't like it, absolutely, make it a rule that you expet your sons and their friends to use bathrooms.

YANBU to not want them to pee in the yard but
YABU to expect them to stop peeing in the yard when you handled it like this:
"you know we have three bathrooms, right, and everyone's welcome to use them", to which he said it was fine

Not "everyone's welcome to use them", "everyone must use them, no-one is to pee in the yard"

Do people not toilet train children in Australia? 🤔