How do you avoid taking on other people’s crap?

[YourLivelyPeachLemur]

I’ve noticed that people often project their problems, negativity, or drama onto others, whether intentionally or not. I find it difficult sometimes to not internalise it, especially if it’s coming from someone close to me.

How do you manage to stay grounded and not take on someone else’s stress or issues as your own? Do you set firm boundaries or is it more about mindset? Would love to hear how others deal with this.

It's very hard. I struggle with not taking on my children's stress and issues. I take many long solitary walks and baths!

I also read a lot. Great literature is a reminder that we are not that important.

That is such a good question. I also find that people can be off loading to me, I guess I am too polite to say anything. My DD is probably rude but she will pull a face and say “I can’t deal with this drama” or if it’s my MIL and she has to be polite, she will just zone out, you can see she has blank eyes.

Interesting question!

I seem to have a protective boredom button. If someone complains or dramas too much I just get bored and my head switches off so I don't take them seriously any more.

I'm always happy to help anyone. But again, if it's not reciprocal then my brain just decides I don't care.

It's not on purpose, I'm just wired that way!

I love this answer!

My daughter says, in general, most of life isn't that deep. Read a book instead!

I also switch off

The older I get, the fewer fucks I have to give regarding other people’s drama/criticism/poor behaviour.

I accept that I can only control my own behaviour, nobody else’s.

If I don’t want to do something, then I don’t.

If you don't react then you're not feeding their need for drama. Don't ask about the drama, give advice or suggestions. If you don't join in, they'll move onto someone else to get the attention they crave

How do you do this with DC or DH though?

The same as you would with a flakey friend or the drama llama at work.
Just don't bite when the drama starts.

Why do you think people who are sharing that they are in pain are 'drama llamas '? That seems very mean.

Please can we stop saying drama llama.

You stop reading AIBU
It's full.of others people's crap and problems that have nothing to do with you, you don't even know them!!

I don't take it on. Not my circus.
People are going to make their choices regardless of what I think. If they are looking for support I'll give it, but I don't offer advice unless its asked for.

My job involves supporting people. I have to have boundaries, you can be empathetic but they are not your problems to solve. I simply couldn't function otherwise.

You need to be very grounded in yourself, recognise that other people’s shit is their shit, and that just because they think it’s about you doesn’t mean you have to engage on those terms.

Don't react . Don't fan their need for sympathy or shock. Walk away to more pressing needs. Be rude if necessary