Benefit bashing friend

[holly224]

I've had a good friend for over 10 years, but I feel in the last year or so she has changed a lot and I don't know how to approach it.

Every time I see her, she spends most of the time complaining about people on benefits. I must add, I work full time in a professional job but do get a top up of universal credit. I'm a single parent and it helps a lot with my childcare. I don't want to be on benefits and hopefully as my earnings go up every year this won't always be the case, but I'm grateful to have the help that I do.

My friend and I are similar in that we got divorced a few years ago around the same time and both with young children.
My friend works very hard, I don't want to be outing but similar to a carer. My job is more like a nurse.

We got a similar amount in our divorce financial settlement. I was able to get a small mortgage and buy a little house in a not so good area. But it was what I could afford, and it was mine so felt lucky.

Friend was not able to get a mortgage, due to her lower earnings and I think being on a zero hours contract.

However she soon after met a lovely man who she's very happy with, they combined her funds and the proceeds from the sale of his house and got a lovely house together in a nice area. They got engaged and I'm very happy for her.

She used to be so lovely and non-judgemental, very kind, but as I said now all her conversations revolve around bashing those who don't work as hard as her and are on benefits "getting things for free".

There are several of us in the friendship group who are single parents, all work and all get help from universal credit. All of us work very hard, just as she does.

A lot of the information she comes out with isn't correct- such as saying a person had 6 kids to get all the benefits and I will try and explain to her that it has been capped at 2 children since 2017 but she just gets angry and says people find ways around it.

She knows I get help and I find some of the things she comes out with quite offensive and upsetting.

At the risk of sounding like a witch- if she had not her new partner, there is every possibility she would have also needed help from universal credit in order to get by.

How would you approach this with a friend without falling out, as so far my subtle attempts at trying to correct her aren't working.

Next time she goes on a rant I would call her out.

I'd say 'so you mean people like me?' then see what she has to say.

It doesn't sound like she is a friend.

I'd ditch her!

So many working people receive UC.

That's a perfect answer- thank you!

Its very hard when a person changes but you still remember what they used to be like

if she had not her new partner, there is every possibility she would have also needed help from universal credit in order to get by.

I'm surprised she didn't claim anything during the period between partners, she would have been entitled to. Surely she has/did claim child benefit/free nursery hours as well if she has young children? Or are those 'okay' free money to be given in her view?

I do think it's ridiculous that someone working a qualified job like a nurse gets universal credit, but that is because I think it's disgusting from a governmental/economic policy perspective that our wages are so low that someone in that sort of job needs it, not based on any judgement on anyone claiming it - everyone should claim everything they are entitled to, but wages should be sufficient that people working full time, particularly in professional, highly skilled jobs don't need to.

She's deluded if she thinks the tax she pays as a carer (equivalent) goes anywhere near the amount of money she gets out of the public purse for her children's education, her hospital costs when birthing them, every dr appt she or they attend, roads maintenance, emergency services provision, etc etc - regardless of having nabbed a better-off man, on her wage she is still very much a net recipient from the public purse rather than a net contributor, even if she doesn't actually get UC specifically, so is a complete hypocrite!

@another1bitestheduck With a short period between XH and new partner she probably had too much in savings from divorce to qualify, especially since it appears to have been enough for a house deposit.

Ditch the friend @holly224, the new man might not stick around and she'd be in the same position as a lot of full time working single mums. Getting her share of the deposit back minus fees etc will still not get her the nice house. Zero hours contracts can easily vanish too, she's be fortunate not better than you.

@another1bitestheduck

She's deluded if she thinks the tax she pays as a carer (equivalent) goes anywhere near the amount of money she gets out of the public purse for her children's education, her hospital costs when birthing them, every dr appt she or they attend, roads maintenance, emergency services provision, etc etc - regardless of having nabbed a better-off man, on her wage she is still very much a net recipient from the public purse rather than a net contributor, even if she doesn't actually get UC specifically, so is a complete hypocrite!

This!

I would learn this paragraph off by heart and smoothly recite it to said friend.