Baby blues or something more?

[justhadababy]

I had my baby 3 weeks ago now. I felt on such a high for the first week, except for baby blues which kicked in and knocked me for six between days 5-7.

Progressively over the last few days I have been feeling really flat and overwhelmed. The mental load is huge. I think dark nights don't help and I do get a bit of SAD each year, but have tried to combat this by getting out for lots of fresh air each morning yet I still feel crappy by the time it reaches 3pm.

I have a really hands-on DH who has taken great care of me and baby, but the thought of him returning to work in a few days terrifies me for some reason. I can't imagine how we will manage on our own.

I love my baby but I also worry I don't have the normal kind of response as a mother. If I hear baby crying with DH I don't want to rush to make it better, it doesn't bother me too much. Baby generally settles with DH much better than me and seems more content with him.

DM came to see us earlier and together we nipped out to the supermarket which is a 5 min drive from home, leaving a fed and fast asleep baby at home with DH. We were only 30 minutes but it felt lovely to be able to talk to her on my own for a bit and she is very supportive, but the kindness just made me want to cry!

I'm usually not an emotional or particularly hormonal person either but the change has really taken me aback. I don't feel myself as I am leaking out of everywhere, everything is 10x harder than it was before and even the simplest of tasks take triple the time. I am a bit worried about whether this is going beyond the typical baby blues and is entering some kind of PND. I spoke to my sister and my friend who have recently had babies and they both said it's normal to feel this way still.

Does it sound standard? At what point should I start to be concerned about feeling wobbly and not quite me?

My daughter is 7 months old now and my advice would be if you are worried at all, speak to health visitor/GP. Some worry and overwhelm is normal, excessive isn’t, let the professionals help you work out where you sit on that spectrum- it’s what they’re there for and trained to do. It’s far better to reach out and then ultimately realise you don’t need help and that it was just a bad few days than to not reach out and hit breaking point. It does get easier though, honestly, and when your partner is back at work you just find your own little routines and settle into your new life! I actually found it easier to settle once my husband went back to work because I knew his paternity leave wasn’t forever so I never really settled into a routine because it was about “making the most” of the time we had together as a new family. Once he went back to work we then just were able to settle into our new normal and I found that so much easier! X

I felt everything you’ve described in the early weeks/months, it’s completely normal, especially enjoying a break- never feel guilty for that. Your body has been through a monumental change, your hormones are all over, you’re now responsible for another tiny human being and you’re knackered. Please be kind to yourself; trust me you’ll be smashing it. However if you feel you would benefit from speaking with someone (like a GP or your HV) please do. PND doesn’t discriminate, it can affect anyone so if the feelings do start to feel more prolonged or more intense that’s fine too, no shame. New mums are warriors.

Sorry to hear you are feeling so overwhelmed. It's a huge life shift and can take quite a while to adjust.

You might find it helpful to contact PANDAS helpline/WhatsApp/email support or join one of their in-person or online support groups: https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/how-we-can-support-you/