AIBU to be annoyed partner is choosing to work

[kiana2015]

Me and my partner have a 7 month old, I'm currently on maternity leave and he works full time, recently he found himself a little side work with his friend. He has just told me this week he is working every single day, where he was supposed to have 2 days off, he did this 2 weeks ago as well. Our DD is really difficult at the minute, she isn't sleeping and suffering with teething so she is screaming and grumpy all day it's hard work, I'm exhausted. We also aren't struggling to severely need the money. AIBU to expect him to actually want to spend time with us and help me on his days off? I haven't replied to him saying he will be working everyday yet or I will explode and it will lead into an argument

Is it legal work??

Is this a long term plan? A few weekends of extra work to get some money in (I understand you saying that you're not struggling severely, but a bit of extra income in a single income house - especially close to Christmas - isn't a bad thing) is different to working 7 days a week for the foreseeable?

Yes it's legal

We aren't a single income household, I'm still receiving my full wage in maternity and will be going back to work once that stops, our income hasn't changed

I think he's grasped an opportunity to escape doing the work of spending time with his baby, leaving the load to you. Some men on are like this.

I'd be furious OP.

very unfair i would not be happy with this

Will you go back full or PT?
Who will look after your little one when you go back to work?

Maybe he's trying to make a bit of extra money to put aside incase of upcoming unforseen expenses.

This is exactly what I think as it's always when we're going through a difficult stage like this, this is when he is always out somewhere or picking up extra work

Less days, more hours, same money. My parents will look after DD as he has said he wants to work most days for the foreseeable

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this is unreasonable I feel like I might as well be a single parent as when he finishes work in the evening he comes home and plays Xbox (which I understand after a long day you need that down time) but this is going to be 6/7 days a week for the future

I had an ex who chose to go out all day at the weekends to do all manner of things, left for work early, got home late, stared at phone. Did sweet FA with DD.
He's still a lazy parent now we’re not together and DD has very little respect for him.

I'd tell him that:

"I am with you by choice because I enjoy spending time with you.

However it would seem that youre taking every opportunity you can to avoid spending time with me.

Considering our baby is really demanding just now it feels like you're trying to get out of doing your share. I may be on mat leave but I'm not a machine. I'm knackered.

This extra work my be lucrative but we are a partnership and decisions about things that affect this family need to be discussed and made together. Not you decide and I never see you and neither does dc.

So I'd like to discuss this further before any decisions are made".

He is on his way home from work so will discuss once he is home I just know it will lead to an argument where he says I'm controlling

Simply ask him who’s looking after his daughter during that time since you’re doing it every other day? he Gets his down time playing games everyday - when is yours?

Nah I wouldn’t be ok with this at all. I was so exhausted on mat leave I lived for the weekends when at least there were two of us to share the load - dh did night shifts for me at weekends for months

They always say you are controlling it’s a tactic to turn the tables on you. He’s not doing his fair share he thinks it’s your job. Tell him to make you a single parent officially and bugger off!

My ex started a 'project' in the garden which was unnecessary when my son was newborn just to stay away and not do any childcare hence he's an ex that's what your H is doing

I would also say that you are exhausted and you need him to invest some real time into being a father.