Online Bloke keep or chuck back?

[crochetmonkey74]

Matched online and chatted
Seems nice.
He lives with his ex and has done for 2 years. He says they are friends as she had to have medication that turned her sex drive off and her need for a romantic relationship.

Sounds like BS? Can't work out if I'm too picky
What do you guys think?
Am I being too harsh that he hasn't managed to move out in 2 years?

Run like the wind!

For me it wouldn't matter if his story was true or not. Can you imagine staying over at his during the great sex phase of a relationship? With his ex sitting in the living room?

Get rid, you don't need to carry anyone else's baggage

(And that's before the fact his story is almost certainly BS)

Seriously? So Is he alright with you meeting her, if they’re just friends who live together now?

While I do know two ex couples who share the same house still mainly due to finances and seem to make it work (all have new partners but not at the moving in together stage), I would not want to embark on a relationship with this kind of set up myself. I'd give this one a miss

You are definitely NOT too picky! Sounds like a whole lot of baggage that you could do without.

You know, I was thinking all of this- but I am so fed up being single I keep double thinking everything

Red flags for me :
Being so passive that in 2 years you haven't organised moving out
What possible meds would this be?
Him not being able to host me there etc

I'm just so fed up of the apps being full of useless men

Yeah good question .

Test the water see what he says. .play it nice so he doesn’t suspect.

Honestly though he’s a cheating Lier .

You are SO SO SO much not picky enough. This is like the biggest red flag going. You need to sit down and set yourself some boundaries before dating more and this one is top of the list. Guys who are not demonstrably and completely single and unattached (and living with your ex is not being unattached!)

Run far away.

There are a high number of men who cheat on wives who are undergoing cancer treatment. Arseholes the lot of them. Sounds to me like he might be in amongst them.

Do yourself an enormous favour OP and bin him off. You don’t need this grief - it’s fine to be picky.

It may be true OP. My brother split up with his wife more than two years ago and they're still living together (for financial reasons). It's easy enough to check, you just need to insist on meeting the ex to make sure that her narrative matches his. My brother and his STBXW would have no problem with this.

As a rule, I think if you're concerned enough to post on MN about a potential new man, that's probably a bad sign.

In this case, it's DEFINITELY a bad sign. I mean, NOTHING he says here sounds even slightly believable. So... the entire relationship ended because she's on meds and couldn't have sex but they still live together and are perfectly happy? hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

you know I hadn't even considered the fact he may be lying about their relationship- for me the messiness of living with an ex was enough of a red flag
They don't have kids - I would think 2 years of living there is enough to save to move

This is not being picky! Wanting a man to have his own home is not being picky! Wanting a man to see a relationship as worth having even if the sex dries up is not picky. Wanting a man to be able to draw a line under a relationship and go separate ways after 2 years I not picky!

If you think you are being picky, you are setting a very low bar! Work out what you want in a partner and work back from that. Write down 5 non-negotionables (financially solvent, no gambling addiction, no substance abuse, no debt, has a job, lives alone, kind, funny, honest, tidy, clean, good cook, good in bed... whatever you want) and if a man doesn't meet that criteria, walk away!

No thanks. Flat share, ok if he needs a stop gap. Living with ex, no way. If he wants to date again that needs to be the impetus to sort his life admin out. No problem them being friends after split (with appropriate boundaries) but this isn't cool. How are you supposed to feel coming home one night and saying a cheery hello to his ex who lives with him? It's asking too much.

Thanks all

I actually agree- it's easy to feel a bit desperate with dating !

Dump!! No-one deserves a man like this! 🤭

I wouldn't, they'll either still in a relationship and she's unaware otherwise or he can't be bothered to move on, 2 years has been long enough to move out if that's true.
I'd avoid anyone living with an ex or parents, or in shared accommodation, my thoughts are if I'm able to look after myself and children then the man I'm seeing should be able to at least look after himself.