To feel terrible for shouting at DS for a lack of sleep

[Stuckbetweenarockandarock]

My DS is 2.5, we’ve had phases of him sleeping well but even then he is up for the day at 5. Since he moved into his cot bed he has been waking up all hours of the night, we go and reassure, he screams some more and up and down we go. Some nights we try and leave him for a bit but he screams more. We have an older DS who has just started school who keeps getting woken up and is tired. They do ASC everyday as we both work full time in demanding jobs and basically everyone needs their sleep!

so after another 4:40am wake up this morning I just lost it with him, shouted at him told him he was naughty and that I had had enough. He only ever wants daddy and so went off and got into bed with him and went back to sleep - which he has never ever done before (tried bringing him into the bed before and just wants to play).

basically we just can’t cope with the constant disturbed sleep. I know having children it’s part of the deal but after a couple of years o am broken. I go to bed early but we just need to change things. It’s making me lose my mind and be shouty which is not the mum I want to be.

Firstly do not feel guilty, sleep deprivation kills.

Secondly, what's the rest of his routine like?

Every sympathy. It happens to pretty much everyone as far as I can tell. Co sleeping is the answer. If he wants Dad, let him have Dad. You go and sleep on the sofa/in the shed/anywhere else. It's no failure; everyone asleep in slightly different configurations of beds is much superior to the current situation. And it does improve. Mine are 8 and 10 now and they do sleep and lay in on the weekends!

Let him in your bed to sleep when he wakes in the morning.

Take it in turns that one parent gets up with him if he's properly awake.

Your house sounds busy and possibly stressed, it affects kids too, so try to take it easy on all of you.

I have an almost 3 year old and a 4 month old. We went through this exact phase after we moved him into the cot bed at around 2.5 too - I was heavily pregnant at the time too!

All my friends seemed to be going through the same thing, it just seemed to be an age/freedom of the bed thing. It took ages and I thought I had the broken child, my body was already broken from being heavily pregnant and having to deal with DS doing this every fkn night (he didn't want daddy!). It took a good 3/4 months but it did stop eventually. What made things easier was dropping the nap. He wasn't going to bed til after 9 every night but with no nap, it was far easier with a 7:30 bedtime and he pretty much went straight to sleep.

Sorry can't offer any other advice other than it happened to me and it did end.

What is he saying when he wakes you up - is he scared, wet, wants to play, or what? Is his room dark enough, his bed warm enough?
Everyone can lose the rag sometimes, but you know he's not really being naughty by waking up so try to reassure him in the morning.

I know @Gonegurl he just wants cuddles and reassurance. In fact he seems to wake up so tired and wanting more sleep but frustrated and wants mummy then daddy then mummy but he actually just doesn’t know what he wants.

@Hercisback1 he does still have a nap and for about an our or so, but on Saturday he didn’t have his nap and slept loads better at night, but he was beside himself in the day and was very upset. He usually has an hour in the day, although I suspect nursery let him sleep longer.

Definitely sounds like the nap needs to go. They can be horrible through the transition but give it a week and night sleep is usually better for it.

When we moved my youngest into a bed he hated it and woke up in the night loads so we went back to a cot for a bit and he slept better again. Could you try this to see if it helps? Even a travel cot if you have got rid of the cot. I think my dc liked the security of the cot still.

I really sympathise as my similar age toddler has had to drop his short nap due to late nights. He's also knackered by bedtime, but some nights is so wired he can't nod off. I only know a couple of people with toddlers this age, but they're also going through it.

No advice, just solidarity 😴

Sympathies because sleep deprivation is the worst!
Does sound like he's ready to drop his nap though, neither of mine had a daytime nap after around age 2, it's a killer during the day because you don't get a break but the payoff was an easier bedtime and better nights sleep.
I would also suggest him coming in with you when he wakes up and maybe you all get a couple of hours extra snoozing, or you and DH take turns to sleep elsewhere

Yes think the nap needs to go. It seems the obvious thing to try, I think because a few months ago it used to make it worse if he hadn’t had a sleep but I know things change quickly at this age.

the trouble we have is he is at nursery 4 days and they will not support the no nap (that a whole another thread!) so need to work that bit out!

Hey! You had a very normal reaction considering the circumstances - life will have lots of these moments where people act out of turn, it’s just reality. So what you need to do now is apologise and explain in language he will understand why you acted like that eg tired and frustrated.

life isn’t always sweet and smiles, but by showing him how to manage things like this he will know how to explain his own moments of acting out (lots atm lol)

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