My friend asking me if my bf can host her birthday at his place?

[Railou]

Now we have Celebrated her birthday party last year in my bfs apartment, at first time it was because she really wanted to celebrate and didn’t know where! Because we started doing group things togheter with 4 other people and my bf. Even if this wasn’t a problem before because she didnt celebrated it before, so later on, me and my bf tough maybe we could have it at his home? Sure! But i just thought it would be a one time thing, not turning into a tradition every year.

Because know when i hanged out with her she was like «hmmm i wonder how i will celebrate my birthday this year.. maybe out for dinner or maybe bowling?! Oh i know! We can do like last year? At your bfs home?» i think its a bit weird of her to want to celebrate her birthday party at her own will at my bf’s home without me and him asking first. We also had no intention of having it this year aswell. Even if we already said yes last year, i dont think its our responsability to host her bday every year.

sorry for my bad englids is not my first language!

You certainly don’t have to make it a tradition! Just say oh no sorry he doesn’t feel like hosting a party at the moment.

Say a nice no, it was just a one off. Perfectly fine to not do it just because she asked. And I guess it's understandable she asked if it went well last time and she's not the sort to feel shy asking. But it's not a command, it's a request and no reason why you have to go along with it. Most people don't have parties for their birthdays every year anyway. She should be fine to just go for drinks in a bar or a meal if she doesn't have a place to host.

It's fine she asked, and fine to say no. No big deal in any way.

Just laugh and dismiss the idea with ‘ah not this year, bowling sounds fun though’.

It's OK to just say "No" @Railou .

So did you tell her no when she suggested it?

@Olika i told her im not sure since its not my house, and i need to talk to my bf about it (stupid move i know), I know my bf will prob say yes bcs she is my friend but dont want to make it every year thing so i do kinda wanna ask about bowling it sounds more fun

I think you should just mention it to your bf as in xx asked if she could have her bday party at yours again but I don't want it to become an annual thing so I prefer she organises something different like bowling. And then tell your friend she should plan something else.

Just tell her it's not convenient and bowling is a good option. It's not your problem. Don't let her bully you.

She probably thought it would be easier for her with you hosting it. Less work for her to do, mess in someone else's house and makes you feel good about yourself that it is being hosted for you. You don't need to find reasons....just No.

Is she an adult? Weird she expects her friends to host a birthday party for her if it’s not a big birthday. One of the key rules of adulthood is if you want to go to parties, you have to throw them yourself.

It’s perfectly ok to say no. She’s somewhat entitled in her thinking so she might not take it well. But if you don’t put your foot down now then you may have to host her day every year!

Once was fine, but if he says yes again then it's giving the impression it can be a regular thing, so he should say no now to prevent it becoming an annual event.

@Lemonadeand she is 25. My bf gladly host my birthday at his home tho and he host his at his home, but thats different. I think bowling could been fun for everyone aswell.

@moose62 yea.. probs, we can clean this whole apartment before a party but after a party its turns messy with all the bottles around n stuff. So having it here it easier less money to use, no cleaning. But also weitd to ask a friend if their bfs can host without us asking first.

@BilboBlaggin yea my thought to. I know she lives with her parents and a bit far away from town but i don’t want me and my bf to become responsible for her upcoming bdays every year and it becoming a tradition. I know i woudn’t put that on my friends or their partners unless they asked first.

She's rather cheeky and presumptuous but may be one of those people that think because someone did her a favour once, that the same favour is open indefinitely. Now is the time to tackle it, otherwise yes there is a real risk it will become a yearly tradition.

She may not realise the commitment that is involved in hosting. Clearing furniture and cleaning beforehand, getting glasses, music, drinks, food and fridge space ready. Then clearing up afterwards. If people hang around and don't leave the house can't go to bed. Risk of breakages, neighbours complaining about noise.

Speak to your boyfriend before she does and say all this and that you'd rather he didn't host. You can't actually tell him he can't but hopefully he'll listen to how you feel.

Last year was different, because your friend was unsure where/what she wanted to do for her birthday. This year...no. I'd also imagine hosting for someone's birthday, is a lot of work for your boyfriend and yourself. I would be honest and say 'I'm sorry, but last year was a one off, we weren't planning on offering the same this year'. If she's upset, then that's tough! She should have asked you both, and not just assumed it would be OK. Suggest a nice restaurant or something instead.

@honeylulu yea from her side its prob not a big ask, but we are the one’s cleaning, living rooms, bathroom, space for peoples drinks in fridge, put away the dinner table decorations for beer pong and clean everything after a party. Now we always our group of 6-7 people, luckly we don’t serve food at our parties that would even make it worse.

I would just laugh and say “no last year was a once off cheeky” then start talking about bowling.

Very cheeky of her.
Say No and make sure your boyfriend agrees.

It's up yo your boyfriend though, it's his house.

Unfortunately, there are some people who are both cheeky, for want of a better word - she is probably one of those who thinks, “I’ll ask because the worst they can say is no”, and who also relies on the fact that most friends would find it difficult to say no, and so she’d get what she wants. You’ll have to let her down, and say that you and bf have talked about it and you both agree that bowling would be the better option this year because although he was happy to host her party last year, he doesn’t want it to become an annual thing. She may well try to push, but the person hosting a party always ends up with expense and clearing up - be nice, but don’t let her try to talk you round. Tell her that it’s not within your gift to agree to your bf hosting a party at his place, that’s for him to choose to do, and this year, you think going bowling would be a far better option.

Just tell her it’s too much work to organise and clean up after. She can book a pub.

"Crikey no, that was a one-off, Julie. I love the bowling idea, why don't you book that?"