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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stay together for the kids?

6 replies

organize · 24/11/2024 15:13

The arguments between me and my partner have been getting worse lately. It feels like we can’t have a normal conversation without it turning into a fight. Whether it’s about the kids, money, or just day-to-day stuff, we just can’t seem to get on the same page anymore. The constant tension is exhausting, and it’s really starting to wear us both down. It feels like we’re always at each other’s throats, and I don’t even know how to fix it anymore. We don’t seem like a team anymore, and it’s hard to see how things could get better at this point.

On top of that, the arguing has started happening more and more often. It used to be every few months, then it was every month, and now it feels like it’s happening at least once a week. The fighting is just too much, and it’s starting to affect everything. It’s embarrassing when it happens in front of the kids or when we’re out and about. It’s like we’re stuck in this never-ending cycle of arguing, and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better.

After thinking it over for a while, we’ve decided it might be best to separate. We think it’ll give us a chance to stop the constant fighting and try to create a calmer environment. We’re even thinking about moving into a new place, which could be a fresh start for everyone. We know it’s going to be tough, but we just feel like it’s the only way to stop the stress and tension.

The problem is the kids don’t really get it. When we told them about the idea of splitting up, they were upset and started crying, begging us to stay together. They don’t fully understand why we’re doing this, and they just want everything to stay the same. It’s hard because we get where they’re coming from, but things haven’t been working for a while, and we feel like this is the only way forward.

I just wish they could see that sometimes it’s better to split up than to keep dragging out something that’s causing so much conflict. It’s hard because we really thought they’d come around over time, but right now, their reactions are stopping us from making any progress. We’re feeling stuck. We just want what’s best for everyone, but it’s tough when they don’t understand. They keep begging us to stay together and were crying nonstop, making it harder for us to move forward.

I’m now starting to think they’re not going to let this go unless we stay together, and it’s really making things even more difficult. Hopefully, they’ll get it eventually and see that this is what’s needed to bring peace to the family.

OP posts:
Noseybookworm · 24/11/2024 22:22

How old are your children? You probably shouldn't have said anything to them until you had a concrete plan in place. You and your partner need to reassure them that you both love them and that they will have plenty of time with each of you. Tell them you know it's sad and it's ok to be sad but that you are all going to be alright. Try and keep them out of the discussions and just reassure them that both parents are going to be there for them and make sure that they're cared for. Most of all, stop with the arguments. It takes two to argue, you don't have to engage with it. Walk away and keep your discussions for when the children are in bed.

ImJustAGirlInACountrySong · 24/11/2024 22:24

No
You should not be role modelling shit relationships .... your kids surely deserve better?

Alwayslurkingsometimesposting · 24/11/2024 22:29

How old are the kids? I don't think you can expect them to get it, even if they're older (teens). They'll just want their mum and dad to be together, which is natural. It's hard but you'll have to contain and hold their feelings as well as your own uncertainty and sadness, rather than hoping they'll understand/get on board with it. They're not inside the relationship so they dont know whats best for you two. Is there any possibility of getting couples therapy rather than going for a separation in the first instance?

Snorlaxo · 24/11/2024 22:32

How old are the kids?

IME kids will prefer the situation that they know over a situation that is often portrayed as horrific on tv and in movies. I wouldn’t have discussed it with them and presented it as a done deal once you and your h made the decision.

nutbrownhare15 · 24/11/2024 22:34

Of course they aren't going to want you to split up and will be upset at the thought of it. Their reaction should not be what sways your decision. However I do think it's worth trying couples counselling if you haven't already. Much cheaper than splitting up.

Motherrr · 24/11/2024 22:39

No one likes change. They won't like it and it will be hard but it's better to make the decision now rather than many years later down the line.

Do you think you could still try to have joint family time together even if you aren't a couple any more? That would be important for them to still feel like a family x

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