A different Christmas this year? Porward

[Ohwelljusttoday]

Hi all,

for reference, both my adult children live away ( 20 and 24).

this is my first Christmas without my mum, their Nan, and I am struggling as she was always there, every Christmas with her carving knife 🫶

i decided to book an air bnb for Christmas- but my son is beyond annoyed/angry 😔

He moved out 2 years ago - and is quite black and white in his thinking.

I am so very upset x

I met him yesterday and we were no further forward x

Sorry for your loss.

do you normally spend Christmas with your son? Does the new plan include him?

It depends - is he invited? 20 is still quite young to be expected to do Christmas alone.

Did you explain to him that having it at home would feel quite difficult this year?

Sorry for your loss.
Can you explain why your son is angry?

How do you want to spend Christmas?

What are your kids doing for Christmas? They're quite young, presumably not with their own families etc yet?

Wasn’t quite clear in ordinal post - my daughter is in her final year at Uni and has had so much to deal with 🥴

My son is a beautiful man but hasn’t had the easiest life also.

What more can I do for them?

....maybe spending Christmas day with them, for one

You still aren't being very clear. Did they expect to come home for Christmas? If so, they likely expected to spend Christmas Day with you—especially if they usually do.

Are they invited to be with you ? @Ohwelljusttoday

So are your DC invited to the AirBnB with you?

If he doesn't want to go to the air b&b after being invited he is BU.

If you haven't invited your kids for Xmas then YABU.

You still aren't making yourself clear I'm afraid.
Why is he angry?
Why aren't you spending Christmas with them?

What can you do for them?

• invite them to the air BnB with you
• invite them to spend Xmas at yours (either with you there or not - maybe they’d like to be at their family home and have that comfort even if you’re at the air BnB?)
• see if they want you to come to their house for Xmas lunch
• explain that you’re really looking forward to this air BnB trip and some alone time, and you can get together for a belated Christmas in the new year

??

OP- use words!

Is the airb&b just for you? For all of them? For just a few days? Is it somewhere you all like, or is it the ass end of no where?

You may want to hide from your grief but do you think this plan could be stressful for them too?

And for your child at university- do they come home for some down time? Would they need to do some work on assignments/ dissertation while they are home?

More context needed

Include them in your plans? One at university probably expects to come home for the holidays anyway, and at 20 they're not full grown adults.

Presumably you were planning on being with them anyway, and it is just a change of location?

Fkn hate Christmas for many reasons, but family disharmony is one of them.

OP are your children invited to the AIRbnb with you? If yes and they want/demand/would prefer to be in your/their home, then YANBU. You miss the tradition of your late mother and all that goes with it. She won't be there anymore so you are doing something different. Good on you.

If you are going alone to the ABnb then that is something different, and the kids will no doubt be disappointed and might feel abandoned.

So which is it?

I went "home" for Christmas for many years after I left home. During Ini and for several years later.
Does your son live alone, or does he have a partner? Was he expecting to spend Christmas with you and your daughter?
What is she doing this year?
So many variables on your post.