How to live a happy life?

[Asmummy]

I had a car accident earlier today and I was 100% at fault. Thankfully no one was hurt.

The truth is I should not have been driving today. I barely got enough sleep las tonight. I am married with 3 children and the youngest has special needs. He wakes up a few times a night. He also needs constant supervision and has no sense of danger. I am always exhausted. At night night, I don't fall asleep. I pass out from exhaustion.

I am in stressful job that I hate. My boss/line manager is a difficult person to work with. The more time I spend in my role and the less confident I feel about myself.

DH works hard but all the kids activities have become my responsibility. I take no joy from any of it anymore.

If I could give up on it all and start over, I so would. How can I salvage my life?

I'm sorry OP 💐

Honestly I think happiness is sometimes an illusion. I remind myself if all I did were things that made me 'happy' I would reach retirement having done nothing of substance.

Can you change careers? Get more help somehow? At the very least swap out nights with DH so you can get some proper rest - no way should all the kids stuff be on you.

Does your DH & other family know you had a car accident out of sheer exhaustion?

Ask them what the solution is because you can't keep on as is, it isn't safe, nor is living a life robbed of all joy

It sounds like you're doing two full time jobs on top of everything else

Regular respite care for your dc if at all possible

Part-time or different job where you can

Fewer activities for your dc where you can - rest is more important

Share nights with dh so you're not doing it all

Look for small things that you do enjoy; small moments of happiness that shine through the day like little rays of sunlight

Your husband is as much the kids parent as you are so why is it all down to you op. You may as well be a single parent. Use this as a wake up call as things need to change. Changing jobs etc may take a while but from today your husband can start helping you more with the kids and splitting night wake ups.

Look for a new job.

Kids in fewer activities or ones nearer home or easier to arrange or where you can carshare.

DH needs to do more. Food shops? Vacuuming, clean bathroom, change beds, washing up / dishwasher, and make meals at the weekend.

You need time for yourself every day when you are not doing housework. During your lunchbreak can you go for a walk or something like that?

Do you travel by car? Get it valeted and find some music or podcast or audio book to enjoy when you are alone in the car (or on your phone with earphones if you walk or take public transport.)

This should be your wake up call. Sack off the activities. Your husband needs to step up. If you're not safe to drive something needs to change. I mean this kindly not having a go at you.

Genuine question, but is this an AI answer? It doesn't engage with the OP at all, which doesn't mention housework anywhere but does make it clear in the first paragraph that she does have a car and drives it.

How old are your children, OP, particularly the youngest? Do you get any respite when he's at school/nursery, or is all during your work hours only?

Your dh needs to step up and do more . Write a list of the all the things that need doing and share with your dh
Stop being a martyr.
Start looking for a part time role (not a part time role with full time work load )
Reduce extra curricular activities for dc.
There isn’t anything wrong in coming home from school , watching tv and resting

This is definitely a wake up call. I could have killed someone today.

I really feel like I have 2 full time jobs at the moment.

This is what I will do this week.

1. Make my child's DLA application. He qualifies but I've been putting it off.
2. Start looking for a part time job.
3. Reduce kids activities.
4. Do one night on/off with DH about waking up with the youngest.
5. Take a day off work and watch Netflix all day.

Thank you so much for your replies.

How old is your youngest and how severe are their SEN?

You should be getting higher rate care if up at night. You really need to make it clear on the form that you are getting up at night and helping with supervision, pad changes, drinks etc if that is what you are doing. It can take a long time to get a decision on DLA, but if you do get higher rate care, universal credit is a lot more generous for carers of children with severe disabilities. You may find dropping hours does not dent your finances that much. I say this as I'm in a similar boat with sleep and we are both FT workers here too and struggling. Something had to give, so we looked into it and we're surprised to find this out.

I would advise asking your doctor for melatonin too.

Definitely do the Netflix day too!

Oh, OP. That's crap. I 've no advice but reading your last post it sounds like you know what you need to do. Good on you.

I'm sorry you're having a shit time. I hope you can turn things around now it's come to a head. Reducing load and DH stepping up sounds good. I like your plan.

Good call, OP. Best wishes with it all.