Worried I'm getting over invested

[lookingforadvice22]

Tend to get invested in relationships quite quickly.

Met a guy in a bar on a night out in big uk city when I was there for work. He was also in the city on a work trip he's from Canada. We spent the night together, it was extremely boozy but I really felt that we had real chemistry. He flew back to Canada the next day and I went away for 4 weeks for work the following week. We have been texting/occasional call's whilst I have been away and he's planned to come to my city in the Uk when I get back second week of December for a 4 day trip to meet up. He's now suggested that we go to vegas together at the end of December for 4 days.

I have a little boy (primary school age) who I share 50/50 with their dad in uk and he has a little girl (primary age) he shares 50/50 with her mum in Canada.

I'm excited as the chemistry felt real and I haven't felt that for a long time despite lots of dating and plenty options i just never feel any chemistry with the guys I meet BUT also a bit anxious as I know I tend to get invested quite quickly. Looking at the facts from an outsider it doesn't have any longevity and I should have fun but keep myself guarded and not get too invested shouldn't I? I'm worried I'm going to get hurt.

I think as long as you are capable of understanding and seeing it for what it is then you can enjoy it for what it is, but if you know you’re the type to get over invested and end up heartbroken I would avoid any further meet ups.

If you are able to compartmentalise it as fun with someone you enjoy the company of, and you know it isn’t going anywhere further, then great.

But if you know you’re going to become attached and then struggle to accept it can’t or won’t go further then protect yourself and cut and run while you can.

From an outsider do you think it definitely wouldn't go further? If we really hit it off then long distance forever is a ridiculous idea isn't it?

Can you financially budget six weekends in Canada every year?

How can it go further when you each have joint custody of a child in countries thousands of miles apart?

I think as long as you can see it for what it is (a holiday fling) then go for it.

Well it depends what “further” you’d be hoping for. If a “further” you’d be happy with is living 3600+ miles apart, and visiting each other a few times a year, then yeah it could go further and you could do that.

But if by “further” you mean starting a life together, marriage, maybe kids, living together, then personally I can’t see how it could go further. You both have a child you have for 50% of the time in your current locations, so unless one of you would be prepared to leave that child behind I don’t see how you could ever live together, marry or have more kids together if that’s something you’d want. (And if he would want to leave his child behind to move to the UK then honestly would you want a man like that? Who could leave his child for a girlfriend? Personally I wouldn’t).

Financially we both probably could travel often to see each other. We both work remote so time off isn't an issue either.

I think I will need to reign myself in and let him take the lead on any mention of where its going and if it's just a bit of fun or we both think there is something in it.

Financially the travel would be doable but I wouldn't particularly want to travel that much and I would prefer a traditional relationship of living together eventually.

I think two years of dating and feeling no chemistry is why I'm getting carried away and entertaining the idea of it being something more.

Seeing someone once a month for the next 10+ years is hardly a relationship.

You would have to be extremely trusting or happy to accept some kind of open relationship - you’ll never really know what he is up to when you are so far away and seeing each other so infrequently, same for him.

Like other posters if you’re happy with your life & just looking for someone to have fun with, who is good company, then go for it! I’m happily married but if my marriage were to end I think I would be happy to have a “boyfriend” but not in a rush to uproot my life or my kids to live with a man again.

If you’re looking for true love and a lasting relationship I think this isn’t for you.

I would prefer a traditional relationship of living together eventually
How can that possibly work? One of you would have to go from a 50/50 arrangement with tour respective children, and therefore fully committed to one of you only seeing them during some holidays. That's a massive change, and one that would certainly be unfair and hurtful to the children. Would either of you really be prepared to do this?

It would have to be a fun relationship whenever you can, or maybe a long distance one, but with a lot of heartache and frustration.

I would knock this on the head, OP. You cannot take your children to live in another country. He cannot take his children to live in another country. That means you and he can never live together. That means you could get involved but you'll end up with a broken heart.

Honestly, I've been there and fell so hard, but it ended in tears. It has to end in tears, that's the thing. It's completely different if either of you didn't have children, but as it is, it won't work out.

Let it go OP.

I'm the same, i fall easily and hard.

The longer you keep up this excitement the harder it will be to step away and the more heartache you're storing up for yourself.

I''l say plainly: You can't plan a serious relationship with a bloke with 50/50 custody of a little kid thousands of miles away! You won't be fulfilled and neither will he and you'll end up worrying about what he's doing half the time and you're walking into stress and daftness.

Never say never but this is pure fantasy. I mean, come on, if you fall madly in love is one of you going to move overseas and drag the kids away from the other parent? I hope not. Enjoy the fling by all means but don't get carried away.