To ask if you'd leave your children alone?

[Iceache]

They are in Y4 and Y7. I happily leave my Y7 child alone in the house (he also walks to and from school alone and goes out locally with friends to the park and on bike rides). I’ve never left my Y4 child alone and wouldn’t, although I will leave the two of them to pop to the shop at the end of our road. My question is this:

Would you leave two children that age for a couple of hours if you were going to be in the neighbours’ house (next door but one). We have been invited for Christmas drinks and I’m trying to work out if I should ask my mum to come round for a couple of hours instead, or leave them at home (my elder boy has a phone and they don’t really fight - they get on brilliantly and spend most evenings playing together), with one of us popping back occasionally to check on them. Interested to see what the average opinion is here!

It depends on the time of day I think.

My kids were fine being left briefly during the day time from about ages 8 and 11, and from ages 10 and 14 they were left all day while I went to work during Covid.

But years later, DS2 used to get anxious when I had to collect DS1 from parties at midnight. He only started being OK about it when he was about 14.

Without thinking twice. You’re two doors away, they can phone at any point, you can phone to check on them. DS is 12 and has been staying alone for a few hours, as well as walking to and from school, going to the barber’s by himself etc, for a year or more now.

Because the night time is more scary for kids. It’s dark, the streets may be empty, there isn’t the hustle and bustle of daytime activity to distract them, the silence is scary etc.

Thank you, now I understand. I thought people were thinking from a safety perspective.

My DSs are (a very responsible) y6 (no phone, but we have a landline still and he knows our numbers) and a Y4 (less sensible, but also less nervous).

I would definitely leave them - if (and only if) they were ok with it. They have already been fine with this in the day for short amounts of time but might not like the idea of being left after they were asleep, I'd discuss it with them (what to do in an emergency, and they'd have right of veto).

I would. I might pop back after an hour to make sure all is well.

As above, have discussed this with my 10YO DS and 8YO DS and they are less comfortable with being left alone at night.

I absolutely agree from a parental perspective there are a lot less safety worries if they are fast asleep!

I wouldn’t in an evening but daytime I would but does the younger want to be left with the older and is the older happy so basically babysit?

My 8 year old doesn’t want to be left and my oldest is nearly 16. We tending to start leaving home alone in year 6 for an hour or two shopping building up to them being home alone after school and such because of being on other school runs.

Ok interesting that most say yes! I’ve actually just mentioned it to my husband who immediately suggested we leave them here and he’s the more cautious of the two of us generally.

Interested to know why some think the time matters? If it were a school night then I get it; I’d never leave them to put themselves to bed, but it won’t be. They’d be watching TV or playing on the PlayStation together. We’d be back at 10 latest to put them to bed. I genuinely don’t see the difference here to daytime? We live in a very safe neighbourhood and know all our neighbours well.

My 11 year old is very sensible but tbh his younger brother actually has more common sense and is better at him at crossing roads etc. There’d be no ‘looking after’ really; they’d have eaten dinner with us and wouldn’t need anything. My younger one doesn’t need supervising - I’d happily leave him alone tbh for an hour but I don’t.

Depends on your children doesn't it. Mine are grown up now, but if I left the room I would come back to find them rolling around the floor 'play fighting', inevitably someone would come off worse.

I think maybe when people are differentiating between times it's because they wouldn't feel comfortable leaving them if they're in bed.
If they're up watching tv, gaming, I would def leave them, as long as they have a way to call you xx

I wouldn't no - 11 is too young to babysit the younger sibling. Can you not take them with you?

With the evenings and my own children especially my youngest by 9/10pm she would either be overtired and emotional or chilled there’s not much inbetween so the risk of her being very upset over the smallest thing is very heightened. Also simple because it’s dark, everything outside sounds scarier when you cannot see it, the wind blowing those trees or rumbling down the chimney.

You say it’s not really looking after but it is, because the older one feels an obligation to look out for their younger sibling it’s just natural.

But no I wouldn’t leave my 8 year old with an 11 year old from 8-10pm.

At that age I would have left mine in these circumstances and popped in a couple of times to check they were ok

I'd agree with this if they were going in to town or out for a meal but they're only two doors away.

Op I'd just make sure they know they can ring you if there's any problem and you'll happily come home.

I could, yes, although they haven’t explicitly been invited. Children are annoying at these things though as there’s nothing for them to do, so another option would be to draft my mum in to sit with them. Thing is, my mum would simply be in the other room not needed. My younger child doesn’t get overtired; they’re generally up til 10pm on a Saturday evening and go to bed no problem when we go up. I disagree my older one would be supervising as honestly the younger boy has way more common sense. He doesn’t need anything doing for him: they’d have been fed, showered etc before we left, and put to bed when we return (10 is latest; it’d likely be earlier). Any problems or worries and they’d ring. They aren’t the type of children to get scared really; if anything they’re the sort of kids to tackle a potential threat with gusto and a variety of nerf guns 🤣😩

We’re also not huge drinkers so a ‘few drinks’ to us is a glass of wine or two - same as we would at home. In nearly 12 years we’ve never been drunk in front of them!

I definitely would. They know where you are if there are any problems. Which there won't be