To not give birthday gifts to friends' DCs any more?

[EluneBePraised]

My friends and I have always done presents for each others kids at their birthdays, my DCs are 8 and 12, one friend has a DC age 7 and another's are almost 15 year old twins. Last year, my oldest DC didn't receive any birthday presents from these two friends which I thought was odd but of course didn't question it. They both gave gifts to the younger one (his birthday is right before Christmas and we met up to exchange Christmas presents so they dropped off younger one's birthday presents at same time).

About a month before my friend's twins turned 14, I asked on WhatsApp chat if were were still doing birthday presents for each other's kids, to which they said yes. I've since bought gifts for all their kids however, the same thing happened again recently in that they never bought anything for oldest DC when he turned 12. We all usually meet up once a month and that's when gifts tend to be exchanged if there wasn't a party for the child in question, but there was nothing beyond a happy birthday via WhatsApp to DC.

I'm not sure what to do going forward here, part of me thinks 'fuck it', especially as my 12 year old noticed this year. But will I just look like a tight-arsed meanie if I don't bother?

I’d message and say since they missed DS birthday again this year please don’t send anything for younger son and you will stop buying for theirs. Stand up for your child.

So you buy for the other kids including the 15 year olds but they ignore your 12 year olds birthday!? I would not be buying any more gifts for their children. Your child is being left out and that should not be ignored. Stand up for him! Any ideas why they are actively excluding him? Don’t buy anymore gifts and if anyone asks just say that your son didn’t receive a gift so you didn’t think you were all buying gifts anymore. Awful!

I would be telling them tbh, it's so shitty. Has your oldest offended them in some way? Poor thing, doesn't deserve to be treated that way!

As pp said, tell them what they've done and ask them to please not buy for your youngest. And then don't buy for theirs. x

He's definitely not offended them in any way so it's not that. Thanks for the replies, was expecting posters to tell me to rise above it, be the better person etc but I'm getting annoyed about it now tbh.

I would be going back on the group WA and say further to the conversation about birthdays you assume it’s changed as for the second year xx didn’t get anything. Happy to agree to no presents any more and leave it at that

Do you think they've just forgotten?

I would address it, rather than be passive aggressive.

"Sorry to be awkward but my eldest son has been missed the last two years and was understandably quite upset this year when he didn't receive a gift but youngest did. Can we agree that we either do all children or no children? I know this was probably just down to forgetting which is why I didn't mention anything before but I feel I need to now my son's realised."

Real friends will be mortified and will make it up to your son. Their reactions will be telling.

I'd stop buying them gifts.
If anyone says anything about lack of presents I'd say something along the lines of "oh, well DC12 didn't get any presents the last two birthdays so I just assumed we'd stopped doing it now theyre all getting older"

Do you have any idea why your DC is being singled out? It's not on.

I think I'd say to your friends you aren't doing any more presents as DC has been missed 2 years in a row. Probably phrased nicer than that assuming you don't want it blowing up but I would make it clear why you want to stop.

I’m so sorry this has happened. It happened with a family member this year for me too. I don’t feel comfortable asking why my son was left out and no explanation has been offered. I have now said I’d like to stop exchanging gifts moving forward though. I’ll give my children extra myself instead. I won’t have them treated differently.

This

But they didn’t forget. OP said a happy birthday message was sent via WhatsApp. Also how can they forgot that OP has two children. They know full well that they have not purchased a gift for her son. If they forgot they would eventually present the gift days/weeks later when they realised their mistake. Also it is really suspicious that both friends are doing it. It makes me wonder if something has been said between them. It’s not worth falling out over if they are usually good friends but OP needs to stop buying their children gifts. I wonder if OP is the quieter friend so they think they can actively do it and nothing will be said. OP comes across as a lovely person and they are taking advantage. Also it probably hurts her son’s feelings since he is aware of the gifting arrangement in the group.

Just send a text saying please do not buy anything for younger child. You want to stop exchanging birthday presents and maybe include Xmas presents too. It is not fair on your son and he is old enough to feel left out.

This.

I certainly wouldn't be gifting anything.